Tiny Little Fractures
by Kata Malfoy
Summary: Sebastian is in over his head and even Kurt, who still basically hates the guy, feels compelled to try and help him. Unfortunately, Kurt isn't equipped to deal with drinking, drugs and a Sebastian who seems too damaged to repair.
1. Chapter 1

**Sebastian is in over his head and even Kurt, who still hates the guy, feels compelled to try and help him. Except Kurt isn't equipped to deal with drinking, drugs and a Sebastian who seems too damaged to repair.**

Kurt has been in New York for three months when he runs into Sebastian at the drugs store. Kurt is there to pick up some lip balm and vitamins on his way back the NYADA dorms. He continues to find new places to explore in New York everyday – from designer clothes stores to his local bank – and there is still a little thrill every time he enters an unfamiliar place. He can't get enough of New York. He and his roommate, Andrew, just sit at night and talk about the cool things they saw that day. Andrew is from Minnesota and finds the whole city as incredible as Kurt.

The drugstore may not be particularly glamorous, but nevertheless Kurt looks with fascination through the wide range of products lining the walls - band-aids with different Disney characters on them, hand-cream that smells like honey and endless different flavours of condoms. He is so busy taking it all in that he wouldn't have seen Sebastian if he hadn't heard the other boys voice at the counter. Kurt turns, surprised, sure he must be mistaken.

'Do you have, like, five more of these?'

The tall boy is holding up a packet of painkillers, voice edgy and frustrated. Kurt, peering out from behind a display of hair dye, is completely stunned. Sebastian in New York. Sebastian wearing jeans and hoodie. Sebastian….just Sebastian. Kurt ducks back out to sight.

At times, Kurt has very briefly wondered what happened to Sebastian after he threw that slushie at Blaine. Sebastian left Dalton quickly after the incident and Kurt has never asked where he went. The guy is an utter bastard and as long as he stays away from Blaine, Kurt doesn't care if he moved to Peru. Blaine never brings him up.

Now, nine months later, he is standing ten feet away from him in New York. Kurt quickly makes a decision to say hello – because this is an opportunity to throw it in Sebastian's stupid meerkat face that, yes, he is still with Blaine and, yes, he lives in New York now. Plus, it will make a funny story to tell Blaine.

'Sebastian Smythe, is that really you?' says Kurt in a cheery voice, walking out from behind the display and up to Sebastian. He notices the tension that jumps through Sebastian's form and when the other boy turns around, his eyes clearly betray his shock.

Kurt takes him in quickly. Lose jeans and faded green hoodie, hair sitting over his eyes, mouth closed tightly. He looks tired, thin, but still undeniably striking.

'Hummel,' says Sebastian, tucking his change for the painkillers into his back pocket. 'Can I help you with something?'

A little taken aback by Sebastian's terse reply, Kurt keeps staring at him. Sebastian does not look well. He is so far removed from his clean, pressed Dalton uniform and if it weren't for his voice, Kurt probably never would have recognised him. Kurt doesn't let Sebastian see his unease.

'You know, just keeping out the local area. I just moved here. Going to NYADA. Nice to see a familiar face.'

Kurt fills with word 'nice' with as much sarcasm as he can. The slight narrowing of Sebastian's eyes shows he'd picked it up. Kurt braces himself for a scathing reply.

'Yeah, _nice_. Good to see you're living every little girls dream. Just got to find some rich old man to make an honest woman out of you.'

Previously, such comments would have make Kurt fill up with indignant rage. Now, though, it is hard to take Sebastian seriously.

'Ouch,' replies Kurt with a little smirk. 'Anyway, I'll tell Blaine you say hello. I'm sure he won't care, but hey, I'm the sentimental type.'

The attendant behind the counter is watching with an awkward expression. The tension humming between them is obvious and making her uncomfortable. Not wanting to make anymore of a scene – and confidant that he's rubbed Sebastian's face in his success – Kurt gives the taller boy his best condescending smile.

'So _good_ to see you, Sebastian. Take care.'

Sebastian just watches silently as Kurt turns and walks towards the door. He feels a rush of success, a sense of atonement for all those times he let Sebastian get to him.

The door opens in front of Kurt and a small muscled man enters. Kurt automatically moves aside to let him pass, the man strides purposefully into the shop. Kurt is in the doorway when he hears a gasp of pain and glances back to see the man is gripping Sebastian's wrist tightly, glaring at him with enough anger to causes Kurt to wince even from the other side of the store. Kurt is frozen, wanting to leave as quickly as possible, but also completely struck by the fear painted over Sebastian's face.

He looks scared, with his teeth clenched and breathing heavy. He doesn't try to pull away, though, just let's the man squeeze his wrist until Kurt imagines the bones rubbing together.

'Hurry up, you little shit,' the man says lowly and shoves Sebastian towards the door.

They move past Kurt, who has moved back into the shop. Sebastian is staring determinedly at the ground; mouth tight with anxiety, hands stuffed into the pockets on his hoodie. Kurt looks away when the other man goes past, his own heart thumping in his chest, fear racing through his nerves. The door closes behind them and Kurt lets out a deep breath.

_Okay_, he thinks to himself, heart still beating hard. _Okay_. _That was intense_.

The whole event only took about ten seconds, but it leaves Kurt feeling shaky. That guy had just reeked of rage and violence. He may of only been in New York three months, but Kurt is smart enough to know the type of people to stay away from. And clearly this man knows Sebastian, knows him and… what? Shoves him and swears at him? Scares Sebastian enough that he doesn't talk back?

Kurt thinks it over as he walks back to his dorm. It's like everything else he'd been planning to do today is dimmed by the look on Sebastian's face when the man was holding his wrist. Kurt tries to remember anything else he had noticed about Sebastian.

Sure, he looked wiped out. Pale and tired. His clothes were old, certainly not something Kurt would expect ever to be worn by an ex-Dalton Academy student. And – this only occurs to Kurt as he is putting his key into the lock of his door – Sebastian is Blaine's age. He's still in school, or at least he should be. He might be going to school in New York, but that doesn't feel right. The whole thing doesn't feel right.

Without even really thinking about it, Kurt sits down on his bed and calls Blaine.

'Hi gorgeous,' says Blaine when he picks up and Kurt can just about see the big grin on his face. He sounds so happy.

Kurt isn't sure what to say. _Hi baby, you remember Sebastian, right? You know, that guy that turned your best friends against you and then put you in hospital. I know we both kinda hate him, but I ran into him today. He looked like shit. I think he's in trouble and I don't know what to do. I think I should probably try and help him, but I'm not sure how. I don't even know where he is. Plus, he's still a total dick. But anyway, how was your day?_

Instead, Kurt run a face over his face and tries to sounds cheerful.

'Hey yourself. Have you seen the new episode of White Collar yet?'

Even as Blaine replies, Kurt realises that this is something he's going to do alone. Although he doesn't know where to start.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sneaky little title change there, hope it didn't confuse anyone!**

The first thing Kurt does to try and find out what is going on with Sebastian is check Facebook. He has never been friends with the Warbler, but they have enough mutual friends that Kurt is sure he'll be able to get some information. Except, he can't find Sebastian's page. Nobody comes up in the search engine; he tries trawling through mutual friends without success. After half an hour he concludes that nobody's privacy settings are that good – Sebastian has deleted his profile. He tries other social media. Kurt knows it is unlikely that Sebastian will have a Tumblr or Twitter if he doesn't have Facebook, but it's worth checking. He even tries a Google search. Nothing recent comes up, only some old Warbler links and an article about Sebastian winning a science competition in France.

'Hmm,' breathes Kurt, biting his lip and staring at the screen. He's leaning over his desk, fiddling with a pen while he thinks about what else to try. Nothing comes to mind.

He admits defeat and glances at the clock on his laptop. And, wow, he is _late_. Kurt skips his shower, brushes his teeth and makes only a rudimentary effort with his hair before darting out the door. Andrew left an hour before to go for a run and Kurt almost crashes into him on the stairs.

'Hey, slow down,' laughs Andrew, placing a steadying hand on Kurt's shoulder.

'Sorry,' laments Kurt, looking apologetic. 'I'm so incredibly late. I'll see you later.'

Walking quickly to his first class of the day, Kurt tries to make himself forget about Sebastian. There really isn't anything else he can do and as the distance grows between Kurt and the events of yesterday, he begins to think he's over-reacting. So Sebastian has made some shit life decisions and has made some nasty friends. Worse things happen to people everyday.

Content with his efforts, Kurt focuses on the paper they're discussing in Contemporary Musical Theory. Having such small classes means that you can't get away with zoning out; it's so different from school where you basically just had to attend and not fall asleep. Kurt thinks he's learnt more in the last three months than in his entire life beforehand. Sometimes it's hard talking to Blaine about classes and New York, because Kurt can feel this vast valley of different experiences opening up between them. They still have their conversation staples – friends, television, music – but it isn't as easy as it used to be to chat for hours. Kurt cannot wait until Blaine comes to visit in a month. He feels like if Blaine can just walk around the city with him, even if only for one weekend, then they'll be perfect again.

He has this silly little smile on his face from thinking about Blaine – his NYADA friends call it his puppy love look – as a group of them walk towards a café for their ritual post-class coffee. Kurt barely even notices which way they're walking until he sees the drugstore from the day before ahead. It only takes him half a second to make a decision and he quietly tells the girl walking next to him that he'll catch up.

Walking through the door, Kurt mentally tells himself off for the tiny spark of apprehension that he feels being back in this shop. It's not like that man from yesterday is going to walk in and beat him up, or something. Pulling himself together, Kurt walks up to the counter and finds the same attendant as yesterday unloading a box of coupons. This is an incredibly unlikely long shot, but Kurt has to try.

'Hi there,' he says with an awkward smile. 'Um, I was in here yesterday.'

She looks up at him, appearing hesitant, but Kurt can tell that she recognises him. He glances down her nametag - it says 'Julie'.

'Look, Julie, this sounds totally crazy. But do you know that boy I was talking to yesterday? We went to school together and I'm trying to get in touch with him.'

Kurt tries hard to look harmless and adorable. Being a teenage gay guy usually helps him get on the right side of women. Julie stares at him for a few seconds and then nods her head a little.

'He's in here lots. I see him around. He works at the gym a few blocks over.'

It is much more than Kurt had hoped for. He knows what a big city New York is; he had thought it would be impossible to find any trace of Sebastian.

'That is so useful, thank you so much. Thanks.'

Giving her a big smile, he leaves the shop. Walking quickly down the street after his friends, Kurt tries to logically think about his next step. Except, instead of a sense of accomplishment, he feels apprehension welling up inside him. When this idea to help Sebastian was just an abstract concept breed of honourable intensions it was easy pursue. Now, though, he has a real way to find the other boy. Real enough that he could run into the angry man from yesterday or God knows what other dangers. He doesn't know what to do. Why does Blaine have to be so far away?

'Kurt! I got you a mocha, is that okay?' asks Lindsay as Kurt sits down at their table. He nods and then impulsively takes another leap, because he's already started this.

'Hey, do any of you know a gym around here?'

It turns out that one of the boys does. It is, in his exact words, 'dodgy as fuck' and he encourages Kurt to find somewhere else if he wants to work out. Kurt agrees with him, but notes down the directions to this undesirable institution.

He only feels a little bit guilty later when he says to Andrew, 'hey, want to check out this gym around the corner with me?'

Andrew is incredibly focussed on his dancing and fitness. Therefore, he agrees to come with Kurt and investigate a possible new place to work on his abs. They leave the dorms just after six, both dressed casually. Kurt deliberately tones down his outfit to a sweater and fitted jeans. Andrew, as ever, is wearing some very fashionable sweat pants and a singlet. He chatters happily as they walk.

'I was just thinking I need somewhere with proper equipment. Running is great and all, but I need to do some more specialised stuff on my arms and there is no way we can fit a weights set in our dorm room. I never appreciated how convenient having a gym at school was. Is it the same for you?'

'Something like that,' says Kurt lightly, gripping the strap of his satchel tightly. The pair of them approached the entrance to the gym. It was on the edge of a laneway, below street down a small flight of stairs level. A dirty sign outside reads 'Red Bear Gym' and a large guy was hanging around near the open door. For a moment, Kurt thinks this gym had security. But the big man just watches them as they walk past him and inside.

It is instantly obvious why Kurt's friend deemed the place dodgy. It is not a welcoming environment.

There are a handful of large, sweaty mean using the aging equipment. Kurt can hear the sounds of boxing from through an open door in corner – grunting and the slap of leather. There are more people hanging around chatting in corners and Kurt gets the same vibe from them as he had from the small man in the drugstore. Anger, violence and pain.

'Can I help you with something?' asks a younger brunette wearing a 'Red Bear' t-shirt. He stands out in the dirty gym; he looks Kurt's age, with shaggy brown hair and a set of incredibly bright grey eyes. He sounds condescending, though, looking at Kurt with an expression that screams 'fuck off, now'.

'Ah, my friend and I,' begins Kurt, gesturing to where Andrew has wandered off to look at the equipment, 'where just looking for a place to work out. Just, you know, looking at all the local places. This is a great place you have here. Really nice.'

He is rambling a little, his face heating up. Sebastian isn't here. He would stand out clearly among these muscled, dirty men – most of who, Kurt is convinced, are on steroids. Andrew is walking back towards him, attempting to hide the revolted look on his face. The staff member talking to Kurt actually takes his arm and begins leading him towards the door.

'Unfortunately, our membership list is full at the moment. Sorry.'

Kurt nods along to this bullshit excuse. He and Andrew leave quickly; Kurt can feel the eyes of the man standing by the door following them along the street. As soon as they round a corner, Andrew explodes in laughter.

'Fuck, Kurt. Holy hell, we are never going back there again! Did you see those guys? They were disgusting. I feel like I need to have some sort of decontaminate shower. The whole place is a 'roids den, I swear.'

Kurt makes a noise of agreement, but his head is spinning. Sebastian Smythe can not work there. No way. Except he does and if Kurt needs anymore proof that Sebastian is involved in some bad circles, that gym was it. But even to help a friend (okay, not a friend, but a… okay, not a friend), Kurt is never going back to the gym. Ever.

Andrew is still ranting about the place when they get back. Kurt lies down on his bed and calls Blaine.

'Hi,' smiles Kurt and suddenly just feels the need to have his boyfriends voice wash over him. 'Read me your Spanish assignment. Please. I want to listen.'

Blaine begins to read, his accent heavy, both otherwise he speaks easily. Kurt listens and stares at the ceiling. He's done his best, really. But he can't keep searching for Sebastian, not after tonight. Blaine stumbles on a word and Kurt smiles wider, closing his eyes. This is all he needs.

'Anything interesting happen to you today, baby?' says Blaine a few minutes later. Kurt, again, decides not to tell him about Sebastian. He still can't find the words. He doesn't want Blaine to worry.

'No, nothing. Same as ever. I'd say I'm getting bored, but this is New York,' Kurt chuckles.

They hang up after saying their 'I love you's. Andrew takes off his headphones – he decided in the first week of rooming with Kurt that he didn't want to listen to all Blaine and Kurt's conversations – and adopts a cheeky smile.

'Kurrrrrt,' he begins and Kurt rolls his eyes. 'You know how it's my birthday next week. And that you love me. And that I'm the best roommate ever. And that I put up with you and your really mushy boyfriend cuddling over the phone. Well, I want to go to Trough X next week for my birthday.'

Trough X was the biggest gay dance club in their area. It was big and loud and very, very messy. Kurt refused to go usually, but Andrew was curious. He didn't have a boyfriend and wanted to see if the rumours of sex, drugs and amazing music were true. Kurt didn't really like clubbing. But it was Andrew's birthday.

'Uh, fine,' he sighs and Andrew does a fist pump. One night in a dance club, he can handle that.


	3. Chapter 3

**I swear, future updates will not be this fast! But it's been a slow day and I can't stop writing. Thanks to Arduenna for your really helpful reviews. **

Kurt doesn't own anything that can be classified as 'club wear'. Sure, he knows how to wear a tight pair of jeans, but that isn't the same. Andrew is standing in front of him – clad in ripped black pants and a mesh singlet – and Kurt just wants to think of an excuse to call this whole thing off. Plus, he's drinking ten dollar wine out of a mug. This is not his idea of a good time.

'Oh, c'mon, it'll be great,' smiles Andrew, well on his way to being tipsy. 'Just because you have a boyfriend doesn't mean you can't dance.'

It's too much effort to try and explain to Andrew that the type of grinding that people engage in at Trough X is not what Kurt calls dancing. Still, it's Andrew's birthday. Kurt smiles and fiddles with this dark blue shirt. At least his legs look amazing in these boots.

One last swig of wine and they leave their room. Kurt only has his fake ID and fifty dollars squeezed into the pockets of his pants. He leaves his phone on the bed, the last message from Blaine reading: _Ha, have fun, bb. Try not to catch anything! xox._

Andrew starts singing '_Let's have some fun, this beat is sick_', as they walk down the street. Kurt laughs at him, shaking his head every time his friend throws in some little spin or fancy footwork.

When they reach the club, there are a lot of guys hanging around out the front smoking or hooking up. Kurt tries his very best to act cool and not stare. The bouncer seems more interested in their bodies than their IDs; Kurt avoids his eyes and walks into the loud, beating darkness of the club.

He has to admit, it would be easy to have fun in this place. There are sexy men everywhere and, for once, Kurt doesn't have to be scared of looking at them. They're all gay. No one is going to punch him for checking out their ass. Kurt lets his eyes wander happily as Andrew buys them both a drink. He's already caught a few guys eyeing him and Kurt is a little embarrassed at the thrill that gives him. He's not used to being wanted.

'We should dance,' Andrew yells over the top of the music, leaning right up to Kurt's ear. He's already thrown back his vodka and coke, while Kurt has barely taken two sips.

'You go,' Kurt yells back, 'give me a minute.'

Andrew agrees and slips off to the large dance floor. It takes up most of the club, with small platforms raised along the edges for people who want to stand up and give the rest of the floor a show. The music is loud – really, really loud – but not so generic that Kurt can't recognise the occasional song. The bass line is vibrating up his chair and as much as Kurt wanted the hate this place, it's not so bad. Everyone looks so relaxed and there are a few guys holding hands. The bar, which takes up a whole wall, is buzzing with people yelling their orders at the bartenders. The lights are flashing in a way that makes everything seem hectic and pulsing.

With the reputation Trough X has, Kurt was afraid he'd see some seedy doorway to a back room. The thought of having anonymous, unsafe sex disturbs him; yet he can't see anything like that here. In the back corner there are some leather couches were people are making out, but that's it.

A guy comes up and offers to buy him a drink. Kurt awkwardly shakes his head, pointing at the drink he's still nursing. The man just smiles, shrugs and leaves.

Kurt is enjoying watching the dancing. It's like a giant gay music video – beautiful men with their shirts off rubbing against each other. He's still watching, trying to find Andrew in the crowd, when he notices the young guy who spoke to him at the gym last week. He's easy to recognize, those eyes are still strikingly bright and he has tamed his hair so it's falling in loose curls over his face. He's shirtless and… right next to him is Sebastian.

They're both shirtless and pressed close, clearly having some loud conversation over the music. The first thing Kurt notices – which is embarrassing, but unavoidable – is that clearly working at a gym has down wonders for Sebastian's body. He has clearly defined biceps and a six-pack that leads down to the sharp V of his hips. Kurt examines Sebastian's appearance, his curiosity peaked.

The other boy is wearing a glow band around each wrist, just like the guy next to him (and glow bands, _really_? Kurt laments the stereotype). Unlike the last time Kurt saw him, he's gelled his hair up so it's tangled mess on top of his head. His jeans are just… vaguely indecent, clinging to every muscle in his slim legs. Kurt notices a tattoo on his hipbone, but can't make out what it is.

The other thing that strikes Kurt is how _young_ he looks. When you're all at school and everyone is the same age, nobody stands out. But here, in this dark club were everyone is older, Sebastian looks noticeably seventeen. Unfortunately, his youth gives him an aura of 'I'm young and fresh and you really want me'. It makes Kurt frown, staring at him. Sebastian in that outfit is just asking for it. Which shouldn't be surprising – Sebastian being Sebastian – but it is.

Kurt orders another drink, just so he can sit and watch for a bit longer without being disturbed. After waiting to get a bartenders attention for five minutes, he returns to his seat. Now, Sebastian is dancing with an older guy in leather pants. They're wrapped around each other, Sebastian's arms wrapped around his neck, while the other man's hands are planted easily on Sebastian's ass. They kiss, tongues and all, then Sebastian pulls away, winking. He moves to dance with another guy.

Kurt watches this for about ten minutes. He counts six men that Sebastian works through, before the ex-Warbler slides off the dance floor and makes his way to the front door. Kurt puts down his drink and follows without a thought.

'Sebastian!' he calls as soon as he is out in the cool air. The taller boy turns from where he is heading towards a group men loitering on the curb. Sebastian pauses, then walks towards Kurt, smirking.

'Well, well, Hummel. I think it's past your bed time.'

'If it's past mine, then it's definitely past yours,' Kurt counters, glaring at the other boy. 'I noticed you having fun in there.'

'Yeah,' grins Sebastian, teeth flashing. 'I'm just a friendly guy. Now fuck off, would you.'

'Do those guys know you're underage?' Kurt asks loudly. Sebastian's grin widens to the point where it's a little feral.

'Of course. Pity I'm not a bit younger, I'd probably get even more action.'

'That's _disgusting_. What the hell is wrong with you?'

Sebastian just shrugs and steps close enough to put a hand on Kurt's shoulder. He leans in and speaks in an exaggerated whisper.

'Just the way it is. Although, none of these guys have an ass like your hot little boyfriends. Can't tell you the number of times I've gotten off thinking about coming in his tight hole…'

Kurt puts both his hands on Sebastian's chest and pushes him away hard.

'Fuck you,' hisses Kurt, face red. 'You fucking crazy slut.'

He doesn't usually swear, but something about Sebastian's smirking face just drives Kurt insane. He turns and walks back into the club, angry with Sebastian and with himself. He cannot believe he spent a day worrying about that _jerk_. Thinking he needed _help_.

Kurt heads back to the bar, face stormy, and can barely manage a smile for Andrew who is waiting for him.

'Where'd you go?' asks Andrew, putting a hand on Kurt's arm. 'Wanna dance?'

'No,' replies Kurt, sitting down heavily. He notices that Sebastian was back on the dance floor, wrapped around another guy. Andrew follows his gaze.

'He's hot, isn't he?' says Andrew innocently, trying to make conversation. 'No way he's twenty-one, though.'

'He's seventeen,' Kurt replies tersely, still frowning and watching the way the guy now has a hand in Sebastian's back pocket.

'You know him?'

Andrew sounds hesitant rather than impressed. Kurt rips his eyes away from the spectacle on the dance floor and raises an eyebrow at Andrew.

'Yeah. We sort of went to school together. Why?'

The next song starts playing and Kurt instantly recognises it as 'I'm Sexy and I Know It'. The bass line rips across the floor and even Kurt feels the desire to dance. Andrew is looking at him, though, brow furrowed. He hasn't answered Kurt's question.

'Why?' presses Kurt. Andrew leans in so he's talking right into Kurt's ear.

'Sorry, but he's dealing. I noticed when I was dancing. He's giving out pills. They're on his tongue when he kisses those guys.'

Kurt knows his eyes are comically wide. His gaze snaps back towards where Sebastian is kissing a black guy and, yes, he now notices that notes being pushes into the back pocket of Sebastian's jeans.

'Huh,' breathes Kurt, not really knowing what else to say.

'Sorry,' says Andrew, clearly feeling bad for having been the one to bring this to Kurt's attention. 'Were you close friends?'

'No. He's a total psycho. Tried to steal Blaine away from me.'

'Oh. Okay. Hey, c'mon… let's dance.'

Kurt nods this time and they walk out to the dance floor. He knows Andrew is just trying to distract him, but Kurt is happy to just move his hips and get lost in the beat. They laugh and dance for about twenty minutes, occasionally dancing with other people. Kurt is careful not to get too close to anyone, just in case. He doesn't want anyone to get the wrong idea. Andrew looks like he's having fun and that's enough for Kurt.

'Water,' Andrew yells at him, gesturing to the bar. Kurt nods and follows him through the mass of people. They join the massive line to get drinks.

'Thanks for coming with me tonight,' says Andrew, smile betraying how drunk he is. 'I know this isn't your thing.'

'It's fun,' replies Kurt, and he's only lying a little bit, 'we should do it again!'

It's just past one in the morning when Andrew declares he's had enough and wants to go home. They're both out of money for drinks and sweaty from too much dancing. Kurt nods and lets Andrew take his hand to lead him outside. The number of people making out has certainly increased in the last hour or so; Kurt tries to not look at them as they walk out. Getting horny is a really bad thing when your boyfriend lives in another state.

The cold air hits Kurt like a welcome slap. He wasn't aware of just how hot he had gotten. Andrew is yawning and Kurt is smiling at him when he sees something over Andrew's shoulder.

'Damn,' Kurt says quietly and looks at where Sebastian is sitting hunched over on the curb. He looks wrecked.

'Ready to go?' asks Andrew and Kurt hesitates. Sebastian is not his problem. He doesn't want Kurt's help.

'Yes,' says Kurt, nodding and looking away. 'Yeah, let's go.'

He takes six steps before relenting. Kurt stops and curses himself silently, but turns to Andrew.

'No, sorry, I need to make sure he's okay.'

He jogs back to Sebastian, crouching down next to him. The younger boy doesn't look up.

'Hey, Sebastian. C'mon, you idiot. Look at me.'

Slowly, Sebastian raises his head. He doesn't seem to recognise Kurt. His pupils are blown out and his lips still bitten and red from kissing. Kurt winces.

'What?' says Sebastian hoarsely. 'I'm not going to fuck you.'

'Yeah, like I was offering,' mutters Kurt. He prods Sebastian's arm gently. 'Where's your friend? The pretty-boy with the curls?'

Sebastian just stares at him blankly. Kurt can't help but wonder what Sebastian's life would be like if he wasn't so damn beautiful. Kurt doesn't like the guy, but his eyes and lips and cheekbones do make for a very appealing picture. If only Sebastian didn't know that so well.

'Sebastian. Who's getting you home?'

Sebastian just laughs a little, one strand of hair falling free from the gel and over his eye. He still doesn't seem to know who Kurt is.

'Like anyone cares if I get home.'

And Kurt knows, just like that, that he's going to help. Sebastian doesn't deserve it, but he can't just leave him here. He'd never forgive himself.

'Look, stay here.'

Kurt gets up and walks back to Andrew, who is watching with a concerned expression.

'He alright? He looks like shit,' asks Andrew, frowning.

'He's coming with us,' sighs Kurt, still unable to believe he's really going to do this. 'He's totally out of it and look what he's wearing. He can't stay.'

Andrew nods hesitantly, biting his lip. Kurt goes back and wraps a hand around Sebastian's bicep, pulling him up. The taller boy doesn't protest, but he does stumble a little once he's upright. Kurt wraps an arm around his waist reluctantly – Sebastian skin is burning hot and slippery, covered in sweat. Kurt makes a face.

'Come on, you drugged up chipmunk. It's home time.'

Calling Sebastian names makes Kurt feel better as they slowly make their way home. Andrew, who is a bit taller than Kurt, slings one of Sebastian's arms around his shoulder to help them walk. By the time they get up the stairs to their dorm room, Kurt is feeling less sure about this decision. That's probably because Sebastian has started talking.

'How weird is that, that it was beans? That some guy grows some beans and then everyone is like, 'wow, okay, you're onto something'. This was way before microscopes and stuff. It's really awesome.'

Kurt has no idea what he's talking about, but even Sebastian's voice is grating. Plus, he keeps trying to grope Andrew. His friend looks really uncomfortable, constantly pulling Sebastian's hand away from the front of his pants. He doesn't question Kurt's decision to let Sebastian stay with them, though.

Once they're inside, Kurt and Andrew dump Sebastian onto the floor. Kurt rubs his arm quickly on his towel, which is hanging by the door, removing the feeling of Sebastian's skin.

'Will he be right on the floor?' asks Andrew.

'Yeah,' Kurt nods, glancing down to where Sebastian is lying on his stomach, using Andrew's gym bag as a pillow. He really doesn't know what else to do, so he just gets changed, drinks some water and slips into bed. Looking down at Sebastian one last time before switching off the light, Kurt notices with revulsion that there are literally scratches on the boy's hips from people grabbing him all night. Kurt stares for a few seconds and then switches of the light.

He lies awake for almost an hour just listening to Sebastian's breathing.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks so much to those of you who reviewed. Really reminds why I love writing so much! I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's written just for you.**

Andrew getting up and going for a run wakes Kurt. Kurt isn't convinced you can run off a hangover, but Andrew seems determined to try. His friend gives him a casual salute as he heads out the door, briefly glancing at Sebastian's curled up form before departing. Kurt groans quietly and buries his face in his pillow. Even though he didn't drink too much, he still feels a little wiped out. He needs coffee.

Except, after getting dressed, Kurt realises that he needs to leave the room to get coffee. He won't risk coming back and finding Sebastian gone. So instead, he settles on his bed with his laptop and starts writing an email to Finn. Rachel and Finn are travelling this year – a chance to sort out if they really want to get married, if they really should move to New York – so it's hard to get Finn on the phone. They've been exchanging semi-regular emails and Kurt is a little envious of their stories of walking around Rome. He has trouble writing, though, because after every line he finds his eyes drawn to Sebastian. The other boy is curled up on the floor, still resting his head on Andrew's bag, hiding his face in his arms. In the morning light, he looks pale and sore. The scratches on his hips have become thin red lines and the glow bands on his wrists have lost all their luminosity. His gelled hair has become a mess, sticking up in all directions. Kurt looks at his bare chest and suddenly feels bad for not putting blanket over Sebastian the night before – he must be cold.

Sebastian eventually stirs as Kurt types. When he opens his eyes and rolls over, he meets Kurt gaze. He looks confused and sleepy.

'Kurt?' he whispers thickly, for once with no guile in his voice. The utter openness of his voice and face strikes Kurt hard. He is now sure he made the right decision to bring Sebastian home with him.

'Hey,' says Kurt with a small smile.

'Where am I?' murmurs Sebastian, waking up more and blinking tiredly. He raises a hand to rub his face.

'In my dorm room. You were pretty out of it last night, so I let you crash here.'

Sebastian rolls onto his front, stretching and muttering something that may be 'thanks', but probably isn't. Kurt watches him tensely, not sure what to expect. Sebastian just lies there with his eyes closed, until Kurt can't stay silent any longer.

'So, you're a drug dealer now.'

Sebastian's whole body instantly tenses. He opens his eyes slowly and an unpleasant little smile appears on his face.

'Hardly. I prefer to think of it as a customer service role.'

And just like that, Sebastian is back to being a mouthy jerk and Kurt just wants to shake him. Although he knows it's pointless, Kurt can't help but try to reason with him.

'You weren't being very subtle, you know when you get arrested they won't charge you as a minor. Do you know what would happen to someone like you in prison?'

'Probably the same sort of things that happen to me out here,' says Sebastian smoothly. Kurt sighs in frustration.

'I don't get it. Why would you ever need to deal drugs?'

'I don't deal,' snaps Sebastian, sitting up and leaning against the wall. 'I just give out the pills sometimes, I don't sell them on street corners or anything.'

'That's a pretty terrible defence,' says Kurt, unimpressed.

'Oh _screw you_,' snarls Sebastian, pulling himself up. 'Seriously, Hummel, what do I have to do to get you to leave me alone? Do you want me to suck your dick or something?'

'I'd never let you anywhere near my dick, Smythe. I'm just trying to understand.'

Sebastian stands over Kurt, hands gripping his hair, staring at Kurt without comprehension. Kurt shifts a little, uncomfortable under the other man's eyes.

'I don't get you,' says Sebastian eventually. 'Really, what's your angle? You don't want to fuck me. You don't want free pills. _You don't like me_. I basically spit in your face and you keep coming back. What the fuck, seriously?'

Kurt shrugs, not really sure himself why he keeps pushing Sebastian. Why he just can't leave it alone. He decides to laugh it off.

'Clearly I'm a masochist and you have a talent for hurting people.'

The way Sebastian physically winces makes Kurt wish he'd kept his mouth shut. He gets off the bed and Sebastian takes a step back, eyeing Kurt wearily. Kurt holds his hands up in front of himself as a sign of peace.

'I don't know, okay? But here I am. And it doesn't seem like you're in a position to be turning away friends. So why don't we just get some breakfast and you can insult me some more.'

They stand in silence, Sebastian clearly considering Kurt's offer, looking for the catch. Eventually, he lets out a breath and shakes his head a little.

'Fine. Breakfast. I need to borrow a shirt. And I need a drink.'

Kurt disappears to the bathroom after finding a shirt that will fit Sebastian (and doesn't have sequins or zips, because he can do without the ridicule). He returns to find his guest drinking what he assumes is a glass of water, until he sees Andrew's vodka sitting on the desk.

'You're not serious,' he says, watching in horror as Sebastian throws back the content of the glass without hesitation. Sebastian just shoots him a dirty smile and stands up.

'I said I needed a drink. Now, which way is the bathroom?'

Standing in his empty dorm room, Kurt shakes his head, rolling his eyes. He hastily puts away the vodka and hopes Andrew doesn't notice any of it is missing. Just as Sebastian comes back – hair wet and hanging limp over his eyes – Kurt's mobile phone rings. It's Blaine. Kurt grabs it and runs out into the corridor.

'Hi,' he says, a bit out of breath. 'Good morning. How are you?'

'Fine,' says Blaine with a little laugh, clearly noticing Kurt's rushed tone. 'I'm not interrupting anything, am I? I can call back.'

'I'm just about to go out for breakfast,' replies Kurt. He does want to talk to Blaine, but every second they're on the phone there is the risk of Sebastian saying something loud and indecent. And that is not the way he is planning to introduce the subject of Sebastian's re-emergence in his life to Blaine. 'Can I call you back later?'

'That's fine. Have pancakes for me, will you? I've been craving some all morning.'

'Of course. With extra strawberries. Love you.'

Kurt ducks his head back inside the room to find Sebastian towel drying his hair. Awkwardly, Kurt picks up his wallet and finds all the money still there. He feels bad for checking, but who knows.

'Ready?' he says tightly.

'Lead the way, mini-gay,' says Sebastian with a wave of his hand.

They walk in silence to the diner on the corner. It's not Kurt's favourite place – it's busy and the food isn't great – but it seems appropriate for a hung-over breakfast. Sebastian seems half-asleep.

'Coffee?' asks Kurt when they slide into a booth. Sebastian rests his elbows on the table and buries his face in his hands. He gives a mostly inaudible 'uhuh'. Kurt orders coffee, hesitates, then orders them both some food as well. Sebastian doesn't look up and Kurt examines the top of his head thoughtfully.

They don't speak until there is fresh coffee in front of them. Sebastian inhales the smell before taking a sip.

'You're still with Blaine, then?' he says after a minute. It's the first time he's shown any interest in Kurt and Kurt uses it to his advantage.

'If I tell you about Blaine, you tell me about your friend from last night. The guy with the curls.'

Kurt doesn't want to push his luck with Sebastian, even though he question he really wants to ask is 'where the hell are your parents? how did you get here?'. Asking about a potential boyfriend seems safer. Regardless, Sebastian scowls darkly at him before dropping his eyes to the table.

'Whatever.'

'Okay then. Yes, Blaine and I are still together. We're very happy, I'm sure you're glad to hear. We visit each other every few weeks. He wants to go to NYU next year. Your turn.'

'His name is Nate,' Sebastian grinds out, attention lost in his coffee cup, 'we live together. We work together.'

'Dealing pills?'

'At a gym!' snaps Sebastian and he looks like he has a serious headache. He presses two fingers to the skin above one of his eyes, expression pained. 'Christ, can you make your voice less annoying.'

'I went to that gym. What exactly do you do there, hand out the complementary steroids?'

'Are you stalking me, Hummel?'

They glare at each other for a few seconds, neither wanting to concede. Sebastian ends up rolling his eyes and leaning back in the booth, trying to look nonchalant.

'I don't know who made you the queer intervention fairy, but we just look after the place. Admin work and stuff, okay?'

'Okay,' replies Kurt tersely, shaking his head. Sebastian should come with a warning label. There is more tense silence between them.

'Is he your boyfriend?' asks Kurt, making one more valiant attempt at conversation.

'First you tell me how often you and Blaine fuck.'

'Um, no.'

'Come on, then you can hear all about my kinky sex life.'

'No way.'

Sebastian just gives him this shrug and smile that says 'your loss'. Kurt turns to their food arriving with relief, muttering 'God, I hate you' under his breath as the waitress outs down the plates. Kurt tucks in eagerly, but Sebastian only picks at the food. He ends up only having a few bites, then downing another cup of coffee.

Kurt - feeling much more tolerant and normal with some food inside him - puts both his hands down on the table and stares at Sebastian seriously.

'Look, just tell me. Satisfy my curiosity. Why are you dealing?'

'Fine,' replies Sebastian, tone sharp and eyes tired. 'It's either dealing or fucking those guys for the same money. And I'd rather not end up positive before I turn eighteen, okay?'

Kurt lets out a low breath, frustration curling through him. There is no way that those are Sebastian's only two options. This whole situation is unbelievable.

'What about your parents?' Kurt asks and the moment the words leave his lips, he knows that he's pushed it too far. Sebastian grits his teeth and puts down his cup, getting up to leave.

'I don't need a lecture from you, okay? I didn't ask for you to come and get your voyeuristic kink on watching my life. Just _leave me alone_.'

His voice is a low snarl and Kurt flinches a little, but only because it's such an unpleasant tone. He drops twenty dollars on the table and follows Sebastian who is stalking out a few metres in front of him. Kurt might have imagined it, but the slightly hysterical tone to Sebastian's last insult suggests he's barely keeping together and Kurt hasn't pushed all morning to give up now.

Kurt rushes through the door with careless force, eyes on Sebastian's back, and ends up running straight into a large man in a suit. The guy is holding a large cup of coffee before Kurt hits him; Kurt ends up on the ground with the coffee lying spilt next to him. Kurt looks up with big eyes at the man's face.

'Oh, my God. I am so sorry. I wasn't looking.'

Kurt notices the coffee stain on the man's red tie and groans. _Crap_. Kurt begins to pull himself up, another apology falling out of his mouth, but stills at the man's grunted words.

'Damn little fag, look what you've done.'

It's not like it's the first time Kurt has been called that. It's not even like he takes it that much to heart usually. It's just that he's never prepared for how much hate and disgust people can put into such a small word. He tries to be prepared, but he's never expecting it. He can never quite accept that some random person is going to hate him so much, for something he has no control over.

'Hey man, why don't you back the hell off?'

Kurt straightens completely to see Sebastian standing up in the man's face. He looks livid, mouth a thin line. The businessman takes a step back, scowling.

'Mind your own business, or better yet tell your friend to look where he's going.'

'Maybe you should fuck off before I punch your face in,' snaps Sebastian, moving forward again.

'You think you can take me, fairy?' says the man, but there isn't much bite to it. He obviously just wants to leave, but his pride demands he put up a fight.

'I reckon so, want to to find out?'

The guy shakes his head, mutters 'fuckin' junkies', and keeps walking. Sebastian takes a breath and turns to Kurt. He actually looks concerned, brow furrowed, and Kurt is a little touched.

'You right?' asks Sebastian awkwardly.

'Er, yes. Thanks for that.'

'That guy was an idiot.'

'Yes, he was,' agrees Kurt, offering Sebastian a weak grin.

'We should do this again,' blurts out Kurt impulsively, running a hand through his hair. 'Eat or get coffee. Or something.'

'Why?' replies Sebastian blankly, clearly not understanding why either of them would willingly sit through a meal like that again. He looks a little lost.

'Because I'm going to want that shirt back.'

'Yeah, right. Of course.'

'What are you doing tonight?' asks Kurt, thinking maybe they could get dinner or something.

'It's Saturday night. I have to work,' says Sebastian and the challenging way he meets Kurt's eyes is just daring Kurt to criticize his life choices. Kurt doesn't take the bait.

'Okay then. Tomorrow? Clubs can't be busy on Sunday night.'

It's a long silence as Sebastian considers his answer. Kurt can almost see him weighting up the potential consequences of seeing Kurt again. Eventually, he nods his head.

'Alright. Tomorrow. I'll give you my number.'

He presses his digits into Kurt's phone, still looking a slightly hesitant. Kurt watches him and he can almost see the last of Sebastian's energy leaving him. He's pale and moving slowly, clearly not feeling well. The sentimental part of Kurt hopes he's going home to bed.

'See ya tomorrow,' mumbles Sebastian and walks off down the street. Kurt turns to go back to his room, unable to stop himself shaking his head as he replays their conversation in the diner. He is not equipped to deal with this stuff. If Sebastian was a messed-up little brat last year, he's really fallen off the rails now.

Andrew is in the room when Kurt gets back.

'Your friend's gone, then?' he asks.

'Yes. We had breakfast and he left.'

'Is he okay now?'

'I don't really think so,' says Kurt, then shrugs. 'But what can I do? He's a big boy. Or at least that's what he's constantly telling me.'

'Can you call his parents, or something? But I guess they must be pretty bad if he's out dealing and not in school.'

'I don't know his parents. But if even if they do care and come to get him, he won't stay with them if he doesn't want to. Who knows what they've put him through? He must be staying in New York for a reason. I don't know what to do, to be honest.'

'At least you tried,' encourages Andrew with a smile.

'I suppose. Hey, so I'll be in Lindsay's room if you want me. She's making a documentary and I promised to help.'

Kurt leaves the room, shooting Andrew one last smile.

It turns out that helping Lindsay sort through eight and a half hours of raw footage takes up most of Kurt's afternoon. They grab some takeout while they're working and by the time Kurt gets back to the room it's dark outside. The room is empty and Kurt has a long shower before settling on his bed with his laptop. He tries, again, to write his email to Finn.

_Rome sounds amazing! I'm so jealous, all the clothes and the boys. Of course, I mean that in a purely aesthetic way. Can you bring me back some leather gloves? Get Rachel to choose them. I'll pay you back. What's the weather like?_

Kurt bites his thumb, staring at the screen, trying to think how to phrase the next section.

_I've had a few strange experiences here recently - sometimes I forget what a big city NY is! I need your advice. I've got this friend-_

Kurt stops and deletes the word 'friend'.

_acquaintance and he's just really out there. I think he's acting pretty dangerously, but I don't know how to tell him and I know he'll just laugh in my face._

He pauses. Then Kurt highlights and deletes the whole thing. He starts again.

_You remember Sebastian Smythe, right? So weird, I ran into him last week. He's still a total jerk, but he's in NY now. Did you ever hear anything about what happened to him? He isn't in school and he seems pretty screwed up._

Letting out a frustrated huff, Kurt deletes that too. He can't find the right words. Writing an email to Finn just feels so clumsy and formal. It's too detached to explain all the conflicted things he's feeling about Sebastian. He knows Finn will just tell him to be careful, without really understanding the problem. In the end, Kurt just types out a short conclusion.

_Finally saw Wicked live last week. OMG. Totally worth the wait, it was AMAZING. Please tell Rachel and make her jealous. I don't think I stopped singing for three days afterwards. Everyone round here thinks I'm a bit crazy, but c'est la vie!_

_Talk to you soon,_

_Kurt xo_

He sends it, feeling unsatisfied. Kurt then grabs his phone, looking for where Sebastian added his number. Scrolling down, he freezes, then he lets out an unexpected chuckle when he sees the contact 'Seb'. He doesn't know if its just laziness on Sebastian's part, but Kurt can't help but think it's kind of cute. He's never thought of the other boy as a 'Seb' before. He can't shake a little smile from his face as he types.

_Meet outside my dorm 6 2morrow?_

Sebastian replies five minutes later.

_C u then_

Who knows, thinks Kurt as he starts chatting to Tina on Facebook, maybe they'll make it through a conversation without yelling at each other. And maybe, just maybe, Sebastian will grow a different personality overnight. Anything is possible.


	5. Chapter 5

The next two weeks are spent hanging out with Sebastian every few days.

Their first meal is mostly successful. It starts off with Sebastian saying 'shit, Hummel, if your outfit had anymore layers, I'd want to pass you around for pass the parcel' and ends with 'do you need me to hold your hand on the way walk home, princess?'. But other than that, it's okay. They walk to the Mexican restaurant in silence. Sebastian has left his hair falling over his eyes and lets his gaze wander over every good-looking person they walk past. Kurt thinks Sebastian is doing solely for Kurt's benefit. Sebastian is much more relaxed that the previous day, all the anxiety that Kurt had found so disturbing is absent. Kurt realises it is mostly a mental adjustment - reminding himself not be to affected by Sebastian flirting with the waiter, the bartender and the random guy he meets in the bathroom. It's similar to wearing in a new pair of stubborn leather boots.

Kurt makes an effort to keep the conversation vague over the food; no family angst, no recriminations. He is surprised to find that Sebastian has some very interesting things to say about gay marriage and rights, even though he isn't sure how they got onto the topic.

'That's the question though – do we need to keep screaming about being out and proud, or has it reached the point where society needs examples of gay men who aren't defined by their sexuality?'

Of course, every serious comment is mixed in with a very sarcastic crack about Kurt's lifestyle/relationship/clothes. Kurt gives as good as he gets, though, calling Sebastian every name he can think of and only getting a chilly smile in response. It works quite well, them both trying to get a rise out of each other. The three bottles of wine they've worked through also helps ease the way. It's late in the night when Kurt slips up, saying a question before thinking it through properly.

'Is Trough the only club you work at?'

'Yeah, I mean, Carl owns a few, but he says that I-'

Sebastian stops talking suddenly, snapping his mouth closed. He obviously began answering with as little thought as Kurt put into the original question. He looks at Kurt wide-eyed for a few seconds. Then tightens his mouth and snaps at Kurt.

'It's none of your damn business, okay?'

Kurt – tipsy and not wanting to ruin the night – tries to change the topic quickly.

'We should go do karaoke sometime,' he says, leaning forward eagerly, 'it would be fun.'

'I don't sing,' says Sebastian, shaking his head.

'I've heard you sing!' replies Kurt indignantly.

'I don't sing anymore.'

'Touché,' says Kurt lowly, rolling his eyes.

By the end of the evening Kurt is exhausted, but not unhappy. That is, until he walks into the bathroom and finds Sebastian retching over toilet. Kurt hesitantly walks over and passes him some paper towel when he stops.

'How much did you drink before dinner?'

'A bit.'

Kurt leaves it at that, as much as he wants to interrogate the other boy more. He's beginning to realise this friendship – or whatever it is – will work best if Kurt leaves Sebastian to self-destruct at his own pace.

At the end of the night Kurt says 'see you next time' and Sebastian doesn't contradict him. They end up having coffee a few times in next two weeks. It's not suddenly easy – honestly, some of the things that come out of Sebastian's mouth should be illegal – but Kurt feels like Sebastian is getting something out of it. As long as Kurt never asks about anything personal, he has a good time.

He can see why Sebastian had friends at Dalton, despite being so rude and ruthless. Kurt can even see a little of why Blaine used to like the guy. He is smooth and can hold up his side of a conversation easily. He makes you want to talk to him and keep talking. What started days ago as a mercy mission for Kurt is turning into a rather compelling friendship. One of the most unbelievable things is that Sebastian can manage to be an underage runaway and a complete snob at the same time. He is eternally cynical – he criticizes people's clothes, hairstyles and pronunciation. He snidely rips into anyone who doesn't know the Latin root of a word or who reads tabloid newspapers. Kurt, who doesn't know most of the things Sebastian goes on about, is just engaged to hear someone speak with such confidence.

On the other hand, all too often their meetings end in Sebastian throwing up or Kurt having to pull him away from a potential fight. Kurt feels like he is watching little cracks in Sebastian's admittedly dazzling smile widening. He often texts Kurt saying he's not feeling good, asking to push back their meeting. He is temperamental and vicious with the tiniest provocation.

Overall, though, it is surprisingly fun. Sebastian's favourite game to play is 'who would you rather fuck?'. Kurt is reluctant at first, but gets into it as Sebastian concocts more and more elaborate scenarios.

'Okay,' he says, leaning back into the comfy Starbucks seat and watching Kurt with a grin. 'Would you rather fuck Robert Downey Jr. who is blind or Hugh Laurie without arms?'

'Robert Downey Jr,' says Kurt easily, 'no question. I mean, no arms, really? Completely not okay.'

'True. I mean, he wouldn't be able to finger you if he didn't have arms.'

Kurt focuses very hard on not blushing at that comment, instead looking with great interest at the schoolgirl ordering a muffin at the counter. He and Sebastian talk about sex a lot. Not in specific terms, but more 'I want to fuck him'/'this song is hot'/'I can't get his lips out of my head' sort of stuff. It's making Kurt edgy. He really wants sex, with Blaine, right now. He tries not to let his discomfort show. Sebastian keeps going.

'What about a fat Mike Chang or thin Trent?'

'Hmm. I'll get back to you. Probably still Mike.'

'Yeah, that guy is a babe.'

'Speaking of talented people,' says Kurt, trying to sound flippant, 'I'm having a recital next week. Freshman first unit review. You should come.'

Kurt knows that Sebastian is going to say no. He only asks because none of his family can make it and Sebastian enjoys show choir, as much as he tries to deny it. It's a moment of impulsive fantasy and Kurt is fully prepared for rejection. He is shocked when Sebastian shrugs, picking up his coffee.

'Will there be free drinks?'

'Yes.'

'Okay. I'm in.'

Kurt smiles cheerfully and tells Sebastian when it starts.

The amicable truce between them is shallow, though, and they both know it. It only functions because they never talk about anything important. Kurt never brings up the drugs, or the drinking, or why Sebastian lives in a shit apartment above a dodgy gym, or what he does with his evenings. Sebastian never brings up Blaine, or slushies, or really anything that he might give a damn about. They're both pretending – acting out a happy life where they have a friendship that consists of meeting for coffee and talking about movies. It's going to have a short lifespan, because all those issues are still bubbling below the surface. Kurt suspects Sebastian is using their conversations to escape his own problems. What Kurt is getting out of it, well… perhaps it's the pull of mystery surrounding Sebastian and the fact that it's nice to have a friend outside his small college world. Having the chance to get out and speak to someone new is a relief. New York can be lonely.

Whatever their respective reasons, Kurt knows that something between them is going to blow up sooner or later. Knowing Sebastian, probably sooner.

'You still coming tonight?'

There is a brief silence on the other end of the phone, and then Sebastian speaks in a thick voice.

'Oh. Yeah… yeah. I'll be there. Your thing. Sounds good.'

He sounds rough. Kurt makes a displeased noise.

'Seb, did you forget?'

'Almost, probably not. I mean no. No. I don't think so.'

'Right,' says Kurt slowly, not exactly following what Sebastian is saying. 'I guess I'll see you in a few hours?'

'Mhmm. See you.'

The line goes dead and Kurt gives himself a little mental slap for actually convincing himself Sebastian would show up. His fears turn out to be unfounded when there is a knock on his door forty minutes before start time and he opens it to find Sebastian. He is wearing Kurt's shirt from a few weeks earlier (he never did give it back) and a slim leather jacket. His hair is neat and he looks almost like a Warbler again. Sebastian gives Kurt a lazy once over with his eyes.

'Nice hat. Does it come in tolerable, or only hideous?'

'It's part of my costume.'

'Sure it is.'

They make their way to the small performance room where the show is going to be. Kurt leads Sebastian up to the stage and they stand under the lights. It's empty now, but Kurt is just brimming with excitement about the chance to perform in front of an audience again.

'Hey, cool piano,' says Sebastian, eyes lighting up as he examines the instrument. He runs his fingers over the lid of the baby grand with reverence.

'You play?' asks Kurt curiously.

'Yeah. It's a big thing with my family. My grandmother was a professional pianist.'

It's intimate information, but Sebastian seems do distracted to get annoyed about revealing it. Kurt sidles over and gives Sebastian his best adorable expression.

'Play something? Please?'

Instantly, Sebastian snatches his hand away from the instrument, seeming to come back to his senses. He narrows his eyes at Kurt.

'No way.'

'Please, Seb?'

'I can't.'

'You just said you can play.'

'I can't, Kurt.'

'You said you can. One little song, please?'

'I said I _can't_, okay? Drop it.'

'Why can't you?'

'I…I hurt my hand,' mumbles Sebastian, jaw clenching.

'That's bullshit,' scoffs Kurt. 'Play something.'

'I _can't_,' snarls Sebastian angrily, extending his left hand and smacking it on the table under Kurt's eyes. Clearly apparent under the bright stage lights – although how has Kurt not noticed this before now? – is a fat scar that runs halfway along the back of Sebastian's hand. It's fresh and pink, obviously only recently healed. It looks _painful_. Kurt looks from the injury up to Sebastian's incensed face, his expression horrified.

'Oh my _God_, what happened?'

'I got hurt and severed a few of the tendons in my hand. They haven't really healed right, so no more piano playing for me,' says Sebastian, his voice dangerously light. He pulls his hand back and slides it into the pocket of his pants.

'How did you get hurt?' pushes Kurt, completely unconcerned about his previous policy of not questioning Sebastian on sore topics.

'I don't want to talk about it.'

'I am literally not going to leave his spot until you tell me.'

'Don't you have some stupid little dance show to get ready for?'

'Tell me now, Sebastian.'

'Or what, you'll never speak to me again? Don't tempt me. The silence would be a welcome relief.'

They stand is silence after Sebastian's last volley, because this is on the edge of becoming a real fight. Neither of them wants that, but Kurt refuses to concede. There are some things he can't let lie. After a few long seconds of staring each other down, Sebastian rolls his eyes in annoyance and speaks.

'Fine! Hell, you're impossible. Someone broke a bottle over my hand and a piece of glass got wedged in it, okay?'

Kurt feels his stomach roll instinctively at that mental image. He knows his face is pinched.

'Who broke the bottle?'

'Some guy.'

'Was it Carl?'

Sebastian's eyes widen a fraction and Kurt is sure the other boy has been hoping desperately that Kurt had forgotten that name. Sebastian's expression is a loud answer to Kurt's question. They're both trying to work out what to say next when one of Kurt's fellow performers – Roxanne – comes dashing out onto the stage looking panicked.

'Kurt! I've been looking for you. Mike ripped my skirt and I'm freaking out. You need to come help me fix it!'

'Not right now,' says Kurt sharply, reluctantly pulling his eyes away from Sebastian to look at her.

'Yes, Kurt, _now. _We're on in twenty minutes!'

Sighing in annoyance, Kurt nods and lets himself be dragged towards the door. Sebastian gives him a little sarcastic wave, before turning and walking towards the back of the room. Kurt hopes he isn't leaving.

After averting Roxie's skirt disaster, they all get ready to go on. Kurt's main piece is the last one. A lot of the students have parents or partners who have come along. With Finn away and his Dad in Washington, Kurt had expected to not have anyone to seek out in the crowd. When they file on to the stage (they're performing 'I Want To Be A Producer'), Kurt can just make out Sebastian in the back row. He's smiling. It makes Kurt want to smile too and when the performance starts, Kurt enjoys himself more than he has in any of rehearsals. The whole rhythm of the song works perfectly and everyone stands up to clap them. Kurt can see the girls around him waving at family members as they all bow; Kurt quirks an eyebrow at Sebastian who winks back.

The second they step backstage, the lead dancer grabs Kurt's arm. Annie is Kurt's closest friend in his performance group. She is a little bit terrifying. She pulls him back to the end of the stage and points to Seb, who is playing with his phone.

'Is that your boyfriend?' she asks, gazing at Kurt intently.

'No. Just a friend,' smiles Kurt.

'He's wearing your shirt,' Annie points out.

'He borrowed it.'

'_Right_. What does your boyfriend think about you having friends who look like that?'

'He's cool with it,' says Kurt, starting to get a little defensive. 'We all went to school together.'

'Is he coming to the party?'

'Yes.'

'Any chance he's straight?'

'Absolutely none.'

Annie did an exaggerated eye roll and then grinned. Kurt frowned suspiciously.

'I want to meet him.'

She practically drags Kurt back out into the mostly empty room, making a beeline for Sebastian. The other boy looks up when they are a few metres away.

'Hey,' he says, putting down his phone and standing up.

'What did you think?' asks Kurt.

'I've seen worse. Too many girls on the stage, though. The wiggling was distracting.'

'Are you calling us fat?' says Annie, but she is clearly teasing, eyeing Sebastian with interest.

'No, I'm calling you untalented.'

'At least I can afford my own clothes.'

'You can't tell from looking at you.'

Annie's grin widens. She holds out a hand, which Sebastian takes easily.

'Annie.'

'Sebastian. Pleasure. Hey Kurt?' Kurt looks up at Sebastian, having previously been glancing between them with a horrified expression. Sebastian's smirk does little to reassure him. 'I like this one.'

With that, Sebastian and Annie begin to walk backstage so Annie can get changed. Kurt follows a few steps behind, wondering if it had been a good idea to invite Sebastian along tonight. He can only imagine what sort of antics he could get into with an audience of drunken freshman girls. Even just saying hello Seb manages to piss of a few of the group within five minutes of meeting them, but most of Kurt's friends think his snark is amusing. It helps that they're all suckers for a pretty face.

The post-performance party is taking place on the roof of Kurt's dorm. They've had a few gatherings up there and it usually leads to a very messy night. Knowing that you only have to stumble a few flights of stairs to your room – and also that you know almost everyone at the party – means that any self-restraint is abandoned by the students. While here are only some rundown couches, a fake plant, a heater and a Ipod jack up there, it's still a great location for a party. Kurt can see approval in Sebastian's face when they step out onto the concrete roof. Annie and a few of the other girls are close behind them, talking loudly.

'Hey Seb,' calls Annie, moving forward and grabbing Sebastian's wrist. Kurt catches the way Sebastian freezes for a second at the contact, but Annie doesn't notice.

'Hey, I want your opinion on something.'

'Is this about your hair? Because I agree, it is very nineties and makes you look thirty.'

'Behave,' scolds Kurt, but without heat, because Annie is just laughing.

'No, you dick. About Jasper.' Annie points to were their friend is lounging on the couches, one of the girls sitting across his lap. 'Do you think he's queer?'

Sebastian tilts his head a little, evaluating this question seriously. Jasper is not the most physically attractive person in their class, but he makes up for it in charisma and confidence. He just shines in conversation; he makes himself attractive through force of personality. Kurt doesn't know him very well, but has never gotten the vibe that he's gay.

'Not sure,' replies Seb after a few moments, 'but I bet a can find out.'

'How much do you want?' giggles Annie, looking like she's enjoying this far too much. Kurt wonders if she snuck in some pre-drinks when he wasn't watching.

'Twenty bucks.'

'Done.'

Sebastian grins and makes to walk towards Jasper, but Kurt quickly grabs his arm, shaking his head.

'No freaking way. You are not taking money for seducing my possibly straight friend.'

'_Kurt_,' they both say at the same time, turning to look at him. Annie sounds whining and annoyed, but Sebastian looks… pleading? And – good _God_ – he's giving Kurt puppy dog eyes. Real, large, pathetic puppy dog eyes. His bottom lip is ever sticking out a little. Kurt is completely taken aback.

'Fine,' he says, letting go of Seb. 'But play nice.'

With that, Sebastian smoothly slides off through the small crowd. Kurt reminds himself firmly that with everything Seb seems to get up to, he can't possibly get into any real trouble at this party. There are no drugs, no older guys, no… God knows whatever else he does. A bit of flirting is harmless. While Kurt is thinking about this, Annie pushes a cup of alcohol into his hand.

'Drink up!' she says. Kurt does and then goes to get another.

He doesn't see much of Sebastian as they night goes on. Whenever he looks up from were he is playing a game of Kings with the girls, Sebastian is talking to someone, drink in hand. It surprising to Kurt how easily Sebastian seems to be getting on with everyone – he was worried that with the other boys tendency to say the most insulting thing he can think of at every opportunity, Kurt would end up keeping him company. But obviously he under-estimated Seb's social skills when he was actually trying to be pleasant.

The game of Kings is getting dirtier and dirtier. One of the girls just motor-boated another – Kurt can't stop laughing – and he's just picked up the card for 'Never Have I Ever'. He tries to think of a good one, but his mind is fuzzy and buzzing with amusement. He settles for a classic.

'Never have ever slept with two people in one night.'

One of the girls drinks shyly and the circle explodes in disbelief. The poor girl is being ruthlessly interrogated and Kurt looks away, seeking out Sebastian again. He finds him behind the people dancing - draped over Jasper on the same couch they spotted him on an hour ago. Jasper has a slightly glazed expression on his face. Seb is whispering in his ear, his expression wicked. Kurt is up in a moment, walking over to them. He gets very close to the pair, but neither boy moves. When Kurt hears what Sebastian is saying, he understands why.

'-lick along the bottom, just get it all wet. Run my lips over your balls. You should feel my mouth, baby, it's so hot. Just hot and slick, I bet your cock would taste amazing. I want-'

Kurt grabs the back of Sebastian's shirt and hauls him backwards. Seb stumbles, reaching out to Kurt to get his balance. Jasper is desperately trying to cover his obvious erection. Sebastian looks smug. Kurt – a little drunk, yes, but still justifiably displeased – points a finger at Sebastian.

'No messing around with my friends.'

'Come on, I was just-'

'No. No fooling around. Verbal or otherwise.'

Sebastian looks ready to argue when a new song starts playing. It's 'Feeling Good' by Muse and Sebastian grins, saying loudly 'I love this song'. He pulls Kurt into the group of people dancing and they sway as a group to the music, holding out until the heavy beat drops. Kurt laughs, happy and drunk, enjoying watching Sebastian spin around. Seb throws an arm around his shoulders and they dance together, side by side, both smiling. Kurt tilts his head back, staring up at the New York sky that never really gets dark. He closes his eyes, the world tilting a little, but he loves it. He loves this.

The moment is interrupted when there is a crash behind them and they both whip around to see that Annie has tripped over the fake palm tree. She is lying on the ground laughing, but Kurt can see blood where she's scrapped her knee. They're both by her side in a moment.

'Annie, are you okay?' says Sebastian surprisingly gently as he pulls her up. Annie nods, but Kurt thinks she doesn't look well. Seb seems to agree, trying to catch her eye and finding that she can't keep them open.

'Should we take her back to my room?'

'Yeah, good idea,' says Sebastian and they both help her walk towards the stairs. Sebastian takes the time to turn and blow Jasper a little kiss before they go through the door.

Walking down the stairs is a challenge, because they're almost as drunk as Annie. When they reach Kurt's room, it's even harder because the light in the corridor has blown out and Kurt can't get the key in the lock. Eventually, they get inside and ease Annie onto Andrew's bed. Kurt goes to the bathroom to wet a cloth, he comes back to find that Sebastian has taken off Annie's shoes and is sitting on the desk watching her. Kurt quickly stoops down to wipe the blood off her knee. Annie has fallen asleep, completely unaware of her surroundings. Kurt tosses the dirty cloth in his washing and turns to Sebastian.

'More wine?'

'Hell yes,' grins Seb, clearly surprised by Kurt's enthusiasm. Kurt pulls out the bottle he has stashed in his scarf collection. They drink it out of Andrew's mugs.

'Your friends are pretty cool,' says Sebastian, leaning back against the wall. Kurt takes him in – his hair has become messed up again and he looks happy. Not stressed and tense, just relaxed. He looks like he should be hanging out with friends after school.

'You know,' continues Sebastian, not noticing Kurt's scrutiny, 'if you weren't you and I wasn't me right now, I'd totally try and sleep with you.'

'Erm, thanks. I guess.'

'You're welcome. I wanted you to know.'

They sit in silence, both drinking and thinking. The mood between them has become more pensive and heavy now that there is no music or laughter.

'You really scare me sometimes,' says Kurt, because this feels like the time to say such things.

'M'sorry,' replies Seb, staring at his cup. 'But you are, like, really bossy. Seriously. You gotta back off.'

'Someone's got to look out for you.'

Sebastian gives him a very unimpressed look.

'Kurt, you're not even a year older than me.'

'Does Nate look out for you? Are you guys close?' Kurt says curiously. He's wondered about Sebastian's relationship with his roommate. They live to together, they work together and Nate is undisputedly gorgeous. He can't see Sebastian settling for a platonic relationship.

'If I come home and he's still alive that's a good day,' mutters Sebastian into his cup.

'What?' says Kurt, leaning forward.

'Nothing. No, we don't fuck. It's not allowed.'

Kurt doesn't know if what Sebastian is saying is actually confusing, or if Kurt is just too drunk to really understand it. He rubs his face tiredly, his palm coming away bronze from the makeup he hadn't properly taken off after the show.

'What? I don't get it. Now allowed?'

'Okay, this little D n' M is over. You're girl parts are showing,' says Sebastian, sliding off the desk and putting down his cup. He face is tense again, eyes shuttered. Kurt wishes he'd left the subject alone, but he knows that Sebastian is heading towards some sort of catastrophe and Kurt is sick of not talking about it. He's sick of backing off, of going for coffee and not having real conversations. He's sick of having to tease and bait every little smile out of Sebastian. He's sick of having his good intensions thrown back in his face. He's sick of trying to care about someone who doesn't give a shit about him.

'You know, you're a jerk,' says Kurt flatly.

'I know. I practise a lot. It's a life skill,' shoots back Sebastian sarcastically.

'You know this thing in your chest?' snaps Kurt, standing and moving in to plant his hand firmly over Sebastian's heart. 'This is for more than pumping blood, in case you didn't realise. Most people feel something in there.'

Sebastian slaps Kurt's hand away like it burns. They stare at each other for a few seconds.

'Fuck you, Kurt,' says Sebastian tiredly. He turns and opens the door, walking out silently. It swings closed behind him and Kurt reaches out to close it gently. The silence in the room is uncomfortable. Kurt wishes he were able to leave Sebastian to self-destruct in peace.

He flops down on the bed, angry and starting to feel very tired. The world is spinning awfully whenever he closes his eyes. Not able to sleep with the thoughts racing around his head, Kurt lies in his bed staring at the ceiling. Eventually, he falls asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**I've changed the end of the last chapter a little after re-reading it, so, shhh… let's all pretend it never happened. Thanks to anyone reading – I really do hope you enjoy!**

_Sorry about last night. Thanks for inviting me._

That is the text Kurt wakes up to, stomach churning and eyes heavy. He feels terrible - he expected to, but still, it's annoying - and he lies on under the covers, staring at the message, lips pursed. It's nice of Sebastian to apologise, but it doesn't fully relieve his feelings of disappointment from the night before. He tucks his phone back under the pillow and buries his face back into the soft fabric. A beam of light is glaring into the room from between a gap in his curtains and Kurt can feel it's warmth on his cheek. He lets out a long sigh.

Kurt finally gets up after pressing snooze on his alarm three times. He needs to book a plane ticket home for Thanksgiving. He's been putting it off for a week and he's leaving in two days. He pulls his laptop onto the bed with a groan and opens it gingerly. He suspects he might still be drunk, because the screen is jumping around a little. He takes extra care when booking his ticket, not wanting to risk getting the month wrong on the booking or some other mistake. After he's triple checked it and has the email confirmation in his Inbox, he closes the laptop and lies back down. He should get up and eat something; at this point he isn't sure if the rolling of his stomach is due to hunger or nausea. After getting dressed and seeing that Annie left while he was still asleep, Kurt grabs his phone and calls Sebastian.

'Hey, thanks for the text.'

'No problem,' says Sebastian, sounding as tired and sick as Kurt feels. 'It was fun.'

'You get home okay?'

'Obviously. When are you heading back to Ohio?'

'Tuesday.'

'Guess I'll see you when you get back.'

Kurt has the crazy urge to invite Sebastian home with him. To get him out of this city and back to reality. He quickly dismisses it, however, because the original thought is then followed by thoughts of Blaine and his Dad.

'Guess so. See you then, Seb.'

'Bye Kurt.'

After they hang up, Kurt runs his face and leans against his closed door for a moment. He's so excited to be heading home - to just have a break from being an adult, from having to look after himself in New York. Even if he reluctant to leave Sebastian for five days. Kurt doesn't examine that emotion too deeply.

Kurt starts to get nervous on the plane. It's so silly - or at least, that's what he keeps telling himself - to get nervous about going home. Home should be the easiest place to return to. Home is his Dad and the smell of motor oil. Home is the broken floor board outside his room and the strange shop at the mall that is never open. Home is just Lima, home should be easy. Except, he's worried that he's changed too much to get that feeling back. Kurt sits on the plane with a magazine in front of him, but he spends most of the flight flicking through the pages without taking them in. Towards the end he just gives up and stares out the window.

When they finally land, Kurt is tapping his foot waiting for the people in front of him to leave the plane. They all walk so slowly and when - _finally_ - Kurt is stepping through the gate into the arrivals area, his eyes easy find his Dad standing by a pillar. He's got his cap on and a big smile just for Kurt. Kurt feels his chest do a little twist and then he just runs through all the people and throws his arms around his Dad.

'Hey buddy,' says Burt, his grin evident in his voice. 'Missed you.'

Kurt squeezes his Dad tight and wonders how he could ever be nervous about seeing this man.

'Missed you too, Dad,' Kurt replies, his words muffled in his Dad's shoulder.

They pull back, Burt's hands gripping Kurt's shoulders as he looks his son over.

'Is that what they're wearing in New York these days?'

'Yes,' grins Kurt, still overflowing with happiness. 'It's very in.'

'Mm, if you say so,' says Burt, grumbling playfully, letting Kurt go. Before either of them can say anything else, Kurt hears a happy voice from behind him.

'Kurt! Hey!'

He turns to see Blaine pushing through the small crowd of people at the gate. They crash into a hug, both trying to get to the other. Kurt feels tears welling up in his throat at the sight of the two people he loves most in the world. Blaine is squeezing him tightly, laughing.

'I can't believe you're here! God, Kurt.' He pulls back and plants an excited kiss on Kurt's lips. Kurt wraps his arms firmly around Blaine's shoulders and kisses him back. They end up basically just smiling against each others mouths, foreheads pressed together.

'Come on, boys,' says Burt, watching them, 'let's go home.'

Kurt takes Blaine's hand and squeezes it tightly. The look on Blaine's face - the way his eyes are shining, the flush on his cheeks from seeing Kurt - makes Kurt think about how he ever got himself such a perfect boyfriend.

They talk excitedly as they walk out to the car, Burt carrying Kurt's bag.

'I was thinking we could meet up with some people. Almost everyone is back for Thanksgiving - Quinn, Mike, Sam - and I thought it might be fun to hang out with them. Although I'm going to be so jealous, hearing about all the fun everyone is having at college.'

Kurt glances at his Dad quickly, wanting to check if it's okay for him to leave the house and hang out with his old Glee Club friends tonight. Burt just nods, a little grudgingly.

'Go see your friends. But this is the only night I'm letting you out. I don't pay for you to fly home so you can go out every night.'

'No, this is all. Thanks Dad,' beams Kurt, giving him a final little hug before they all get in the car.

Blaine and Kurt sit in the backseat, pressed up close to each other. Blaine turns his head to place an affectionate kiss on Kurt's cheek.

'It is so amazing to see you,' he says quietly.

Kurt just shifts a little closer, so that their shoulders are pressed together and he can feel Blaine's thigh against his own.

'I know.'

They reach Kurt's house and Carol is there to give Kurt another big hug. She gets teary very quickly and Kurt guesses she is missing Finn a lot. He gives her an extra squeeze and then compliments every little change to the house - the new cushions, the vinyl recors player, the wine glasses. Carol is smiling widely by the end. Blaine hovers around behind Kurt, seeming unable to leave his boyfriends presence for more than a few seconds. They keep sharing little smiles.

Finally, they're alone in Kurt's room and Blaine pushes Kurt down onto the neatly made bed. The air in the room is a little stuffy, but Kurt stops noticing this as Blaine climbs on top of him. They kiss properly for the first time, pressing against each other, both desperate to feel closer.

'God, Kurt, I missed you,' breathes Blaine, head dropping down to run his lips over Kurt's jaw and then down his neck. Kurt lets out a low moan, threading his fingers into Blaine's hair.

They keep making out, the ferocity of their first kisses relaxing into a lazy re-exploration of each other's bodies. Kurt is sliding his hands over the warm skin of Blaine's back under his sweater when Blaine's phone rings. They move apart just enough for Blaine to answer it.

'H-hey... he's here...oh shut up, we were not... at seven? That's fine... okay, see you then!'

He puts down the phone and goes back to nuzzling Kurt's collar bone.

'Who was that?' asks Kurt breathlessly.

'Tina. We're meeting at Breadstix at seven.'

Seven o'clock isn't far away and soon Kurt has to slide out from under Blaine. They chatter easily as Kurt picks out an outfit and Blaine fixes his hair. Kurt is feeling so happy, relaxed, all his fears about this visit seem to have been completely unfounded.

'Ready?' asks Blaine, tightening his bow tie.

'Yes,' smiles Kurt, walking over to adjust his collar affectionately.

They get into Blaine's car and Kurt tries to think of all the questions he has been waiting to ask Blaine. There have been endless phone calls, but that's not the same as being able to study the other boy's face as he answers. Kurt wants to catch up on every detail, he wants to feel part of Blaine's life. Blaine beats him to it.

'You look a bit tired. I guess your schedule must be pretty hectic?'

'It's actually not that bad,' replies Kurt. 'But every time we finish a paper or something, we go out to celebrate having finished. It's a vicious cycle.'

Blaine laughs at this, glancing away from the road to smile at Kurt. Kurt asks his own question.

'How's Glee going? What are you planning for Regionals?'

'Glee is okay,' says Blaine after a pause and for the first time that day, he sounds subdued.

'Only okay?'

'Mr Schue keeps giving me all the solos,' and Kurt has to laugh, because only Blaine could sound so miserable about such a problem.

'What's the problem? You like solos.'

'But this is _all_ the solos. I think it's a weird post-Rachel fear of giving any of the new kids a chance. It's getting really awkward.'

Kurt still giggles, because he can't believe this is Blaine's biggest compliant. Blaine pouts at him, but then smiles, clearly just happy to see Kurt happy.

They arrive at Breadstix and are barely out of the car before Sam is rushing up to them, throwing his arms around Kurt with a yell. Kurt gingerly pats him on the back in return.

'Hey Sam,' he smiles, as Sam also hugs Blaine tightly.

Once they're inside, they instantly see the rest of the New Directions (minus Rory, Rachel and Finn) sitting in a big booth. Kurt thinks his face might break from all the smiling he's been doing. Blaine grabs his hand and pulls him towards the group. They sit down between Sam and Brittany.

'Kurt,' drawls Santana with a grin. 'My favourite Manhattan queer. How's the big apple?'

And with that they all launch into a giant catch up session. They compare classes, campuses and new friends. They talk about what they miss most about home and what they don't miss at all. There is so much gossip that Kurt can feel himself becoming completely overwhelmed, next to him Blaine has a slightly strained smile fixed on his face. He doesn't say much, neither does Tina. Kurt squeezes Blaine's hand gently.

'Oh and you'll never guess who lives next door to me at Yale.' Quinn interrupts Mike and the whole group falls silent to listen to her. 'Nick Duval, the Warbler. He's such a sweet guy.'

'Really?' says Blaine, perking up for the first time since they started talking about colleges, 'Nick is a great guy. I didn't know he got into Yale.'

'He's doing Anthropology,' smiles Quinn. Kurt sees an opening in the conversation and takes it without a second thought.

'Speaking of Warblers, does anyone know what happened to Sebastian Smythe?' says Kurt, pretending the thought has just occurred to him. Blaine shoots him a slightly quizzical look, but Kurt ignores it.

'I don't know,' frowns Quinn. 'He sort of just disappeared after the Michael Jackson thing.'

'I hope he's somewhere miserable,' chimes in Santana, eyes hard. 'Maybe on a street corner.'

Everyone laughs at that and Kurt tries to look unaffected.

'Jeff told me he just left and then a few weeks later his parents came to get his stuff from Dalton. He's probably at a different boarding school out of State,' adds Blaine.

Then conversation then shifts to Mercedes and her new boyfriend. Blaine's interest wanes again and Kurt wishes he'd never bought up Sebastian, because now he's chewing his lip wondering what the other boy is doing back in New York.

'Want to head home? I'm tired.' Kurt leans over to whisper to Blaine, because he is feeling drained and suddenly not in the mood to socialise. He just wants to be with Blaine.

'Yes, sure,' replies Blaine, with a quick searching gaze that silently asks if Kurt is okay. Kurt just smiles reassuringly and they make their excuses, leaving quickly. The others seem disappointed, but understanding – Puck makes a lewd comment about sexual frustration and Skype.

Kurt continues to feel oddly tense for the rest of the night, even as he watches TV with Carol and they all call Finn. Blaine can't seem to stop smiling, stealing kisses from Kurt at every opportunity. No body questions him staying the night; Burt washed his hands of that when Kurt turned eighteen. He says it's none of his business now. It's only 10pm when they make they say goodnight and head up to Kurt's room.

As soon as the door closes behind them, Blaine is kissing Kurt again, unbuttoning his cardigan.

'I'd almost forgotten how amazing it is to have you around,' whispers Blaine against his lips, the tips of his fingers sliding under Kurt's shirt to stroke his hips. 'I love being able to touch you.'

'God, I think about you all the time,' replies Kurt breathlessly, tracing the back of Blaine's neck with his fingers. His skin was so hot under Kurt's hands.

'I wish I could be in New York with you, I wish we could do this every night,' moans Blaine in reply. It's a throwaway line, said in the moment before their lips crash together, but for some reason it hits Kurt hard.

'Wait, wait,' he says, taking a step back from Blaine, 'I need to talk to you about something.'

'You- what?' says Blaine distractedly, licking his red lips and staring at Kurt's mouth. Kurt takes another step back, letting out a steading breath. He had to do this now.

'I said we need to talk.'

For a brief moment, there is a flash of fear in Blaine's eyes and Kurt feels bad for using those words. He instantly puts a reassuring hand on Blaine's shoulder, his thumb resting on the skin of Blaine's neck.

'It's not bad. I promise. I've just been waiting and I can't put if off anymore.'

They sit down on the bed, easily falling into the familiar position of Blaine resting against the headboard with Kurt between his legs, chest to back. Blaine loops his arms around Kurt's middle and leans his chin against Kurt's temple. Kurt closes his eyes for a second and just savours the feeling – Blaine with him, Blaine's arms and smell. He can tell his boyfriend is waiting for him to talk.

'When I asked about Sebastian earlier,' he begins, shallowly nervously and choosing his words carefully, 'it was because I've run into him in New York.'

Blaine's arms tighten a little and Kurt can picture his adorably confused frown. He doesn't interrupt, though, just listens silently.

'We've been seeing each other for coffee. We're sort of friends now.'

'You're sort of friends with Sebastian Smythe?' asks Blaine slowly, voice unsure.

'Yes. We have coffee.'

'Right,' says Blaine and there is a silence where Kurt listens to Blaine's breathing. 'I didn't see that coming.'

'I know. Me either. It's just kinda of happened.'

'Which school is he going to?'

This was going to be the worst part, because Kurt isn't going to lie to Blaine, but he also doesn't want to completely explain what Sebastian's current situation is. Mainly because Kurt doesn't actually know a lot of the details and can only hazard paranoid guesses about most of it. Also, he knows Blaine would automatically tell him to steer clear of Seb and – Kurt mentally shudders at the thought – even tell Kurt's Dad about it. So he chooses to be honest without being explicit.

'He's not in school. I think his parents kicked him out or something. He's working at a gym.'

Even this abbreviated version makes Blaine shift and turn Kurt so he can look into his eyes. Blaine looks concerned and curious, Kurt winces a little.

'Is he okay?'

'Yes… I mean, he's alright. I think he's lonely.'

Only Blaine, sweet compassionate Blaine, could worry about Sebastian after the boy nearly blinded him. Kurt smiles a little and leans in to press a gentle kiss to Blaine's lips. Blaine holds him a little tighter.

'I'm not sure he's a great friend to have, Kurt. From what the Warblers told me, he's a pretty vindictive guy.'

'I know, but… he needs a friend. And we have fun.'

'You're too nice,' says Blaine, nuzzling Kurt's cheek casually. 'I can't believe you are voluntarily spending time with Sebastian. What do you guys do exactly?'

'Just drink and talk about things.'

'I still can't really picture it. You and Sebastian. Talking.'

'Seb's not so bad.'

The nickname slips out and Kurt feels Blaine tense against him. Blaine stares at him – large hazel eyes questioning, confused. Kurt knows what he's thinking. _How much time are you spending with him? He's beautiful, we both know it. He is too casual with his pretty eyes and dirty smiles. He's there and I'm not. How much time are you spending with him, Kurt? Why haven't you told me until now? This is strange, Kurt, and I want to trust you. I do trust you. It's Sebastian, though, and here's there when I'm not. What's going on?_

All Blaine does, though, after a few seconds is drop his eyes and sigh.

'Okay. Be careful, Kurt.'

That's the last talking they do, as Kurt rolls Blaine over and presses a desperate kiss to his lips. They keep kissing until finally all their clothes are off and all Kurt can think is _finally_.

The next three days go by so fast that Kurt is back at the airport before he even really gets his head around being home. Blaine is quiet and teary; he's trying to be positive but is clearly miserable. Kurt knows that it is hard for him – being stuck in Ohio when his friends are scattered around the country, being separated from Kurt. They share equally despondent looks as Burt parks the car. Kurt doesn't want to leave (but at the same time, Lima feels small and stifling. He misses the city, the buzz, his life).

'I'll see you in two weeks,' Kurt says when they have to say goodbye. Blaine nods silently, jaw tight and eyes bright.

'I love you, Blaine Anderson,' continues Kurt vehemently. Then he pulls Blaine into his arms and they hold on tight until Burt coughs discreetly. The boys pull apart and Kurt picks up his bag.

Kurt keeps turning around as he heads towards the gate until Blaine is finally out of sight. The solitude hits him like a blow to the chest and he sighs heavily. It's never going to be easy to leave Blaine behind.

His flight is called and Kurt tries to get his head back in New York, not sitting with Blaine in his bedroom in Ohio.

When he gets out of the cab a few hours later, it's raining. Somehow, that seems appropriate. The noise of the city hits Kurt hard as he tries to find his keys. There are people everywhere and part of him is relieved to be back in New York, back in his beautiful college life. It's just getting dark and the dusk is atmospheric. Kurt has a plan to go back to his room, drop is stuff and then go out for Chinese. He might start his readings for the next week, or just watch some television.

The light outside his room still hasn't been fixed and Kurt makes a mental note to complain to someone about it. He gets the fright of his life when the person who has been sitting opposite his door gets up. Kurt hadn't even noticed Sebastian sitting there.

'God, you scare- oh _shit_. Seb.'

That's the only thing he can think as he stares at Sebastian with his mouth open. His friend's face is a _disaster_. There is dried blood on his chin and lips, clearly having come from his swollen nose. He has a dark, purpling bruise under his swollen right eye and an ugly cut on his cheek. He looks like hell and Kurt thinks there are tears mixed in with the blood. Seb's whole posture is slumped, hands buried inside his large dark hoodie. He is staring at Kurt wordlessly, eyes intense, and Kurt doesn't know what to say.

Kurt hasn't moved when Sebastian steps forward suddenly and catches Kurt in a tight hug. Kurt automatically reaches up and wraps his arms around Seb's shoulders. It's a shock to feel the taller boy's slim body so close to his own. They stand in the dark corridor. Kurt wonders how long Sebastian has been sitting there waiting for him. He wonders what the hell he is meant to do now.


	7. Chapter 7

**A vague warning that from this point on things gets a little more mature - hopefully nothing too shocking, but still. Also, thanks so much to the people who took the time to review… you really do make my day. **

Kurt slides out of the hug with Sebastian, running his eyes again over the other boys bloody face. It makes him feel a bit sick, taking in the colour of his bruised eye and swollen nose. Kurt wishes he had never seen his friend looking like this, it's a memory he doesn't want. Sebastian is beaten and bloody, skin white underneath his injuries.

'Come in,' he says gently, turning his key in the lock and pushing open the door. He switches on the light and keeps a hand on Sebastian's forearm as he leads him to the bed. Sebastian follows without protest and sits down, he's shaking under Kurt's hand. Kurt notices that Andrew has left a window open and water is spitting through it. He goes to close it, picking up some tissues to mop up the water. When he turns around, Sebastian is sitting utterly still, resting his face in his upturned hands. Kurt picks up the cloth that he had used a week ago to clean up Annie's knee and speaks in a quiet voice.

'I'm just going to go wet this. I'll be right back.'

Sebastian doesn't acknowledge his words. Kurt hurriedly leaves the room, the whole time unable to think anything another than _shit, oh my god, holy shit_. When he gets back, Sebastian looks up - the blood and his shattered expression hits Kurt again.

'Here,' says Kurt, passing Sebastian the wet cloth. Sebastian takes it and begins wiping the blood off his chin and then gingerly cleaning the cut on his cheek. Kurt sits down on the desk, watching him closely.

'Seb… what happened?'

'Some guys,' says Sebastian and his voice is raw, 'came into work looking for Carl. Found me instead. It got broken up pretty quick, but… but-'

'But not quick enough,' finishes Kurt. He sighs. He's not even that surprised. 'Is it, um, just your face?'

Sebastian nods and Kurt is grateful, because he's not exactly sure what he would do if Sebastian's injuries were more extensive. He knows a hospital isn't necessary, although there is something appealing about the thought of leaving Sebastian in the care of professionals. People who know what they're doing. Basically not Kurt.

When Sebastian's face is cleaned off – and it almost looks worse now – Kurt moves over to sit down next to him. Sebastian shifts closer, their shoulders brushing against each other.

'Are you okay?' asks Kurt quietly.

'Not really. I thought they weren't going to stop,' replies Sebastian at the same volume. He pauses and then speaks again in a tone closer to his usual, confidant manner. 'How was Lima? Meet any friendly new homophobes?'

Kurt is a little stumped by the question. Ohio seems so far away. It can't be only that afternoon that he was watching _Cheers_ re-runs with Blaine on the couch.

'It was okay. Nice to see my Dad and everyone else. A bit weirdly quiet.'

'And did you and Blainey spoon? Let me guess… you're the little spoon.'

Sebastian's voice is weak, even as he teases Kurt. Kurt reaches down to squeeze his hand, noticing that the skin is stained with blood, obviously from Sebastian wiping his nose with the back of his hand.

'Do you want to stay here tonight?' asks Kurt. 'Andrew isn't back until tomorrow. Oh… unless you need to work?'

It's a Saturday night. He knows he sounds disapproving as he says it, but Kurt refuses to keep his opinions to himself when Sebastian is sitting miserable and battered on his bed. Sebastian just shakes his head and lets out a quiet, bitter laugh.

'No. I can't work until this all heals. Carl says no one will want to buy from me when I'm bruised up. He only keeps me round because I'm _pretty_.'

Sebastian spits out the last word and Kurt's expression mirrors the disgust in Seb's voice. His fingers tighten on top of Sebastian's.

'So, he saw you like this? And he let you, what, wander off in the rain still bleeding?'

Sebastian turns to him, lips twisted in an unpleasant expression.

'I'm not deluded enough to think he gives a fuck about me. I'll have to make missing tonight up to him.'

'But it wasn't your fault!'

Scoffing, Sebastian pulls himself up and lets out an agitated breath. He looks down at Kurt's concerned face and obviously tries to soften his own expression.

'It's just the way it is. But I would like to stay. Thanks.'

'You're welcome,' replies Kurt automatically. 'We should get you some ice for your eye, though.'

'I need to grab some things from my place,' says Sebastian and he seems calmer. 'I'll meet you back here?'

'No.' Kurt shakes his head, standing up and meeting Sebastian's eyes. 'I'll come with you. It's getting late and you're hurt. Let's go together.'

Sebastian's lips quirk in a thankful smile. 'Okay.'

Grabbing an umbrella and a sweater, Kurt follows Sebastian down the stairs and onto the street. They have to stand close under the umbrella, both still getting slightly wet. Kurt is glad it's not far to Sebastian's place. He takes the time as they walk to think about this situation. In the five days he's been gone Sebastian seems to have lost all the fight he was using to push Kurt away.

They stop next to the Red Bear Gym sign, Sebastian opening the door that conceals the narrow flight of stairs leading up to his place. Kurt casts a resentful eye down at the entrance to the gym, wishing the place would just cease to exist. There's probably still some of Sebastian's blood on the carpet in there.

'Can you just wait down here for a minute,' says Sebastian, standing in the doorway. 'I just need to clean up. Please.'

'Um, sure,' says Kurt with raised eyebrows. It seems a bit strange, but he doesn't want to complain. Sebastian jogs up the stairs, leaving Kurt standing under the umbrella in the alley. Kurt waits a few minutes, pacing a little, then closes the umbrella and follows.

He has never been into Sebastian's apartment before. While it's quite dingy and small, Kurt has seen (and imagined) a lot worse. It's a little dirty, but there is nothing obviously putrid about it. It's mostly empty and its biggest fault is that it feels incredibly depressing. Maybe in the daytime it would be nicer, but Kurt doubts it.

Nate is lying spread out on the couch in is Red Bear work clothes. He is in the middle of a loud conversation with Sebastian, who is clearly in the other room.

'-such a cunt about it, seriously. I can't believe you didn't – who the fuck are you?'

He spots Kurt. Nate rakes his eyes over Kurt dismissively, and then sits up a little, a snide grin on his handsome face.

'Hey, I remember you. You came into the gym, it was freakin' hilarious. Are you fucking around with Sebby now? You don't look like his type - not going to bend him over anything and make him scream. Hey Seb, your girlfriend is here!'

Kurt blinks at the rude words, turning his head as Sebastian calls out from the other room. He doesn't sound affected by Nate's statement.

'Hey Kurt, I'm in here.'

Nate ignores Kurt as he steps further into the apartment, leaning back against the cushions and closing his eyes. Kurt thinks he's looking a bit under the weather, but doesn't hang around to look closer. He walks through the room and then into Sebastian's bedroom. It's another small, bare room. There is a single bed, a pile of clothes and a milk crate doubling as a bedside table. The tiny window has a view of the brick wall of the next building. Sebastian is standing in the middle of the room, looking anxious.

'I need to take a shower. Do you mind waiting here?'

He's halfway into the bathroom before Kurt replies. 'Alright.'

The bathroom door closes and seconds later Kurt hears the shower turn on. Kurt looks around the room, feeling awkward. He eventually settles on the bed with the milk crate next to it. There are some books stacked on it, as well as a mobile phone, keys and a few other items. Kurt reaches over a stack of condoms and picks up one of the books. It is some Russian novel. As Kurt goes to put it back, he notices a flyer, lined with dust, sitting behind the books. He pulls it out carefully, it's an admissions brochure for Yale's undergraduate program. Kurt's breath catches as he flicks through it and sees neat handwriting next to key dates and various scholarships. Towards the end, in the list of majors, there is a confident circle drawn around 'Biomedical Engineering'. Kurt stares at it, surprise blooming inside him. This is Sebastian's, but clearly he hasn't touched it in months. Spurned on by this discovery, Kurt searches through the other items stacked on the milk crate. The books are all novels he's never heard of, but when he flips open the cover of the last one, there is a note written on the first page. Kurt reads it over three times.

_Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom. Happy Birthday, Sebastian. - Dad_

Kurt puts the book back quickly, suddenly feeling flushed and guilty. Clearly that's personal. The inscription somehow makes him feel even worse than Seb's damaged face had that afternoon. Sebastian's parents have always been an abstract concept in his mind, but now he's seen proof of a man who gives his son books as a birthday present. Sebastian is his son. The phrase sits uneasily in his mind.

Kurt doesn't notice that the shower had turned off until the bathroom room opens and Sebastian appears, wearing a pair of jeans and a more relaxed expression. He has a towel slung over one arm. His bruised eye shocks Kurt again; he keeps forgetting it's going to be there. He also sees more clearly the tattoo that he'd briefly noticed in the club weeks before. It seems safer to look at it rather than at Sebastian's wet chest.

'What does it say?' Kurt asks, pointing to the small black words on Sebastian's hip.

'_Made in Taiwan_,' laughs Sebastian, glancing down. 'I got it a few years ago. Thought it was hilarious at the time.'

'I'm sure you did,' says Kurt, a little disbelieving.

'Oh shut up,' says Seb, still grinning. 'Like you've never done anything stupid. At least it's not a Chinese character.'

'I guess.'

Kurt is still feeling somewhat awkward and he doesn't know where to look, so he stares at his hands as Sebastian gets dressed. The other boy grabs his phone and keys, turning to look at Kurt.

'Let's go.'

They walk out, past Nate who is still lying unmoving on the couch. Sebastian barely spares him a glance and Kurt follows his lead. They're halfway out the door when Sebastian's roommate calls after them.

'Have fun fingering each others pussies, ladies!'

The door shuts with a snap. They get back out onto the street, only to find it's raining harder. Sebastian, being the taller of the pair, takes the umbrella and they walk quickly back toward Kurt's dorm. They briefly stop at the corner store to get ice, but soon they're kicking off their wet shoes in Kurt's room.

It seems mutually agreed that they're both exhausted and Kurt starts getting ready for bed. Sebastian kicks off his jeans – with some trouble, because they're practically painted on – and slides into Andrew's bed in his boxers. Kurt walks across to the bathroom to moisturise, exfoliate and tone. When he comes back to the room, Sebastian is lying on his back, eyes closed, holding the icepack against one side of his face. Kurt gets into his pyjamas quickly and checks his phone.

There is a missed call from Blaine and a text from Andrew saying his flight gets in at 11am. Kurt is simply too exhausted to call Blaine back. He wants to go to sleep. He turns off the light and settles into his own bed, letting a soft breath as he sinks into the mattress and rolls onto his stomach. He lies in the darkness for almost ten minutes before Sebastian speaks, pulling him back from the beginnings of sleep.

'Thanks for letting me stay.'

'S'no problem,' mumbles Kurt.

'I missed you while you were away.'

That wakes Kurt up a little, the tug of emotion inside him strong and unexpected. He rolls onto his back, pauses, and speaks his thoughts into the dark room.

'How much more of this are you going to take? Your hand and now this. Next time it might be worse.'

There is no reply, but Kurt can hear Sebastian's despondent sigh. Kurt sighs and keeps talking.

'What are you going to have to do to make this up to Carl?'

He doesn't get a reply.

'Seb?'

There is more silence and Kurt thinks that Sebastian has decided to stop answering. Maybe he is asleep. Kurt is just about to roll back over when Seb's voice fills the darkness – it's wavering, he sounds close to tears. Every word seems like it's being forced out.

'He always jokes about porn. Says when I turn 18, he knows people. If I'm not earning my keep, he'll get me doing porn. He says I'd make him serious cash, he says…says I'd be so good at it-'

Sebastian stops with a wet whimper, unable to continue. Kurt's heart has begun beating harder in his chest. He listens as Sebastian tries to slow his breathing, forcing himself to calm down. The silence is dizzyingly full of all the things Kurt wants to scream. Kurt wants to shout at Sebastian that he is never, _ever_ going to let that happen. He wants to go over and shake Sebastian, yell at him to get the hell away from this man.

Kurt lies in horrified silence until Sebastian is asleep. The other boy has had such an awful day that Kurt isn't surprised he drifts off so easily. On the other hand, Kurt is left staring into the darkness unable to get his mind to stop running in circles. He isn't sure what time it is when he eventually falls asleep.

o:o:o:o

A door closing loudly wakes Kurt up. He blearily opens an eye and sees Sebastian getting back into bed, clearly having just gone to the bathroom. Their eyes meet and Sebastian looks guilty when he sees Kurt is awake.

'Sorry. Go back to sleep.'

'No'm awake,' yawns Kurt, rubbing his eyes and stretching out. A glance at his clock reveals its 9:30am and he would usually be awake by now anyway. He sits up and looks over at Sebastian, who is watching him sleepily. The swelling around his eye has gone down a little, he is looking a bit less tender. Kurt is also struck by the fact that he is letting Sebastian see him first thing in the morning – his hair isn't done, he's not wearing any of his stylish clothes. Hardly anyone has seen him so undressed. Sebastian is just giving him a lazy smile.

'What are you doing today?' he asks, running a hand through his messy hair.

'Nothing yet.'

Sebastian leans over the side of the bed and picks up a DVD that is sitting next to his discarded jeans. Kurt recognises it as one from Andrew's collection, _X-Men: First Class_. Sebastian tosses it at Kurt.

'I want to watch this.'

Kurt just nods, flipping over he DVD case to read the back. This might the first time Sebastian has suggested they do something together, rather than just following Kurt's lead. Kurt yawns again.

'Breakfast first?'

They end up going to the same diner for breakfast. It's becoming obvious that Sebastian isn't as unaffected by the previous day as he is trying to pretend. He is… nervous is the wrong word, but edgy. His eyes darting around the room incessantly and standing much closer to Kurt than he usually does. Kurt doesn't bring it up – he doesn't want to embarrass Sebastian– but he does take a mental note of every jumpy movement. He certainly hasn't forgotten about their conversation in the dark last night, either. He's just trying to think about the best course of action and is happy to let Sebastian stick close to him in the meantime.

By the time they're finished eating, walked home and both showered, Andrew is back. He drops his suitcase on his bed and gives Kurt a giant hug. Kurt smiles, enjoying the way Andrew seems completely transformed from the stressed-out guy who left a week ago. Going home has a very cathartic effect on him.

Andrew also gives Sebastian a half hug, which Sebastian returns reluctantly, raising his eyebrows at Kurt over Andrew's shoulder. Kurt just smirks at him.

'What happened to your face?' says Andrew bluntly; pulling back and leaning up to take a closer look at Sebastian's colourful bruises.

'A misunderstanding.'

'Seb and I were going to watch this X-Men movie,' says Kurt innocently. 'Want to join us?'

'Cool, yes! I love that movie.'

Andrew flops down on his bed and Sebastian just shoots Kurt an unimpressed look. Andrew is too cheerful for him, Seb finds it disconcerting.

When they eventually start the movie, Sebastian stretches out on Kurt's bed, making sure he's in the middle, spread out. The laptop sits on the desk, with Andrew over on his own bed. Kurt sits down next to Sebastian, shoving him over. The movie starts and it's better than Kurt expected. The last X-Men film he'd watched at been terrible, but this is quite funny at times. Plus, the two leads are gorgeous. He isn't the only one who noticed this.

'God, look at Michael Fassbender's fingers,' says Sebastian lowly, the words almost coming out as a moan. 'He is so fucking hot.'

Kurt awkwardly glances over at Andrew, who, he isn't surprised to see, is staring at Sebastian as he talks. Kurt is having a hard time not staring himself. The way his friend is laying so that his t-shirt is riding up, revealing the start of white, taut skin and a jutting hipbone. Seb has his hand splayed out over his stomach, the tip of his little finger hidden beneath the waistband of his jeans. He hasn't noticed the looks of the other two boys in the room, too busy eye-fucking Erik on the screen.

'-and his ass, damn, it's amazing. I bet he'd be amazing in bed, just hold you down and take you.' Seb's hand shifts on his stomach, his t-shirt being pushed up higher.

Kurt swallows and stares at the laptop. _It's natural to look,_ he keeps telling himself, _I'm a teenage boy. There is nothing weird about this. It's fine._

That's what he keeps telling himself the remainder of the movie. Even though every breathy laugh Sebastian lets out is quite distracting. Kurt tries hard to focus on the movie and its highly probable plot. When it's finally done, and they all stand up, Sebastian reaches down to pick up his jumper.

'I should get going. Good to see you, Andrew,' he says, with a reasonable attempt at sincerity. He turns to Kurt and gives him another unexpected hug.

'Thanks Kurt,' he murmurs into Kurt's ear. 'Really, thank you.'

Then he shoots them both a last smile and leaves. Andrew and Kurt share an amused look before they both set about cleaning up the room. Andrew chats away about Minnesota while Kurt sorts through his washing. The buzzing of his phone interrupts his internal debate about the best time to do his laundry.

'Hey,' he says cheerfully, walking out into the corridor to spare himself Andrew's teasing.

'Hey,' replies Blaine and Kurt can instantly hear the slight edge to his voice.

'What's up?' asks Kurt carefully.

'You didn't call me back last night, or this morning. I was getting worried. Everything okay?'

'Oh!' blushes Kurt, cursing his absent-mindedness. 'I'm sorry. I got back and everything was just crazy.' Blaine doesn't reply for a few seconds.

'That's okay. Anything serious?'

'No, no. Just some silly stuff with my friends.'

'Okay. I just wanted to say that we should book a hotel for when I come visit. I thought it would be romantic.'

'That sounds great,' smiles Kurt, but Blaine still doesn't sound totally happy. Kurt bites on the end of his thumb while he waits for Blaine to speak.

'I'll make a booking and email it to you, then. So, is Sebastian there?'

Kurt suspected this was the problem.

'No, he's not. Why do you ask?'

'Just wondering. I should probably get going, but I'll talk to you soon.'

'Okay. I love you,' says Kurt hesitantly, making it sound like a question.

'Love you too, Kurt.'

Blaine ends the call and Kurt shakes his head in annoyance. That was not a good conversation. He'll have to call back later and clear things up. In the mean time, he needs to do some schoolwork. Between Blaine, Sebastian and sleep, he's been falling behind.


	8. Chapter 8

It turns out that Kurt is much farther behind it his schoolwork than he had realised. Over the next two weeks, he spends every second trying to get on top of his readings, rehearsals and essays. It is made harder by the fact that Blaine is calling a lot more than usual and getting irritable if Kurt misses his calls. It means that Kurt is constantly checking his phone and refuses to be the first one to end a conversation between them. They act as though everything is fine, but it is upsetting Kurt, the way he and Blaine are pushing hard to try and connect over things that have always been easy.

On top of that, Sebastian wants to be with Kurt _all the time_. He covers the neediness well, but he is constantly calling and turning up at Kurt's door, suggesting movies and drinks. That fact that Sebastian is still not working meant that he literally has nothing to do but hangout with Kurt. And Kurt wants to be there for Sebastian – honestly, he is clearly in an awful situation – but he can't fail school because Sebastian is having a hard time. He wants to keep both Blaine and Sebastian happy, but his own life needs to come first for once. He has a meeting with his academic advisor next week and Kurt is stressed about it; he has been practising excuses for his poor attendance. Except, every time he sits down to really think about it, Blaine will call or Sebastian will text. Not to mention Kurt's other friends who he has barely seen in the last month.

Kurt is exhausted. Whenever he stops for thirty seconds he falls asleep, only to wake up fitfully, sure he is missing something and is about to get in trouble. He can barely find the time to do his skincare, let alone workout. He forces himself to stay up late to catch-up on work, drinking Red Bull, only to be so drained the next day he can barely keep his eyes open.

Blaine's visit is getting closer and closer, but all the things that Kurt has been planning to organise keep getting pushed down his list of priorities. He had been planning to book them tickets to a couple of Broadway shows, but in the end he has to ask Blaine to do it. He is so busy trying to free up his weekend that he doesn't even get a chance to call Blaine after Regionals.

The final straw is when he gets back his mid-term theory essay and sees he's gotten a C. He'd worked so hard on that essay, he'd spent almost two days in the library. His professors remarks are utterly scathing – she makes it sound like Kurt has barely even tried. Kurt feels tears pricking the back of his eyes as he stares at the mark. He is so angry, with the teacher and with himself for not being good enough to get high marks. He lets out a frustrated huff and runs his hands through his hair. Blaine is coming tomorrow morning and Kurt just wants to burst into tears. This isn't the way he had seen the weekend going.

The buzzing of his phone makes Kurt's whole back tense. He picks it up and flips it open.

'Yes?' he snaps, trying to swallow his tears. He stares at the C on the paper again and feels his chest clench.

'Hey,' comes Sebastian's voice. 'There's this new pizza place that's just open down the road. We should check it out.'

'Sebastian,' says Kurt and he knows his voice is harsh. 'I don't have time, okay? Seriously, you need to just… back off. Don't you have any other friends? I have work to do. I can't just drop everything for you. Just leave me alone for five minutes.'

He closes the phone with a snap and buries his face in his hands. He still feels so angry, so frustrated. He opens up his email and begins typing out an message to his teacher. It's long and ranty and Kurt knows he's never going to send it. But it makes him feel better, being able to stare at the screen and see his frustration sitting there in prose. And, Kurt reminds himself, Blaine is coming tomorrow. Blaine will be in New York and it's going to be perfect. That's the mantra Kurt repeats as he gives up on work and goes to have a long shower. He needs to calm down. It's only a bad mark, he can make it up. He's going to make it up.

Sitting on his bed, post-shower, Kurt rubs his face tiredly. He wants to just flop backwards and drift off, but he needs to pack some things for the hotel he and Blaine will be staying in.

Oh, and damn it, he needs to talk to Sebastian. Kurt had completely forgotten when Seb had called before, but Kurt has been planning to talk to him about this weekend. He's been putting it off all week. It's been playing on his mind that Kurt isn't sure how Sebastian is going to act around Blaine; Kurt doesn't think he can cope if Seb falls back into flirting with Blaine. And if he does, there is no way Kurt is going to put up with it. The thought of the three of them hanging out together – and Kurt knows Blaine is going to want to see Sebastian – is anxiety inducing. Sebastian needs to behave, because he has been causing simmering tension between Kurt and Blaine for two weeks. With Sebastian's new eagerness to see Kurt, who knows how he'll react to Blaine. Kurt needs to talk to him about it.

Reluctantly, he calls Sebastian. The phone rings out. Blaine is coming in the morning, so Kurt tries again five minutes later. No answer. He tries four times and sends two messages without a response.

After the final call, Kurt huffs and slams his phone down on the bed. Damnit, Sebastian. He's obviously just having a little hissy fit over Kurt being rude to him. Kurt impulsively decides to go over to his place and make Sebastian talk to him; it's only a few blocks and he needs to get out of this room and away from that C on his paper. Grabbing a jacket and scarf, he walks quickly down the stairs and outside. The air is cold and Kurt takes a deep breath, still feeling tired and upset. He just wants to sort this out with Sebastian, get home, go to sleep and see Blaine.

Once he gets to Sebastian's place, he knocks on the door and waits. He knocks again when there is no answer. Sighing in annoyance, he tries to handle and the door opens. Kurt walks swiftly up the stairs, pausing when he treads on something on the top step. It's badly lit, but Kurt can see his foot landed on a syringe. He blinks down at it, frowning, and then cautiously makes his way into Sebastian's apartment. Kurt rubs his cold hands as he calls out.

'Sebastian?'

'Kurt?' comes a soft answer and Kurt turns around to see that Sebastian is leaning against the edge of couch, legs splayed out in front of him, staring at Kurt vaguely. The bruises on his face have mostly faded, only the outer parts are left and they've turned a sickly yellow.

'Seb? Damn it, are you wasted?' says Kurt, shaking his head and walking over to sit down next to his friend. Kurt feels a twinge of guilt as he takes in the mostly empty bottle of cheap bourbon sitting between Sebastian's legs. He knows he's not to blame if Sebastian chooses to drink too much, but at the same time he did blow him off earlier that evening. It is easy to forget how unstable Sebastian is under all his bravado.

'Little bit,' slurs Sebastian and he is completely off his face. Kurt has never seen him this out of it. Sebastian looks like he can barely keep his eyes over and Kurt prods him softly.

'Hey. Are you okay?'

Sebastian shakes his head a little, then groans, looking sick. He curls up against Kurt's side and Kurt can see from the look on his face that he's utterly miserable.

'What do you keep doing this?' sighs Kurt, running a hand through Sebastian hair. 'You're killing yourself.'

'N'other choice,' mumbles Sebastian, letting out a shaky breath.

'You have a choice,' insists Kurt tiredly and he cups Sebastian's jaw, tilting his face to look at him. 'Your parents can't be so bad that they'd want you here. I'll call them if you don't want to. Please, Seb, I can't do this anymore.'

'My parents are great. Perfect,' says Sebastian, pulling his face away from Kurt's grip. He draws his knees up and presses his forehead against them. Watching him, Kurt thinks he looks broken open. All the fight and snark is gone.

'If your parents are great, when why all this?' asks Kurt, frowning. He slings an arm around Sebastian's shoulders, pulling him close again. The dingy apartment is badly lit and heavily quiet around them. When Seb starts talking, each word sounds like an effort. He's struggling to form a coherent sentence and his tone is flat.

'My parents,' starts Sebastian, taking a deep breath, 'are really fucking _good_ people, you know? Like… head of the community kinda shit. Dad's all into values and morals n'stuff.'

'Okay,' prompts Kurt quietly, still holding onto Seb.

'After the thing with Blaine and his eye, my Dad said…,' and Sebastian is shuddering under Kurt's arm. He is forcing the words out, 'he said that he couldn't have raised a son who was so vicious and cruel. That they couldn't have a son with no empathy.'

'So they kicked you out?' ventures Kurt hesitantly.

'No, well… well, kind of. Only for the night. I think Dad wanted me to have to spend my allowance on a shit motel… get a fright and cm'back home. He was so fuckin' disappointed in me, he wanted to teach me a lesson. But I was _angry_...'

It seems like Sebastian is trying to justify himself, the words are flowing out of his mouth, his earlier reluctance gone. He's never had a chance to explain this to anyone before, it's been stuck in his head for months and he wants Kurt to understand.

'I was so fucking angry at all of the them, for talking to me like that and making me feel so… so worthless. I wanted to prove them wrong, I wanted to get back at my Dad. My dad who always does the right thing. I got on a bus to New York, I thought… I dunno, fuck, it sounds so stupid. I only had six months of school left, I thought I'd get through that here and get into college. And then walk up to him and tell him that I didn't need his fuckin' moral righteousness and sanctimonious _bullshit_. I just wanted to prove I didn't need him, y'know?'

Kurt is surprised by Sebastian's explanation, it wasn't what he was expecting. The hopelessness with which he's speaking is disconcerting.

'I still don't,' Kurt begins, biting his lip. He's so confused. 'I still don't understand why you don't just call them. I know it's embarrassing, but… but surely it's not worth all this.'

'You don't get it,' mumbles Sebastian. 'It's different now… can't leave.'

'Yes, you can,' insists Kurt, feeling like for the first time in a month he's actually close to really helping Sebastian. 'I know Carl is dangerous, I know you're scared, but you _can leave_.'

'Kurt,' snaps Sebastian and he looks sick, face pinched and hands limp by his sides. 'It's not that, it's… damn, I wish you weren't so fucking naïve.'

'What?' asks Kurt, stunned and a little hurt. 'What do you mean?'

Sebastian wearily raises his eyes to met Kurt's. He swallows once and speaks in a tired voice, as though he's been waiting for this moment for too long.

'I've got a habit.'

'A… what? I don't understand.'

'I've got a habit. Even if you called my parents, I'd just be back here again next week, doing anything for another hit. Get it?'

It's like an explosion of understanding inside Kurt's mind. _Oh_, he thinks, eyes wide, _oh my God_. And after the first moments of surprise, Kurt feels like an idiot. A total idiot for not seeing what he suspects has been completely obvious since the moment he ran into Sebastian at the drugs store. He's a junkie, he's a fucking junkie and Kurt hadn't realised. Why would he? The thought had never even occurred to him. He missed the signs because he doesn't know what the signs of a drug habit are. Had Sebastian had track marks on his arm that night in the club? Kurt can't remember, he can't get his head around this, he can't…. he just _can't_. He can't believe he missed this. He'd thought Sebastian's violent mood swings were due to drinking. Not _this_.

Sebastian watches with a resigned expression as all these thoughts crash through Kurt's brain.

'How long?' Kurt asks eventually, voice thick.

'A few months. I tried to stop after we started hanging out, I swear… but I can feel it. If I don't use for a day, I can feel it under my skin, I get strung out and it just… just has me. Nate always has a clean kit ready and I can't stop myself. I don't want this, fuck, I hate the stuff, but…. I need it.'

Kurt nods silently, his heart rate getting faster. He removes his arm from around Sebastian and takes a deep breath. He doesn't know what to say. Sebastian continues to speak, voice flat.

'I'm not as bad as Nate, he's doing like three caps a day. But I can't stop… I can't get away. I can't tell my parents that I'm a fucking addict, I'd rather be dead than see the way they'd look at me. I completely fucked up, I deserve this.'

'You don't,' mumbles Kurt and as upset as he is, he tries to sound reassuring. 'You can beat this, Seb. You will. I'll help.'

'Kurt, you need… you need to get your head out of the clouds, okay? Carl is not going to let me leave. Ever. He owns this place, he owns the gear, he owns _me_.'

'No, Seb, that's-'

'You know why I don't screw around anymore? It's because I'm his to fuck. He doesn't like to share and I'm his property. And I willingly fuck him for a fix.'

Kurt feels sick. Seb looks empty. Even as Kurt stares at him, it feels different. He can't help going over every conversation they've had in the last month and wondering if Sebastian was drug-fucked at the time. Every moment when they smiled and joked.

A voice in his head is repeating the same sentence over and over. _He's an addict, you can't believe a word he says_. For the first time since he arrived, Kurt examines Sebastian's face closely. His skin is white and his cheekbones are more pronounced than they should be. And his pupils are barely the size of pinpricks.

'Are you loaded right now?' whispers Kurt, dreading the answer. Sebastian just closes his eyes and turns his head away, giving Kurt the answer.

'I'm g-going to get you some water,' stutters Kurt, pulling himself up. His eyes flick around the room, looking for needles or anything else he could have missed in his stupidity. There is nothing.

'Kurt,' says Sebastian miserably, reaching out and trying to grab Kurt's ankle. 'Kurt, I'm sorry.'

'Yeah, okay,' mumbles Kurt and he walks off to the kitchen slowly, brain buzzing. He goes over to the sink and fills a glass with water. He ends up standing with the glass in his hand, eyes unfocussed, just trying to get his exhausted brain to think clearly. He doesn't know what to do, he feels so out of his depth and _sad_. He is so sad to finally realise just how acutely Sebastian is hurting himself. This isn't a little problem, something to laugh off. This is a life-changing addiction, one so many people never recover from. All Kurt can see in his mind is Sebastian in the Lima Bean – smirking, confident and intimidatingly beautiful – and then think about the scared young man in the other room. A junkie. Trading sex with a drug dealer for his next shot. Kurt feels a sharp pain in his chest at the thought. He can't hold in the tears he has been suppressing all day, they slip silently down his cheeks as he stands in the tiny kitchen. He doesn't want this to be happening, he wants to go back to when he thought rescuing Sebastian would be an after-class hobby.

'Damn it,' he breathes through the tears, reaching up the brush the wetness away.

He steps back in the longue room, swallowing and walking over to give the glass of water to Sebastian. He sighs when he rounds the couch to find Sebastian with his eyes closed, head lolling against the arm of the couch.

'Seb,' sighs Kurt, leaning down the shake the passed out boy awake. He needs water.

Kurt simultaneously notices that Sebastian's skin under his hand is much cooler than it should be and that the previously third-full bottle of bourbon is empty in his hand.

'Seb,' he says again, feeling the first sparks of panic curl through him. 'Wake up. Wake up.'

He shakes him hard, but Sebastian doesn't move. The bottle rolls out of his hand, but his eyes remain closed. He is getting cooler under Kurt's hand and his lips are a little blue. Kurt drops the water and unthinkingly slaps Sebastian has hard as he can.

'Sebastian! _Wake up_. Please, wake up, oh my god...'

Seb remains limp on the ground and Kurt's heart is pounding. He can't let this happen, he needs to do something. He needs _help_. Barely even thinking about it, he pulls out his phone and presses the first number on the speed dial, still staring at Sebastian's still face.

'Kurt?' comes a sleepy voice after three rings.

'Dad, christ, I need help,' says Kurt frantically.

'Are you okay?' replies Burt instantly, sounding completely awake.

'Yes, yes, I'm fine. My friend, Dad, I can't wake him up. I shook him and hit him, he's _cold_. Oh God, Dad, I don't know what to do.' Kurt knows he's rambling, but he can't stop. He presses his hand to Sebastian neck and is horrified to find he can barely feel Sebastian's heartbeat.

'Has he been drinking?' asks Burt, now calm and clear.

'Yes. At least a bottle of spirits. Maybe more.'

'And has he hit his head or anything like that?'

'N-no. No, I don't think so.'

'Okay, Kurt, take a deep breath. You need to call an ambulance right now. It sounds like your friend has alcohol poisoning.'

'No, I can't call an ambulance, he'd be so angry at me. He-'

'Kurt!' interrupts his dad and Kurt falls silent automatically. 'Listen to me, you need call an ambulance _now_. Your friend might die. That's all that matters. Now, hang up and call 911. Call me back when it arrives. Okay?'

'Okay,' mumbles Kurt, nodding and feeling like an idiot for not having down that three minutes ago. He shuts off the call and dials 911, moving to pull Sebastian against him. He doesn't even realise he is sobbing until the emergency operator asks him to repeat himself.

'My friend, he's…he's unconscious and I can't wake him up. Please, I need help. He's not breathing right.'

Kurt manages to get out the address before taking a few shaky breaths, his grip on Sebastian's shoulder crushing and desperate. He drops his mouth into the other boys hair, closes his eyes and chants frantically.

'Please, please, please no. Not like this, please Seb, oh God, oh God. Don't do this to me.'

He holds the motionless form of his friend until finally Kurt sees flashing lights and hears the wail of sirens.

:o:o:o:

**I was seriously nervous posting this chapter. Would definitely appreciate some feedback!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Seriously, guys, thanks so much for your encouraging reviews on the last chapter. They made me feel so much better about the whole story in general and it's really appreciated. Sorry this is such a short chapter – I had to break a longer one into two parts because I've been too busy to finish it.**

When Kurt hears the sirens, he lets go of Sebastian and runs down the stairs to open the door. He stumbles a little on the last step, his breath coming in short, scared puffs. He pulls the door open and is greeted by a tall, grey-haired paramedic.

'Was it you who called 911?' says the man calmly.

'Yes,' rushes Kurt, already turning to climb back up the stairs. 'M-my friend, please hurry.'

The paramedic follows him without hesitation, a smaller woman close behind with a folded stretcher. As soon as they enter the room, they overtake Kurt and hurry over to where Sebastian's body is still against the couch. Kurt hangs back, staring as they lay Sebastian down flat and feel for a pulse. Kurt wants to close his eyes to brush away his tears, but he can't look away. He's can keep his eyes away from Seb's pale, motionless face. The woman is opening the stretcher while the man turns to Kurt.

'Did he drink all his?' he says, gesturing to the empty bottle.

'Yes,' nods Kurt, swallowing hard.

'Has he taken anything else we should know about?'

_No_, Kurt wants to yell. The answer to that question should always be no.

'Heroin, I think,' mumbles Kurt, feeling uncomfortable even saying the word. The man just shakes his head and turns back to his colleague, helping her lift Sebastian onto the gurney.

He says something to her quietly, Kurt thinks it's 'they keep getting younger'. They efficiently lift the stretcher with Sebastian on it, moving past Kurt to the door. Kurt glances around the empty apartment, finally brushing away the tears that are heavy on his eyelashes. He doesn't know if he should lock the door. He doesn't have a key. In the end, he just turns off the light and hurries down to the ambulance. The night air is freezing. They've already loaded Sebastian in and are waiting for Kurt. Kurt climbs in unsteadily, noticing how utterly white Sebastian looks under the bright lights. He's never been inside an ambulance before. The man closes the door behind him and they take off in a rush of sirens.

'Is he going to be okay?' asks Kurt quietly, watching as the paramedic clips a heart rate monitor on his finger. Kurt doesn't know anything about medicine, but he thinks the peaks on the screen are too far apart. The man doesn't reply until he's covered Sebastian in a blanket. When his gaze meets Kurt's, he looks weary and apologetic.

'We'll do everything we can. I need to wake him up. It's not going to be pretty, I'm sorry. What's his name?'

'Sebastian,' whispers Kurt, watching with wide eyes as the paramedic draws a clear liquid into a syringe and uncovers on of Sebastian's arms. For the first time, Kurt sees a line of puncture marks at the crook of his elbow. He barely feels a twinge at sight, he's not sure he's feeling anything anymore.

'Try and keep him calm,' says the medic, wrapping a strap around Sebastian's bicep and tightening it. After a few seconds he smoothly inserts the needle into one of Sebastian's veins and depresses it.

They sit in tight silence for 5 seconds, then 10, then…

Sebastian jerks up, body twisting, a scared moan breaking out of his mouth. His heart rate rockets up. Kurt is instantly relieved to see some expression on his face, his eyes open. He is looking around the ambulance dazedly, breathing suddenly heavy and panicked. Kurt reaches out a takes Sebastian hand, squeezing it hard.

'Hey, Seb. Oh, God, hey. It's Kurt. You're okay. You're okay.'

The paramedic has taken a grip of Sebastian jaw and is gently, but insistently pouring a different liquid into Sebastian's mouth. Seb swallows it instinctively to avoid choking. Kurt is watching the whole thing is a strange detached repulsion, fingers digging into Sebastian's hand.

Within seconds of swallowing the medicine, Sebastian is jerking up, vomiting into the bag the paramedic had ready. Kurt looks away. He stares at the floor at Seb retches for what feels like minutes. Eventually, he slumps back down and Kurt turns to see him staring at the ceiling. He obviously has no idea where he is. He looks confused and scared; Kurt stands a little and leans over him, trying to get in his line of sight.

'Seb, hi. You're going to be fine. Just relax.'

He doesn't think Sebastian can understand him, his eyes are just darting around the small space. Kurt turns to the paramedic helplessly, looking for some reassurance.

'He'll be okay,' nods the paramedic, who is throwing away the used needle and empty containers. 'Throwing up is a good sign. There was a chance he could have fallen into a coma. We'll pump his stomach at the hospital.'

Kurt isn't exactly sure why he needed to hear that, he's had enough of a scare tonight without thinking about Seb in a coma. He sits back down, anxiously watching Sebastian's face. The ambulance stops a few moments later and the female medic swings open the doors. Kurt doesn't know what hospital they're at or what part of town they're in, he just stays out of the way as they unloaded Sebastian and move into the ER.

He is still flooded with sharp relief that Seb is awake. He's breathing and his eyes are open. He's okay to be okay.

Trailing over the gurney into the hospital, Kurt is starting to feel a bit awkward. Just as Sebastian is about to disappear through another set of doors, Kurt hears him speaking. He's still slurring, but Kurt's heart clenches as he makes out the words.

'K-kurt? Where's Kurt?'

Then he's alone in the waiting area. He stands in the middle over the stark white room, both hands tangled in his hair. He doesn't know what to do.

'You with that kid?' asks a nurse, walking over.

'Yes,' says Kurt eagerly, hoping for some news.

'Take a seat,' she says briskly, handing him an admission form on a clipboard and then leaving. Kurt sinks down onto one of the basic seats, rests the clipboard on his knees and buries his face in his hands. His whole body is shaking. He's so exhausted and scared, he feels like his heart is worn out inside his chest. He sits there in silence, just breathing slowly for a few minutes until his phone rings in his pocket. It's his father.

'Has the ambulance come?' asks Burt.

None that Kurt has time to think, he feels bad for waking his dad up late at night in a panic. He must have been sitting by the phone for the last twenty minutes, worrying about Kurt.

'Yeah, we're at the hospital. It think he's going to be okay. I'm sorry for scaring you, Dad.'

'Don't apologise, Kurt, I want you to call when things like this happen. What are the doctors saying?'

'Nothing yet. We only just got here.'

'Okay kid, I'll let you get back to your friend. I'm glad you're okay. Call me tomorrow.'

After they say goodbye, Kurt is struck by indescribable, immeasurable love for his father. It makes his lips crease upwards in a small smile.

Tiredly, Kurt looks down at the admissions form. He runs his eyes over the various boxes with growing unease. He doesn't know any of this stuff.

He doesn't know Sebastian middle name, insurance or allergies. He doesn't even know his birthday.

After doing his best with form, Kurt goes over to hand it to the nurse. She raises an eyebrow at him, but doesn't comment. Kurt then retreats back to the hard plastic seat and waits. He waits, even as he eyes are drooping and his shoulders are heavy with tiredness. After half an hour, he gives into the exhaustion and stretches out along the row of seats, bundling his jacket under his head and closing his eyes. He can't sleep, but just lying still is such a relief. He doesn't know how long it's been when a different nurse comes over and tells him he can go and see Sebastian. Kurt gets up rather ungracefully and follows her directions into the ER, moving along past cubicles until he reaches number 8. He opens the curtain and there is Sebastian.

A small part of Kurt has been hoping Sebastian will be asleep. He wants to show some of his relief without being self-conscious. However, Sebastian is sitting up in the bed, looking glum.

He looks up and their eyes met. There is an IV in his arm, but otherwise Sebastian is still wearing his clothes and his hair is messily falling over his eyes. He is still white, now with dark circles under his red eyes. Kurt wonders of he's been crying. Sebastian looks drawn and sick, but he musters a smile for Kurt.

'Aren't you looking deliciously ruffled.'

Hs voice is raw and weak, Kurt guesses from whatever they put down his throat to pump his stomach.

Kurt can't find the energy to roll his eyes; instead he just flops down in the chair next to Sebastian's bed, eyelids drooping closed. Sebastian is awake and talking, now Kurt just wants to go to sleep. He feels Sebastian's hand rest on his shoulder. He doesn't even realise he'd drifted off until he's being shaken awake.

'Kurt, hey. Wake up.'

Kurt reluctantly opens his eyes, focussing on Sebastian's face.

'Wh't?' he says sleepily, yawning. And ouch, his neck hurts from sleeping in the chair.

'I need you to help me get out of here.'

'What?' says Kurt again, much more awake. He shifts stiffly, turning to look at Sebastian, rubbing his eyes. 'Are you kidding?'

'You owe me,' says Sebastian calmly. He seems to be much more together than when Kurt had gone to sleep. Kurt isn't sure how much time has passed. 'You called an ambulance and I had to give them my fathers insurance details.'

'You nearly died,' snaps Kurt disbelievingly. 'And I owe you? What was a meant to do, sit there and watch you stop breathing?'

'M'sorry about that,' says Sebastian, looking unhappy. 'I wish you hadn't been there. But still, I need to get out of here.'

'No,' insists Kurt. 'You need to be admitted. I'm pretty sure you need to stay here for a few days.'

'Nah,' replies Sebastian, already pulling the blankets off himself. 'I've had a few hours of fluids and glucose. I'll be fine.'

Previously, Kurt would have been floored by Seb's irrational, dangerous behaviour. Now he isn't even surprised. _He's a junkie. Of course he wants to get out. He's chasing. He'll say anything for your help. He'll use you, he'll lie to you._

'Please stay,' says Kurt quietly, although he knows it's pointless.

'You going to help me, or not?' asks Seb, ignoring Kurt's plea.

Kurt just shakes his head and stands up, because Sebastian is going to leave either way and Kurt wants to stay with him. As Sebastian pulls out the IV with a hiss of pain, Kurt offers the other boy his jacket.

'What do you want me to do?'

'Wow,' starts Sebastian, lowering his legs off the bed carefully and pausing. 'I think I'm still a bit drunk. I need you to tell me where the exit is and then distract the nurse.'

'How am I meant to do that?'

'Just be adorable,' says Seb with a teasing smile. Kurt rolls his eyes, but tells Sebastian how to get out and then goes to ask the woman outside about how to get into a career in nursing. When he walks out into the brisk New York air ten minutes later, Sebastian is leaning against a tree across the road. It's morning, but the sun hasn't warmed the air yet and Kurt has to cross his arms over his jacketless chest as he walks over. Sebastian gives him a genuinely thankful smile that Kurt can't bring himself to return.

'Thanks for that.'

'It's fine. Where are you going now?'

'Home. Sleep it off.'

_Sure_, thinks Kurt bitterly, _sleep off the alcohol poisoning and almost overdose. Sleep off the fear and panic and tears you'll deny. Sleep off what you just put me through. Just sleep it off, Seb. You heartless prick._

'I'll tag along. I need some sleep.'

They both shift, ready to start walking, when suddenly Sebastian turns to Kurt with a frown.

'Blaine,' he says abruptly.

'Blaine?' says Kurt blankly, staring at Seb. He's momentarily concerned that Sebastian is having some sort of psychotic break and doesn't know who he is.

'_Blaine_,' insists Sebastian, eyes locked with Kurt's. 'When does his flight get in?'

Oh. _Blaine_. It's Saturday morning. It's Saturday and Blaine is flying to New York today.

'Shit, shit, shit,' breathes Kurt, fumbling for his phone. He doesn't know what time it is…

7:38AM.

Blaine's flight gets in at 8:15AM.

'Oh _fuck_,' swears Kurt, mind flooded with panic. He's not going to get there in time. Sebastian is already moving to the road, hailing down a cab. Kurt hurries after him, thankful that Seb actually manages to get him one within seconds. Sebastian opens the door for Kurt and pauses for a moment before he gets in.

'Seb, just… just look after yourself, okay? I'll see you soon.'

Kurt wants to say so many other things, but he doesn't have the time. He has no time at all, so he just gives Sebastian a reassuring – slightly desperate – smile and gets into the cab. As they drive away, he glances around to see Sebastian watching from the pavement, hands hidden deep in the pockets of Kurt's jacket.


	10. Chapter 10

**So many encouraging reviews last character! Thanks so much. I love hearing what people think is going to/should happen, it's so interesting and usually has never even occurred to me. This chapter is a bit rushed, but I hope you enjoy. **

Kurt gets to the airport ten minutes after the arrival time of Blaine's flight. He's flustered as he dashes through the terminal, his mind a swirling mix of guilt for being late and desperation to see Blaine. If possible, the events of the night have increased Kurt's desire to see his boyfriend. He feels like he needs some support, someone to talk to. He needs to close his eyes and relax without worrying everything will fall apart in his absence.

He stops in front of the first screen he sees and Kurt sags when he reads that Blaine's flight has been delayed for twenty minutes. He's going to be on time. Kurt settles in an uncomfortable plastic chair – all too similar to the one at the hospital – and keeps his eyes on the gate. Blaine is one of the first ones off the plane. Their eyes meet instantly and Kurt moves over, wrapping Blaine in a tight hug. He presses his cheek into the rough wool of Blaine's jacket.

'Hey,' he says simply.

'Hi,' replies Blaine and he is worriedly running his eyes over Kurt's face and clothes. It's only under Blaine's scrutiny that Kurt realises he hasn't looked in a mirror since the night before. His hair is probably a mess, his clothes are certainly wrinkled from sleeping in them and Kurt guesses his face shows the strain of the previous evening. He self-consciously runs a hand through his hair, dropping his eyes to the ground. Blaine looks perfect in his smart coat, fitted jeans and green sweater.

'Are you okay?' asks Blaine, gently running a hand up Kurt's arm. 'You look, I mean, you look… tired.'

Kurt knows only Blaine's impeccable manners are keeping him from saying _terrible, stressed, exhausted_. Kurt smiles reassuringly and they walk towards the bag carousel. Something inside Kurt sags a little, just hearing Blaine's voice has taken the edge of his left-over anxiety. The hard weight of emotion in the pit of his stomach lightens.

'Yes. I had this completely terrible night, I'll tell you about it later.'

'Oh,' frowns Blaine, picking up his bag. Kurt guesses he's thinking that Kurt has never been the type to stay out all night and stumble to class the next morning. Kurt tries to distract him by pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

'Welcome to New York. We're happy to have you.'

'Glad to be here. Where are we going first?'

'Well,' begins Kurt, a fresh spring in his step as they head out, 'I was thinking we could drop past my dorm and you can meet Andrew. Then we can head to hotel and settle in, then walk to lunch. I made us reservations at this amazing Malaysian place.'

Blaine's face lights up and, just for the next few minutes, Kurt forgets about Sebastian. They leave the airport and its lightly spitting rain, but he can see the sun breaking through the clouds. He embraces that he can tease Blaine and be silly easily. Kurt throws himself into it fully; they get in a cab and hold hands in the back seat. It's cheesy, but Kurt _loves_ it. He saviours feeling eighteen and in love.

'You live here?' asks Blaine when they get out of the taxi. He is spinning around, eyes wide as he takes in all the tall buildings surrounding him. He almost runs into a family, eyes fixed up too high to see them coming. Kurt watches him with a softly amused smile. He was similarly awed when he first moved to New York. Kurt holds open the door for Blaine as they go inside. As they climb the stairs, Blaine starts to tell Kurt about his brother's fiancée. Cooper is a nice guy, but he has the worst taste in women of anyone Kurt has ever met. He picks the most awful, silly girls.

'She's so clingy, Kurt, it's incredibly awkward. He's only known her six months and she's all wrong for him. I don't know how to bring it up with him. I don't want to-'

Kurt pushes open the door, a sympathetic smile on his face, and then freezes at the sight of Sebastian kneeling on the floor with Andrew's cock in his mouth.

'Holy shit,' yelps Kurt, instinctively moving to try and stop Blaine following him inside. Andrew leaps back with a shout, trying to cover himself. Sebastian just turns his head, lewdly wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

'Hi Blaine,' he says hoarsely, but his eyes are locked with Kurt. 'Admiring my technique?'

For a fraction of a second Kurt just stands in complete shock, one hand still on the door handle, staring at Sebastian. Then the whole situation explodes around him; Andrew starts with a long list of frantic apologies, Blaine is trying to get his attention with a confused 'Kurt? What the hell?' and oddly, the only thought in Kurt's head is that it must have really hurt Sebastian, deep-throating Andrew like that, after having a tube pushed down his esophagus in the hospital barely ten hours ago.

'Shut-up Andrew,' says Kurt shortly and he breaks eye contact with Seb, turning to Blaine.

'Can I talk to them for a second? Please? Just give me a minute.'

Blaine's eyes are narrowed, he's staring at Kurt intently. Kurt feels a little spike of anxiety inside him, because Blaine has a temper. Not a violent one, but with the right provocation he can explode with a passion that matches the energy he puts into a performance. In fact, Kurt has long been of the opinion that Blaine's genial and composed manner is a conscious effort to control his over-zealous emotions. Now, though, Kurt can see he's not going to be able to get out of this situation without a confrontation. Blaine's jaw is clenched.

'Just one minute, Blaine, please?'

Blaine gives all three of them a once over with his eyes, and then steps back into the corridor. Kurt closes the door quickly, then rounds on Sebastian.

'What the hell is this?' he says, glaring as Seb finally pulls himself up, his lips still red and slick. 'Why would you do that?'

'Kurt, seriously, I'm so sorry, he just turned up and-'

'Shut up, Andrew!' Kurt repeats, eyes only for Sebastian. Sebastian – who had been looking pleased with himself – seems taken aback by Kurt's anger.

'I was bringing your jacket back, I thought it would be funny,' he says, sounding a little unsure. 'I thought you'd just… laugh.'

'Why the fuck would I laugh at _that_?' replies Kurt loudly, waving a hand and feeling like he wants to throw all the curses he usually disapproves of in Sebastian's face. 'Why would you do that to me? What am I meant to say to Blaine? Christ, after last night, you come here and just… blow my room-mate in front of my boyfriend? What the hell is wrong with you?'

And now Sebastian looks uncomfortable, dropping his eyes to the floor. Kurt has never yelled at him before, he's never dared, because he didn't want to scare Sebastian off. At this moment he couldn't care less.

'I don't know,' says Sebastian, looking much more like the drained boy Kurt left outside the hospital. His eyebrows are set in a heavy line, his shoulders hunched. He flicks his eyes over to Andrew, who is looking humiliated and confused. 'I guess… I didn't think. I don't know.'

Kurt feels the anger settle into hard disappointment. He can't stay angry at Seb. Not after he'd been begging Sebastian so fervently to wake up the night before, begging him not to die and leave Kurt like this… Kurt sighs and waits until Sebastian meets his eyes again.

'Please, Seb,' he says quietly. 'Don't do this. Don't be like this with Blaine.'

The stare at each other and Kurt knows Sebastian can see the desperation on his face. He is sure, despite the fact they've never said it, that Sebastian cares about him. He doesn't want to hurt Kurt.

'Sorry,' Seb croaks, shrugging a little. 'Do you want me to explain to Blaine?'

'No,' says Kurt tiredly, pulling a hand through his already dishevelled hair. 'Just go, I'll sort it out.'

Sebastian nods slightly and moves to leave, but Kurt grabs his wrist and leans up to whispers very quietly into Sebastian's ear. He hates to have to say this, fumbles the words a little, but he has to.

'You're clean, right? Safe, I mean… you weren't using a condom.'

Kurt half expects Sebastian to pull away from him, to be offended or angry at the question. Instead, he just whispers back in a weak voice.

'Yes, I'm clean.'

And then he walks out the door, barely glancing at Blaine before disappearing down the stairs. Kurt looks through the open door to where Blaine is pacing, then back at Andrew who looks like he is about to cry.

'Seriously, Andrew?' he says flatly. 'I mean, really, with Sebastian?'

Andrew looks incredibly guilty, arms crossed over his chest.

'I know. I'm sorry. But he came in and was just… he actually asked to… y'know, go down on me and I'm only human. You've seen him.'

He shrugs and Kurt just shakes his head. He does understand, teenage boys are never going to turn down a blow job. It's just the timing is _so bad_.

'It's okay. Just… It's fine.'

With that, Kurt leaves Andrew to clean himself up and moves out into the corridor, closing the door behind him. He braces himself, because clearly Blaine hasn't calmed down in the last five minutes. If anything, he's worked himself up more and he rounds on Kurt, eyes flashing.

'So, you just have coffee with the guy, right? Just coffee and talking?'

'We're friends, Blaine, I told you that.' Kurt tries to keep his tone reassuring, but firm. He hasn't done anything wrong and he just needs to get Blaine to calm down.

'Friends, right. And he comes round here a lot, does he? What about Andrew, is he Sebastian's _friend_ too?'

'That's never happened before. He was just being… he was just trying to get some attention. You know what he's like.'

'No, but apparently you do,' replies Blaine hotly. 'How often down he come round here, Kurt? You have this easy, lonely guy in your room a lot? Does he stay over?'

Kurt should probably lie, but he doesn't want to get into the habit of doing that often.

'He has stayed over, but he sleeps on the floor. It's what friends do.'

'Why wouldn't you tell me about it? You made it sound like… sound like you barely saw him. Like you just see him occasionally. Can you see why I'm upset, Kurt? I don't know what to think.'

Nodding, Kurt steps forward, putting a hand on each of Blaine's shoulders. He stares into his boyfriend's face and tries to explain.

'I understand. But I didn't want you to get jealous. I didn't want you to worry. When I told you Sebastian was in a bad situation, I meant it. He's really… screwed up. I try and help him. But I need you to trust me here, that's all. He's my friend, Blaine.'

They look at each other and Blaine relaxes a little, reaching up to cover one of Kurt's hands with his own.

'Okay. I do trust you. It's just… when I saw that, God, it was like every nightmare I've had about you two. Him in your dorm, doing _that_… sorry. I do trust you.'

Kurt can't help but crack a smile, Blaine raises at eyebrow at him.

'Sorry,' smiles Kurt, shaking his head. 'Inappropriate, but… this is kinda of ironic, don't you think? You worried about me and Sebastian.'

Blaine smiles at that too, seeing the humour.

'Hilarious,' he says dryly.

They share one last smile, and even though things seem to be resolved, Kurt can still see something lingering in Blaine's eyes. He doesn't question it. He wants to get back to their perfect weekend, he doesn't want to spend more time fighting over Sebastian.

'Ready to meet Andrew with his pants on?' asks Kurt, squeezing Blaine's shoulder.

'Can't wait.'

They go back into the dorm room; Andrew has straightened out his bedding and is sitting awkwardly at the desk. Blaine makes a valiant attempt at acting like he didn't see his cock five minutes ago. They make some little small talk as Kurt goes to have a shower (to wash the tears off his skin, the sweat from panicking over Sebastian's cold fibgers, the feel of the hospital) and put on some clean clothes. When he's all set to go, Andrew and Blaine are talking music. Everything feels calmer again, almost as though the shower has washed away Sebastian's corrosive presence.

'Ready to go?' says Kurt, smiling. Blaine nods, the lines on his face now relaxed, the flush gone from his cheeks.

Walking down the stairs, Kurt sneaks a glance over at Blaine. He looks happy, a small smile playing around his mouth, but there is still a certain distracted look in his eyes. He's thinking hard about something. Kurt turns away and gets out his phone, opening the directions to get to the hotel.

Once they arrive, it's a little over whelming. While Kurt had seen the pictures online, they didn't quite capture the scale of the place. When a concierge instantly takes their bags, Kurt isn't sure how to react. He settles with smiling and letting himself be led to the reception desk. It's still nice that the attendant doesn't even blink about giving them the key for a double-room. Blaine waits behind him, a big grin on his face, almost bouncing on his toes as Kurt hands him the key.

'This place is so cool,' he says excitedly. 'Can't wait to test out the bed.'

Kurt gives Blaine's ass a subtle pat as they step into the elevator. It turns out the room is gorgeous. It doesn't have the best view – that's what you get for picking up the booking on a special – but it's large and everything is beautiful. The marble bathroom gleams under the bright lights and the bed is massive. Kurt pushes Blaine onto it as soon as they close the door, sliding on top of him to kiss him hard.

'This was a great idea,' he says between kisses. 'You can scream all you like.'

Grinning, Blaine rolls them over so he can sit on Kurt's thighs. Kurt looks up at him happily, taking in the stray curl that has broken free of gel.

'Damn, I hope that's a promise,' replies Blaine suggestively.

When they make it to lunch, nearly at hour later, the sun has come out and Blaine orders enough food for an entire family. He insists he wants to try a little bit of everything. Kurt humours him, trying out the strange food, but mostly enjoying watching Blaine's enthusiasm for the meal. He's trying to get the waiters attention for the bill when Blaine asks him a question.

'What do you think about asking Sebastian to walk around NYU with us tomorrow?'

Kurt is surprised, because he'd mentally given up on any sort of amiable meeting between the three of them. Blaine is watching his expression closely and Kurt thinks about it seriously for a few moments. Blaine is keen on attending NYU next year and they'd always been planning to check out the campus this weekend. As Kurt considers it, he realises it could work well, as walking around lacks the pressure of a sit down meal. If it doesn't work, they can just cut the visit short.

'Are you sure you want to hang out with him?' asks Kurt carefully.

'Yes. If he's your friend, I want to see him. And he was sort of my friend, too.'

'Okay. I'll text him.'

Kurt sends Seb a message and gets a quick reply, saying he'd like to see them. There is a very pathetic looking 'I promise I'll be good' attached to the end of the message. Kurt hopes it's sincere. He is tempted to respond with 'Please don't shoot up before you meet us', but then considers that if Sebastian is high he'll probably behave better.

Blaine and Kurt have an amazing night and Kurt is feeling relaxed and light when they reach Washington Square the next day. They only have to wait five minutes before Kurt spots Sebastian walking towards them. He is wearing a jacket and scarf that Kurt doesn't recognise, he's combed his hair over and if it wasn't for the almost faded bruises, he'd look normal – his normal, casually beautiful self. Seb gives them a little nod when he sees them, striding over.

'Hey,' he says, a very self-conscious smile on his face.

'Hi,' replies Kurt, almost amused watching Sebastian try and act normally. He feels like he's at the beginning of a performance and he isn't sure what character Seb is playing. The taller boy turns to Blaine.

'I made yesterday seriously awkward. Sorry. I hope you got to talk to Andrew, he's a cool guy.'

'Yeah, he seems fun,' replies Blaine, smiling pleasantly. 'New York has done wonders for your complexion, Sebastian.'

He's referring in the fact that the tan Sebastian had sported at the start of the year has given way to an obviously pale skin colour. Blaine's tone is teasing, but Kurt doesn't miss the sharp, calculating look in his eyes.

'All work and no play, I suppose,' replies Sebastian smoothly, glancing over at Kurt. 'Shall we get this tour started?'

As they walk, Blaine and Sebastian talk while Kurt stays mostly silent. Their banter is easy - it always has been, they seem to just click - and Kurt is happy to merely observe while they walk. Sebastian is asking questions about the Warblers, Blaine's classes and Ohio in general. Kurt is almost sure that Sebastian couldn't care less about most of these things, but Blaine seems engaged by the inquiries. Whenever Blaine asks a question back, Sebastian deflects it effortlessly with a joke or vague response. Now that he's looking for it, Kurt can see the slightly glazed look in Sebastian's eyes. Part of Kurt wishes he could go back to not noticing.

'How's Susana?' asks Blaine as they're queuing up for coffee. Kurt doesn't know who that is, but he waits for Sebastian to change the subject.

'Got a graduate job with an NGO, she's in Tanzania,' replies Sebastian, his voice a little tighter than before. Kurt raises his eyebrows at the admission.

'Who's Susana?' he asks, eyes flicking between Blaine and Seb.

'My older sister,' says Sebastian. Kurt doesn't comment further and lets the conversation continue, but he stares at Sebastian thoughtfully. Sometimes he forgets that despite how close he feels to Sebastian, he actually knows very little about the other boy. Apparently, he knows less than Blaine. Not for the first time, he wonders how much Blaine and Sebastian really talked before the slushie incident. Blaine takes his hand as they pick up their coffees.

'This is going to be so great next year,' grins Blaine. 'Us being in New York. The three of us can hang out together.'

Kurt and Sebastian share a look. They both know that this cheerful show they're putting on for Blaine is nothing more than a charade, there is no way they'll be having three-way coffee dates next year. In fact, Kurt is sure that this situation with Sebastian is going to end - one way or another - long before Blaine gets to New York. Seb is too unstable, in too deep to wait out another eight months. He suspects Sebastian knows this too.

'Yes,' replies Kurt after a beat. 'We're going to take the city by storm.'

After the walk about for an hour or so, Kurt declares he needs a break and they flop down on some grass. It's cold, but dry, and Kurt moves so that his head is resting on Blaine's stomach. Sebastian stretches out, crossing his long legs in front of him, a couple of feet away.

'This is a really nice campus,' he says casually. 'I'm sure you'll have fun here, Blaine.'

'Thanks,' replies Blaine, one hand resting on Kurt's arm. 'I can't wait.'

'It'll be good for Kurt to have you around. He misses you. He needs someone here to look out for him.' Kurt hears the unspoken part of that sentence: _And I can't do that, all I do is hurt him and scare him. You need to be here to keep him away from me._

He turns his head sharply to stare at Sebastian, feeling a swell of distress inside him. Seb is staring at the grass, though, biting his lip. His good humour is fading, he's messed up his previously neat hair by running his hands through it. He can't meet Kurt's eyes.

'I should get going, I have some things to take care of.'

'Oh?' says Blaine, looking disappointed. Kurt can see the effort it takes for Sebastian to give Blaine one last, clear smile.

'Yeah, sorry. Really nice to see you again, though. Kurt, can I…' Sebastian tilts his head over to a tree, indicating he wants to talk to him alone. Kurt nods and squeezes Blaine's calf as he pulls himself up, following Sebastian far enough away so that Blaine can't overhear them.

'Are we cool about Friday night?' asks Sebastian bluntly, teeth still worrying his lip as he looks at Kurt.

'Not really?' replies Kurt quietly, because there is nothing 'cool' about what he went through that night. All the facts he has learnt but hasn't had time to process yet. Sebastian reaches down and wraps his fingers around Kurt's wrist – pushing up his jacket, thumb lightly stroking Kurt's pulse point.

'I'm really sorry, but you don't have to worry. I know it seems bad, but I have it under control. It's really not a big deal.'

Kurt stares at him incredulously, wondering if there is any way he can really believe that. Sebastian's earnest, still slightly glazed, eyes suggest he does.

'I think it is a big deal, Seb,' replies Kurt as calmly as he can.

'You worry too much,' teases Sebastian. 'You have a sexy man waiting for you on the grass over there, relax.'

And with that, he pulls Kurt into a tight hug. Kurt presses his nose to Sebastian's neck for a few moments until they pull away.

'I'll see you later.'

And then Sebastian walks away after offering Blaine a little wave. Kurt looks after him for a few seconds, perplexed, then goes back to sit with Blaine. He waits for his boyfriend to ask what Sebastian said, to comment on their afternoon together. He starts making a list of reasons why Sebastian is harmless in his head. When he looks at Blaine, however, the dark haired boy just gives him a thoughtful little smile. Kurt is convinced Blaine has an opinion about Sebastian, but they soon start talking about Ipad apps.


	11. Chapter 11

**The observant reader may have noticed that I've added 'Kurtbastian' into the summary… I can't deny the vibes anymore. Not to get into a long spiel about my intentions for this story, but while I always planned for there to be some attraction between them, it seems to be more pronounced than I had anticipated. Also, thanks so much to you lovely people for getting me over 50 reviews, was incredibly happy when that happened.**

**Also, I feel like I should add a warning for this chapter, but I can't think exactly what for. I guess if you've gotten this far, you shouldn't be too surprised by bad language and mature themes!**

By the time Kurt and Blaine get back to the hotel, the strain of the past few days has taken its toll on Kurt. When they settle on the couch and order _The Men Who Stare at Goats_ on the television, Kurt is asleep after ten minutes.

When he wakes up, it's getting dark outside and he is so comfortable, curled up under a blanket. As he stretches and rubs his eyes, he peeks up over the back of the couch to find Blaine sitting on the bed. His boyfriend has a look of concentration on his face, staring at his laptop. He hasn't shaved in a few days and there is a shadow of stubble on his face. The light from the laptop reflects off his hazel eyes and Kurt just takes him in with a sleepy smile. When Blaine notices Kurt is awake, the intense expression on his face instantly breaks into a big grin.

'You looks so cute right now,' he says, eyes crinkling in affection.

Kurt feels himself blushing a little, well aware of his messy hair and sleepy eyes. He stifles another yawn and rubs his face.

'Why did you let me sleep so long?' he asks, toes curling under the blanket.

'You looked like you needed it. We still have about two hours before I have to leave.'

'Sucks that you have to go,' says Kurt quietly, pouting a little. Blaine chuckles at his grumpy expression.

'I know. It's nearly Christmas, though, and we'll have two whole weeks.'

'I guess,' replies Kurt, sliding off the couch and padding over to join Blaine on the bed. He has some vague thoughts about lazy making out his mind as Blaine closes his laptop and puts in on the pillow next to him. Such thoughts disappear when Blaine meets his eyes. He looks concerned.

'What's wrong?' asks Kurt immediately, shifting a little closer.

'I think we need to have a talk about Sebastian.'

Kurt has been expecting this, but he still feels a little anxious. He is struggling to let go of the part of him that sees Sebastian's situation as _his_; his to deal with, his to worry about. It's hard to let Blaine in after holding onto the secrets so tightly.

'Okay,' he says, settling in front of Blaine, his legs crossed. He blinks a few times, pulling his mind fully out of sleep and into this conversation. 'Okay, let's talk about him. I know you're worried about the amount of time I spend with him, but I told you-'

'It's not that,' interrupts Blaine, raising a hand to silence Kurt. Blaine lets out a low sigh, eyes searching Kurt's face. Kurt is confused.

'Then what do you want to talk about?'

'Kurt, you know how you told me he was screwed up?' begins Blaine slowly. He is choosing his words carefully.

'Yes,' frowns Kurt, unsure where this is going.

Blaine pauses again, starting to say something and then swallowing. His voice is laced with pity when he finally speaks.

'You know… you realise he's on drugs, right?'

It is a sharp blow to Kurt's pride that Blaine has realised in three hours what Kurt missed for over a month. It makes Kurt feel even more foolish for not picking up on Sebastian's habit earlier. It must be so _clear_ if Blaine is asking him this. He shifts a little uncomfortably on the bed.

'Um, yes,' says Kurt, finding himself oddly embarrassed. 'Yes, I know.'

'Oh, good… Do you know how bad it is?'

'I'm not sure. We don't talk about it. He's embarrassed, I think. He keeps getting in these bad situations and needing my help.'

'He didn't look good, it was strange seeing him so… hesitant, I suppose. Everyone always says good things about his parents; I can't believe they'd just kick him out and leave him like this,' frowns Blaine, shaking his head. It's the same look he had on his face after they said goodbye to Sebastian this afternoon. He always wants to think the best of people.

'He, um,' mumbles Kurt, feeling strangely reluctant to admit this, as though it's not his story to tell. 'He left home because he had a fight with his Dad, about what happened with you and the slushie. He ran away. His parents didn't kick him out.'

Blaine's eyes widen a fraction at Kurt's confession, and then narrow as he frowns. There is a stiff silence between them and Kurt can feel Blaine watching him closely. Kurt self-consciously fiddles with the blanket. He is finding talking about this hard and Blaine seems to be on a different page to him, like they're not talking about the same thing.

'I don't…' begins Blaine, his voice a strange mix of compassion and confusion. 'I don't understand what you're doing, Kurt.'

'What do you mean?' frowns Kurt, snapping his eyes to meet Blaine's. He isn't sure how this is about him, about his actions. They're talking about Sebastian. Blaine looks tense.

'Why haven't you called his parents? Can you imagine how scared they must be, not knowing where he is… Why are you just letting him sink deeper into this addiction? I mean, surely you know how dangerous it is.'

'He needs a friend,' replies Kurt, a little defensive. Blaine doesn't understand what he's been dealing with for the last month. 'If I call his parents, he's going to be furious and he needs one person in his life that he can trust. You don't know what he's putting himself through, he needs me. I can't just betray him like that. I am helping him, I'm helping him more than anyone else has. He needs me.'

Blaine sighs and shakes his head; Kurt feels his indignation rise a notch. It's easy for Blaine to turn up and judge their situation, but he doesn't get it. Kurt only found out about the addiction on Friday night, he's barely had time to think since then. He's been doing the best he can considering Sebastian is defensive and unpredictable. Kurt has is own problems, his own life to worry about as well. After a few seconds of Blaine carefully considering his response, he starts talking, reaching out a hand to tightly grasp one of Kurt's. Kurt is tempted to pull away, but doesn't. Blaine's eyes are imploring him to pay attention.

'I want you to just listen to me. Listen and don't argue with me, just for a minute.' Blaine's voice is fraught, but he's obviously trying to force himself to stay calm. 'Listen carefully, because I don't think you're seeing this situation as clearly as you think you are. What you're saying is that you have a friend, a friend who has run away from home. He's got a drug problem that sounds serious. He has been beaten up recently. He's underage. When we met him today, he was barely recognisable. He was giving your room-mate a blowjob yesterday for no apparent reason. He's unstable, he depends on you too much. He could get arrested at any moment… I know you want to be a good friend to him, but surely, Kurt, the best thing you can do for him as a friend is to get him the hell away from here?'

And it makes sense. Kurt is reluctant to agree with Blaine, but his words are getting through the thick layers of justification inside Kurt's mind. He's still feeling a little indignant, but he can't ignore that Blaine has a point. When Kurt doesn't respond, Blaine keeps talking.

'And even if you don't do it for him, you need to do it for yourself. You've been so scattered the last few weeks. You're always on edge. I'm scared, Kurt, it crossed my mind today that you might be using too.'

'I'd never-' Kurt interrupts, eyes wide. Blaine continues over him.

'I know. I know rationally you're not, but can you see why I'm worried? You're hanging around with a junkie. I don't want… damn it, I don't want you do be the one that finds him. When he ODs and you come looking for him. You'll be the one who finds him dead. I can't let him do that to you, Kurt, you don't need that. This isn't fair to you.'

Blaine's eyes are getting a little bright, his voice rougher. Kurt automatically leans forward and wraps his arms around Blaine's neck, pulling him into a hug. He can smell Blaine's rich cologne, the heat of Blaine's skin. He presses their cheeks together, Blaine's words swirling around inside his head. Hearing someone else say it – and it's not like Blaine is saying anything Kurt doesn't know to be true – is making it hard for Kurt to remember why he's been letting Seb continue like this. And Blaine doesn't even know the worst parts; he doesn't know about the dealing at the club or Carl. He doesn't know what Seb does to pay for his addiction. He doesn't know about the threats and how close Sebastian came to putting himself into a coma on Friday night. Blaine only knows the easy bits and he's still right.

Kurt's questioning mind branches out, moving into areas that Kurt hasn't thought about in a long time. He's thinking about Sebastian Smythe – the boy from the Lima Bean who drives Kurt completely insane. With his smug smile, easy movements and a frustrating, condescending amusement that leaked into ever word he said. The Sebastian who seems to always be in control. The boy with the dazzlingly bright future. A leader. A provider. Someone who never says please, or thank you, or help me.

Kurt can't see that Sebastian now. He finds that thought unsettling. He wonders if that young man who Kurt used to hate so much is even there anymore.

He pulls himself back to the moment, back to Blaine. Back to the rough stubble against his cheek and Blaine's breathing.

'You seem to know a bit about this stuff,' says Kurt quietly, pulling away and looking at his boyfriend questioningly.

'Sort of,' shrugs Blaine, using his hands to keep Kurt close. 'Coop had a friend when he was in high-school and he had a problem. Everyone knew about it. It's a long story, but when things eventually went bad… we all felt so terrible. Cooper felt so _guilty_ for not doing something when he had the chance. Even I felt guilty, and I was his friend's little brother. It's just that everyone knew, but we didn't do anything until it was too late… it was easier not to do anything. It was easier to just not confront him. Nobody wanted to talk about it. I don't think Coop is ever going to really forgive himself. I really don't want that to happen to you, Kurt.'

Kurt nods a little, holding Blaine's hand tight in his own. This is one of the most serious conversations they've ever had and it's confronting. Blaine looks sad, worried. He is speaking easily enough, but Kurt can see that he is terrified that Kurt is going to end up hurt. Despite the way Blaine usually holds himself – confident, casual – he is still a seventeen-year-old boy, scared about how ugly the world can be.

And finally, Kurt feels like he can see an answer that has been eluding him for weeks. Sebastian needs help, the kind of help that Kurt is never going to be able to provide. His addiction is never going to get better unless he gets out of New York. He needs his parents, his family. Something needs to change before Sebastian completely looses himself. Kurt can hear Sebastian's wavering, desperate voice in his head. _I completely fucked up, I deserve this_.All the help Kurt has been providing him with is just plugging holes in the dam; covering up damage that is deeper than a few rough months. Kurt is smart enough to know that you don't just accidently pick up a smack addiction; you have to be down pretty low to ever get to that point. The situation is out of control and Kurt can admit that.

'I'll call his parents,' says Kurt, surprised by how firm his voice sounds. 'I'll let them know where he is.'

Blaine looks relieved and manages a small smile; he leans forward to press a sound kiss to Kurt's lips. The atmosphere in the hotel room is heavy and intimate.

'Thank you. _Thank you_, Kurt. I've been so worried about you, about both of you.'

Kurt tries to reassure him with another kiss. When they pull apart, Blaine reaches over to the bedside table and hands Kurt a sheet of hotel notepaper. On it is written _Theodore Smythe_ and a phone number. Kurt raises an eyebrow at Blaine, who smiles guiltily. He shrugs.

'What? I googled him while you were asleep.'

'Okay,' says Kurt, folding the piece of paper. 'Thanks.'

That's the last talking they do; Kurt slides down to rest between Blaine's thighs, their chests pressed together. He kisses Blaine gently, trying to communicate how much he appreciates Blaine's concern. How much it means to him that Blaine cares, cares enough to tell him when he's wrong. He tries to say _thank you_ with every kiss.

When Kurt opens the taxi door for Blaine over an hour later, his heart is filled with a combination of sadness and over-whelming affection. Knowing that it's almost Christmas and that he'll see Blaine soon is comforting. It's like a safety net, waiting to catch him if New York ever gets too much. There is also a knot of anticipation growing inside him as he waits for Blaine to leave. Now hat it's decided, now that he knows what he needs to do, he can't wait to call Sebastian's parents. When Blaine is gone - taxi lost in the traffic - Kurt stands on the curb, one hand tapping against his thigh. He needs to do something _right now_, even though it's eight o'clock on a Sunday night. He has the phone number in his pocket, he has his mobile on him…

Except he can't. He can't just dial the number and say, 'Hi Mr Smythe, my name is Kurt Hummel, have you seen your son recently? Because I have.'

Firstly, it's undoubtedly a work number and Sebastian's father is not going to be at work on the weekend. But more importantly, Sebastian would never forgive him for doing it behind his back. Despite everything Blaine has said, Kurt is still not willing to completely destroy his relationship with Sebastian, not if there is another way. He needs to warn Sebastian, hopefully even convince him to make the call himself. And Kurt is certain that he will be able to persuade Seb if he tries hard enough, if he pushes he can get Sebastian to call his family. He knows Sebastian doesn't want to be here; he doesn't want to be a junkie who can't keep his life together. More than anything, Seb seems sad. Defeated. Whenever he snaps at Kurt or does something stupid, his heart isn't in it. Kurt honestly believes Sebastian wants help and Kurt just needs to give him an opportunity to ask for it.

Filled with purpose, he quickly drops his bag back at his dorm (and tells Andrew to stop apologising, it's fine, it doesn't matter) and starts walking over to Sebastian's apartment. He is feeling oddly elated, optimistic. Somehow, admitting to Blaine just how bad Sebastian's addiction is has made it possible to see the solution. The solution being to get him out, get him back to Ohio and back to parents who, Kurt is sure, miss him intensely. It seems so _obvious_ now. Kurt loves the feeling of clarity after weeks of confusion and self-doubt.

When he finally reaches Seb's door, he knocks anxiously. Kurt really doesn't like the alley where Seb lives; it just reeks of dodgy and dangerous. When Sebastian doesn't open the door after ten seconds, Kurt feels a cold wave of fear sweep through him, replacing the elation.

_When he ODs_, Blaine had said. When, not if. Sebastian was obviously coming home to get high this afternoon. What if he took too much? What if he was distracted, desperate? It must be so easy to make a mistake, put the needle in wrong, not think it through… _When he ODs_, Blaine had said and Kurt can see Sebastian lying against the couch, skin cold and lips blue.

He opens the unlocked door without consciously deciding to, he's striding up the stairs and the only thought in his head is that he can't let that happen to Sebastian, he can't, no no _no_-

Kurt walks into the living room and sees Sebastian leaning against the window. He notices simultaneously that there is another man sitting on the couch and that when Sebastian looks over at Kurt, realises who he is, Sebastian is utterly _terrified_. It's the same expression that Kurt had seen on his face in drug store weeks ago, the same expression that had started this whole thing. And the man on the couch, who has turned towards Kurt, is the same man from that day. ?

It is amazing how much Kurt manages to take in during the two seconds of silence before anyone speaks. He notices not only Sebastian's scared face, but also the way his fingers are gripping the windowsill. He sees that the man on the couch still has the unpleasant aura of violence that Kurt remembers. His shoulders are tanned and tense, skin worn and marked. He sees that the man – _Carl_, it must be Carl, because Sebastian looks so scared – has a pile of banknotes sitting on the table in front of him, a couple of small balloons of silver foil and a _gun_. Oh fuck, is all Kurt can think, staring at the gun. _Oh fuck_. _I don't want to die._

'Who are you?' says Carl, sounding as though he doesn't really care, but is used to people answering his questions. His voice is unremarkable, but his posture and his eyes tell another story. His eyes are hard as steel. They sweep over Kurt and Kurt shudders. He needs to get out of here, right now.

'I, oh, I-' begins Kurt, eyes wide and unable to look away from Carl. Sebastian instantly interrupts him, pushing away from the window and moving towards the couch. Sebastian doesn't look at Kurt, doesn't even acknowledge him. His entire focus is on Carl.

'He's some stupid twink I met at Trough. He keeps coming round wanting me to screw him.'

Kurt barely registers the words. All he can focus on is the gun and the way Carl is looking at him like he's a problem.

'Really?' says Carl, glancing at Sebastian who is now standing close to him. 'You getting around again, Seb?'

'No way,' replies Sebastian, his voice low and playful. 'You know I'm all yours.'

Kurt thinks it sounds wrong, it makes him pull his eyes away from Carl to look at Sebastian. The fear has gone from his friend's face, his body is now relaxed and loose. He's looking at Carl with hooded eyes, a little smile playing around his lips. It's such a good act that Kurt feels a little sick watching it. It makes his skin crawl the way Sebastian is talking – he sounds docile and needy. His eyes never leave Carl's, it's like Kurt isn't even there.

Carl laughs lowly, Kurt forgotten for the moment as he rakes his eyes over Sebastian.

'I don't think one man is ever going to be enough for a slut like you. I keep saying, Seb, that you need cock more than you need the dope. Isn't that right?'

It's a command more than question. Sebastian lowers his head and ducks his eyes, flushing a little. It is not a mannerism of the Sebastian that Kurt knows and even though he should be fixated on this nauseating display, all he can think about is the gun on the table. And that he needs to get out of this apartment, away from the gun and its owner.

'Can you please fuck me?' whispers Seb, biting on his lip and sounding young. Really young and innocent and it's _so wrong_. 'Please, you promised. I fingered myself and everything, but it's not the same. I need you, _please_.'

Kurt's heart is racing inside his chest and he takes a step back when Carl's eyes leave Sebastian's face – his expression hungry – and land on Kurt.

'Kid, hang around, I want you to watch this.' His tone is amused and cruel, eyes mocking.

He reaches up to drag Seb into his lap. Even as Sebastian instinctually straddles him, there is a flash of panic on his face before it slips back into wanton compliance.

Kurt doesn't move, forward or back, he just stays frozen with his hands hanging loosely at his sides. He's sweating, panicking, wanting nothing more than to run away. Sebastian is still talking in that _ohgodsowrong_ voice, his words sweet and desperate.

'Please, Carl, make him go away. I want my fix when you're inside me. I want you to shoot me up while I ride your dick. I've been thinking about it all day, when you make me beg for it, when you make me scream… He'll just get in the way and I want you _now_. I want your come in me.'

Now Carl can't seem to tear his eyes (or his hands) away from Sebastian. His running his hands up Seb's thighs, pulling him in and Sebastian lets himself be dragged into a rough kiss. When they pull back, there is blood on Sebastian lips and he moans in such a dirty, immoral way that Kurt knows he'll never forget the sound.

'Fuck off, blue eyes,' says Carl loudly, not even bothering to turn around. Sebastian doesn't look up at Kurt, he just shifts encouragingly in Carl's lap.

And Kurt… God, Kurt wants to stop this. He wants to be able to pull Sebastian away, to punch Carl, to not be the sort of person who leaves their friend to offer up his body as a distraction. But Kurt is so _scared_. He still can't stop thinking about the gun on the table and so when Carl tells him to leave, he does. He doesn't even hesitate before turning and walking out the door, down the stairs. The last thing he hears before he breaks into the cold night air is Sebastian's breathy voice asking Carl for more. The second he's back in the alley – sweating, scared, absolutely _disgusted_ – he starts to run. It's dark and bitingly cold. He dodges around the people walking on the street. His boots thump on the pavement and he's almost back at his dorm when the nausea becomes too much. He pauses, panting, and vomits against the base of a tree. He can't stop thinking about Seb's face, about his voice and his words and…. _sodirtywrong_.

The absolutely worst part is that he's hard. He hates himself, but his cock is pressing against his jeans uncomfortably and he doesn't even know when that happened.

He straightens up and keeps going, not running but walking fast, brain a blur of panic and horror and just… just, god, he needs to get home. He tries to take a breath and think, but all his mind does is tell him to _get home_. This a big city full of bad people, he's not safe, what is he doing?

He skips every second step as he runs up the stairs. His fingers are shaking as he tries to fit his key into the lock and, _finally_, the door is open and he slams it shut behind him, locking it.

He's safe. He's safe, he's home. The door is locked and no-one can get in.

'Kurt? Are you okay?' comes Andrew's voice, but Kurt can't reply. He just sinks down against the closed door and breathes. In and out. Slowly and carefully.

'Kurt?' says Andrew again and he's on the floor next to Kurt, placing hand on his forearm. 'Shit, you're shaking. What happened? Are you hurt?'

'I'm fine,' says Kurt, his voice oddly thick. 'I'm not hurt.'

Andrew doesn't say anything else; he just sits next to Kurt, his face furrowed with unease. Kurt wants to smile at him reassuringly, but he can't. Now that he's safe – not shot, not killed – all he can think about is how incredibly _not safe_ Sebastian is at this moment. He's still in that apartment, with that man and the gun, doing… doing whatever it takes to make Kurt safe.

'What happened?' says Andrew very gently. Kurt wonders what his face must look like at this moment, if he's been crying or if he's just white.

'Sebastian,' breathes Kurt, and his guilt is suddenly over-whelming. It crushes him (and not just for this, for the sex and the distraction, but for everything, for not doing something before, for letting it ever get to this point). 'Oh, God.'

'What did he do?' asks Andrew with trepidation, his fingers tightening a little around Kurt's arm.

And with a no warning, Kurt suddenly shifts from horribly scared to uncontrollably angry. All the adrenaline filling him suddenly lights up like gasoline and he is so fucking _furious_. At everything that has made him feel like this – helpless, guilty and useless. He hates that feeling; it's the same way Karofsky made him feel at school, the same way he felt when his dad was in the hospital. He's been feeling this way for weeks and just when he finds some certainty, it's pulled away from him by some perverted drug-dealer. He doesn't like feeling scared. No one has the right to make him feel scared.

He pulls himself up and away from Andrew, pacing around and rubbing his face, heart rate rising again.

'He didn't do anything. But, you know, screw this. I'm not going to put up with this anymore.'

'O-okay?' says Andrew, thrown by the sudden change in Kurt's mood. 'What's going on?'

Kurt isn't really listening. He's thinking about what Blaine said and trying to find that conviction he'd felt after their conversation. He needs to do something; he can't be passive in this anymore. Especially not after tonight, he refuses to do nothing. If he can't get onto Sebastian's parents for help, he'll have to ask someone else.

'Where's the nearest police station?' he asks Andrew. Andrew blinks at him, completely left behind by Kurt's rambling train of thought.

'I don't know? We can look it up. Why do you need the police? What's wrong?'

Kurt goes over to his laptop and flips it open, talking to Andrew while opening Google.

'I'm going to go in and tell them about Seb, tell them about that bastard with him. I can get him arrested for drug possession, or statutory, or something…'

'Kurt? If Sebastian's over there, he'll get arrested too.'

'No, the drugs aren't his. I need… I need to do something, okay? I can't just sit here letting it happen.'

They look up the local police station and Kurt stares at the map on his screen. Andrew is glancing uncomfortably between the laptop and Kurt.

'I don't think this is a good idea.'

'I have to do something,' repeats Kurt, a little desperate. He doesn't want to go to the police – as much as he wants Carl to pay for what he's done to Seb, he knows that it won't be that simple. Sebastian will get in trouble too and he'll never speak to Kurt again. And God, that thought hurts. Kurt can't imagine not talking to Sebastian. But he can't do nothing.

'Let's just wait, okay? Wait an hour and if you still want to… I'll come with you. But I think you'll change your mind.'

Kurt lets his head drop into his hands, he grips his hair and wishes his feeling of helplessness would disappear. The silence between him and Andrew is filled with Sebastian's words – needy, dirty, obedient. His beautiful face, with way he moved, the way he just gave himself to Carl. It had all been too easy, too comfortable. Sebastian didn't even flinch.

'Fuck it,' groans Kurt into his hands. 'Okay. An hour.'

They sit. Andrew pretends to be writing a paper, but he glances at Kurt every other minute. Kurt just sits, face buried in his hands, wondering how he ever thought this situation was okay. Hating that it took Blaine to compel him into action. Wondering when he started caring this much. Trying not to be sick again. All these thoughts chasing each other around his head, also followed by Sebastian saying _make me scream_ in a way that should be wrong, shouldn't be stuck in Kurt's mind.

They've been sitting for 55 minutes when Andrew closes his computer. They can hear the traffic below and the lights of the city mean that it's not really dark outside. Kurt hates that he can't shake the last feelings of fear from his body.

'You still want to go?' asks Andrew, sounding like he's desperately hoping Kurt will say no.

'Yes. Let's go,' replies Kurt heavily, because he'll never forgive himself if he doesn't try to stop Carl hurting Seb.

They rug up in silence, Kurt wrapping a soft yellow scarf around his neck and doing up his coat. Andrew pulls on a pair of gloves and catches Kurt's eyes.

'Are you sure about this?'

'Yes,' nods Kurt, a leaden weight in his stomach. He's not sure, but he's going to do it anyway.

They close the door behind them and walk down the corridor. They're half-way down the stairs when Kurt looks up and sees Sebastian standing two steps below him.

'Hi,' says Sebastian, staring at Kurt. Kurt sweeps his eyes over Sebastian, registering his vacant eyes and the cluster bite marks that disappear below the collar of his t-shirt. Andrew glances between them and then turns silently, walking back up the stairs. Kurt stays still until he hears the door swing shut above them.

'I'm s-' begins Sebastian, voice flat.

'No,' interrupts Kurt, stepping down so they're on the same level. He doesn't know what he was expecting – maybe tears or some other sign of how _broken_ Sebastian is right now. Instead, Sebastian looks absent, as though isn't even completely present. Like he's saying sorry because that what he think Kurt expects. It's scary and strange and Kurt's fingers itch to shake some feeling back into Sebastian's expression.

'I can't do this anymore,' says Kurt briskly, for the first time realising just how true that statement is. He can't keep caring this much about Sebastian, not after what he saw today. This is it. 'I can't do this, I can't play my part in this nightmare you've built for yourself. I can't do it, it's too much.'

Finally, there is an emotion creeping across Sebastian's face. Panic is starting to light up his eyes.

'_Kurt_.'

'No, listen to me. I'm giving you a choice – we walk up these stairs to my room and call your parents. You get help, you get _out_ and I will be with you every step of the way. Or you walk down the stairs and I give up. That's it, we just… stop. Your choice.'

_Please don't walk away, Seb, please. Stay with me_. Kurt stares at him, trying to look firm, desperately hoping he isn't about to lose Sebastian forever. He means what he says, he can't do this anymore. He's protecting himself, but watching Sebastian walk away will tear him part.

Kurt stands silently as Sebastian's breathing gets harsher. He holds his own breath and it's like a truck hitting him when Sebastian reaches out icy fingers to take his hand. The relief floods every nerve in his body.

'I'll stay with you,' breathes Seb, swallowing hard. 'Please, help me.'


	12. Chapter 12

**Sorry this has taken so long – I had muse issues!**

When they reach Kurt's door, Seb still hasn't let go of his hand. His long fingers are freezing against Kurt's warm skin and Kurt realises Sebastian is only wearing a t-shirt. Kurt squeezes Sebastian's hand and reaches out to open the door, but Seb stops him with a little tug. Kurt turns to look at him expectantly.

Kurt is feeling a strange sense of calm as they stand in the dark corridor, all the raw apprehension inside him has been soothed by Sebastian's presence. Even though the situation is still as unmanageable as it was ten minutes ago, Kurt feels like he can handle it as long as Seb is holding his hand and not pulling away. Unfortunately, Sebastian is so loaded he can barely focus. He knows where he is and who Kurt is, but otherwise he still seems slightly detached from the situation. He is frowning in concentration as he speaks to Kurt.

'We shouldn't,' begins Sebastian, blinking a few times, 'um, call them tonight. It's late and… and I'm not really…'

'We'll call tomorrow,' agrees Kurt quietly, because Sebastian can't handle complete sentences and Kurt is too unsettled to help him.

Smiling reassuringly, Kurt opens the bedroom door and they move inside. Andrew is curled up in his bed, pretending to be asleep. Sebastian glances around the dark room.

'I'll just take the floor,' he whispers, looking at Kurt for confirmation. Kurt hesitates for half a second.

'No,' replies Kurt quietly, shaking his head. 'It's freezing. Sleep in with me.'

'Oh, okay? Thanks.'

They move carefully, not waiting to make much noise and Kurt is simply too exhausted to question whether it is really appropriate to let Sebastian sleep in his bed. Basically, the floor is cold and they're friends. It's only a little awkward as Sebastian stares at Kurt and Kurt self-consciously begins to pull off his shirt. Kurt has stripped off and pulled on his pyjamas before Sebastian starts shakily pulling off his own clothes. When he slides into bed next to Kurt, wearing only his boxers, there isn't enough room not to touch each other. Sebastian curls himself against Kurt's back, tucking one arm around Kurt's waist. Kurt briefly thinks that this should feel stranger than it does, but it is comforting to relax against Sebastian's lean chest. There is an instinctual pleasure in feeling another body so close, it's comforting and he feels some tension melt out of him. In the dark of the room, Kurt threads his fingers with Sebastian's and savours the knowledge that Sebastian is _safe_. Kurt can feel his heartbeat, his soft breathing, his warming skin. He rubs his thumb over the scar on the back of Sebastian's hand and lets Sebastian pull him a little closer.

'Night,' he mumbles, pressing his face into the pillow.

'Good night,' replies Sebastian softly, his breath tickling the back of Kurt's neck.

He closes his eyes and falls asleep quickly, mind a messed up jumble of disconcerted thoughts. The last thing he remembers thinking is worrying about what they'll do if Sebastian's parents refuse to help.

When he wakes up, he's still pressed against Sebastian. It's barely light outside and Seb's light stubble is scraping against his shoulder. Kurt closes his eyes and drifts back towards sleep, savouring the knowledge that he doesn't need to move for at least another hour. The real world can wait for a little while. With that in mind, Kurt snuggles a little closer into Sebastian's warm form and tries to get back to sleep. His drowsy state is ruined when Sebastian jerks against him suddenly, the muscles in his arms tensing around Kurt.

'Shit,' gasps Sebastian, twitching and Kurt twists his head around to see that Sebastian is awake, panic bright in his eyes.

'You okay?' asks Kurt sleepily, fumbling to squeeze one of Sebastian's hands.

'Yeah,' whispers Sebastian, the abrupt tension leaving his body and he slumps against Kurt's back. 'Sorry. Just a dream.'

They're both awake, though. As Kurt rolls over, he notices that Andrew's bed is empty. He must have snuck out during the night to give them some privacy. Now lying with facing Sebastian, Kurt slowly runs his eyes over the other boys face. He's never been his close to him before, never had the chance to catalogue his lips and the dark skin under his eyes. At least when Sebastian meets his gaze, his eyes are clear. He gives Kurt a little, lopsided smile.

'Morning,' he says quietly.

'Morning,' replies Kurt, trying desperately to keep this casual and not let it descend into awkwardness. They are lying in bed together, after all.

'How are you feeling?' questions Kurt, enjoying the way Sebastian can't avoid his eyes in this setting. His foot is pressed against Sebastian's calf.

'Fine,' replies Sebastian softly, still looking a little asleep. 'Nervous.'

There is an honesty to the words, an openness between them at is new. Kurt wants to take advantage of it.

'Seb, why haven't your parents called the police?' whispers Kurt, shifting a little closer. 'You left months ago.' It's a question he's pondered a number of times over the past few days. The refuel smile that appears on Sebastian's face lacks conviction.

'I'm not sure… I did worry about it when I first came here. I think it's probably pride. It's really important to my Dad – to my whole family, actually. I can't see my Dad walking into a police station and asking for help. He probably hired someone to try and find me instead.'

'They've done a terrible job,' comments Kurt and then yawns, moving a hand up to rub his eyes. When he opens them, Sebastian has an affectionate smile of his face.

'What do you want to do today?'

With that sentence, the sleepy contentment leaves Kurt's body. Sebastian notices Kurt tensing and frowns.

'What?'

'Seb,' sighs Kurt. 'I meant what I said last night. We're calling your parents.'

A dark expression passes over Sebastian's face and he rolls away from Kurt, out of the bed. Standing up, Kurt notices that the bite marks on his neck have darkened over night. They only reinforce Kurt's determination to make a stand.

'Please, Seb,' he says, sitting up. 'You said you would.'

'I know,' replies Sebastian shortly, scrubbing a hand through his messy hair. His face is now lined with tension, but he isn't avoiding Kurt's eyes. 'I know. Can I have a shower first? I feel… I just need to think for a few minutes.'

Kurt nods and indicates to where his towel is hanging on the back of the door. He tries to silence the part of his brain that is telling him to admire Sebastian mostly naked body. He stares down at his own hands instead.

'Take as long as you need. Will anyone even be home at the moment?'

The thought of waiting a whole day to make the call is agonising. Kurt is sure Sebastian will lose his nerve, maybe go back to Carl or just keep running somewhere else. And, while Kurt doesn't know the technical side of a heroin addiction, he knows that soon Sebastian will start the early stages of withdraw and won't be able to make the call. They need to do this soon.

'My Mom doesn't work Monday mornings,' says Sebastian, reaching down to pick up his clothes from the floor. 'She wanted to be able to take us to school.'

'Oh,' replies Kurt a little blankly, feeling an odd swirl of envy and affection inside him. 'That's nice.'

'Post-feminist guilt,' is all Sebastian says before walking out the door, clothes and towel in hand. With the room to himself, Kurt gets up and pulls on some comfortable clothes. He does his hair and makes the bed, then opens his laptop and stares at his Facebook homepage of five minutes. Rachel has posted some new pictures. He looks at them distractedly, mind wandering. He is nervous about this phone call, he has no idea what to expect. He can't imagine Sebastian's parents abandoning him, but the way Sebastian talks about them makes him anxious. Sebastian seems to scathing, so angry. That must come from somewhere. He must have left for a reason. He's stewing over these thoughts when the door opens and Sebastian returns, back wearing his t-shirt and jeans.

Kurt had hoped the shower would calm him down. That isn't the case. He is much more agitated than when he left, he can't stand still. Kurt watches him move around the room with worried eyes.

'I can't do this,' says Sebastian after a few seconds, twisting his hands in the hem of his t-shirt. 'I'm sorry, I know I promised, but I_ can't_.'

'Why?' replies Kurt, trying to keep his voice calm. Sebastian turns to face him, expression pained.

'Do you know what it's like to have people tell you, your whole life, that you can do whatever you want? That you're so smart, and so talented, and so _lucky_. You can do _anything_. That's what everyone has always said and now… now I have to ring up my parents and tell them that this life they gave me -this life they've worked for and worried about and given me on a damn silver platter – I've destroyed it. It's fucking over. I've taken their 'you can do anything' son and made him a smack addict. You don't think they'll blame themselves? And me? I have to pick up the phone and tell them that. This right now is that last few minutes of their lives not knowing what a disgusting screw-up their son is. I can't… I can't do this.'

It's such a heart-breakingly honest confession that Kurt feels his chest clench a little. However, despite how guilty Sebastian feels, Kurt isn't going to let him hide from this situation anymore. The time for wishing and what-ifs is over, Sebastian needs to face reality.

'You have to tell him. You don't have a choice. You can't keep going like this, or did you forget what I saw last night?'

Sebastian winces a little at the memory of what Kurt walked in on, but then he shakes his head.

'If I tell them, then it's real. They'll never, ever let me forget it. It'll change everything. I'm not ready for it to be real yet, Kurt, okay?'

He looks pleadingly at Kurt, eyebrows drawn together heavily. Kurt places his laptop down on the bed, stands up and moves to stand in front of Sebastian. He stops barely a foot away, eyes blazing with purpose.

'Seb, this _is_ real. You're deluding yourself if you think it's not already very, very real.' Kurt reaches down and picks up Sebastian's left hand. He raises it between them and runs his finger along the deep, pale pink scar on Sebastian's hand. 'This is _real_. What you're doing to yourself is real. It has been for months. You need to stand up and do something about it. You need to help yourself.'

Sebastian is staring down at his injured hand where it is clasped between Kurt's. He lets out a long breath and nods. Kurt can physically see him pulling himself together, pushing down the panic and fear. When he looks up, his eyes are determined. The Smythe family pride is showing.

'Okay. Let's do this.'

They sit down in front of Kurt's laptop without further delay, Sebastian sitting tensely at the desk and Kurt close behind him on the bed. Kurt opens Skype and then sits back, every nerve in his body tingling with anticipation. Sebastian typing in the phone number seems to take forever. The pause before he hits the 'call' button is even longer. Kurt wants to lean over and touch him, but he can see that Sebastian needs to do this by himself.

He starts the call. The first ring makes them both jump a little.

'It's okay,' whispers Kurt hurriedly. 'You've got this.'

The second ring makes Sebastian's shoulders tighten a little more.

Halfway through the third ring someone picks up.

'Smythe residence, this is Eleanor speaking,' comes a mature, controlled voice. Kurt watches Sebastian with wide eyes, half expecting him to hang-up.

'Hi Mom,' says Sebastian instead, voice startlingly calm. 'How's it going?'

There is a second of silence on the other end of the phone. Then Sebastian's mother speaks in a breathless, anxious voice.

'Bas? Oh my, _Bas_? Is that you?'

'Yes, Mom, it's me.'

He sounds completely controlled, almost uninterested in the conversation. Kurt is watching him in shock, but then notices the way his hands are white where they're gripping the edge of the desk.

'Are you okay? Your father got a call from a hospital in New York on Friday… you're in New York?'

'Yes, I've been here for a while.'

'Are you alright, honey?' The hospital said you had alcohol poisoning and… and… are you okay? Bas?'

'I'm fine,' replies Sebastian automatically. Kurt leans over and stares at him pointedly. The objective of this call is for Seb to be honest and ask for help, not blatantly lie to his mother. It's obviously just a reflective reassurance, because when Sebastian sees Kurt's look, he corrects himself. 'Alright, I'm not totally fine. But I'm not hurt.'

There is a moment of silence, Sebastian and Kurt share another look. They both know that a parent can read everything into an admission like that.

'Your father is sorry for what he said to you,' says Sebastian's mother, her voice pained. Sebastian winces, his jaw clenching sharply.

'Would he be sorry if I hadn't run away?' snaps Sebastian in reply. Kurt frowns, laying his hand on Sebastian's shoulder. It's taut with tension under his fingers.

'We just want you to be safe, Sebastian,' replies Eleanor instead of answering. She sounds so tired, thinks Kurt. 'Where are you living in New York?'

'With a friend.'

'Do need money? Are you in trouble?' asks Eleanor instantly and there is a slight edge to her voice. It's almost like resignation. Kurt can only just recognise it, but Sebastian twitches slightly when he hears it.

'No, I don't need money,' grits out Sebastian. 'It's nice to know that's the first thing you think of.'

'Seb,' says Kurt softly, squeezing Sebastian's shoulder. He didn't want to speak, but he can see that Seb is moments away from ending the call. Eleanor jumps in as soon as she hears him.

'Who is that? Are you with a man?'

And now the disappointment in her tone is clear. It makes Kurt look at Sebastian worriedly, but he seems to have gotten himself back under control.

'No, it's my friend Kurt. He's at college here, he went to Dalton.'

'Okay, good,' sighs Eleanor, now sounding close to tears. Kurt can hear the way she is hanging off Sebastian's every word, being pulled around by the scraps of information Seb is giving her. 'Bas, please, tell me what I can do to help. Anything. We can send you money, or… or anything. The hospital said you had drugs in your system. Honey, what have you gotten yourself into?'

That sentence hangs between them, no easy reply coming from Sebastian. He has kept himself mostly controlled until now, despite the fact the he is radiating panic and confusion. Kurt watches him struggle for an answer to his mother's earnest question. Kurt's chest aches at the brightness of Sebastian's eyes.

'I am so sorry, Mom,' whispers Sebastian eventually.

'Bas, no, oh no. We just want you to be safe,' replies Eleanor frantically, sounding like she desperately wants to move through the phone and be there to reassure her son. 'We want to safe and home and healthy.'

'I want to come home. I really do.'

Kurt has never heard Sebastian admit that before, but suddenly it's like Kurt's not even in the room. Sebastian is staring at the computer screen, tears in his eyes, talking only to his mother.

'Bas, how bad is it? The drugs, how bad is it?'

'It's… pretty bad.'

Eleanor lets out a slow, pained breath. If Kurt had to name the sound of a heart breaking, that would be it. Sebastian swallows an answering whimper, biting his lip and closing his eyes tightly. When Sebastian's mother speaks again, her voice is shaky with tears.

'The girls miss you. I miss you. Are you going to come home?'

'Yes,' whispers Seb. 'If you'll still have me.'

'Oh, _thank God_,' exhales Eleanor, obviously crying now, but her voice is rich with relief. 'Thankyou, Bas. I miss you, honey. I'll book you a flight?'

'Yes, whenever, tonight. I want to come home.'

'I'll do it right now. Bas, honey, it's all going to be okay. We'll work it out. Once you're here, we will work everything out. You don't have to worry.'

'I miss you, Mom,' says Sebastian, smiling, a fraction of the tension in his body loosening.

'I'll book your flight right now. For tonight. I'll call you back?'

The question is filled with trepidation, an obvious fear that when this call ends she won't be able to find Sebastian again. He'll disappear back into unknown.

'Email me the flight number,' says Sebastian, voice reassuring. 'I'll give you my number… and my friend Kurt's, okay?'

He glances at Kurt and Kurt nods. Sebastian reads out both their numbers and Eleanor checks them twice.

'Alright. Bas, you'll be on the plane? Promise me.'

'I promise, Mom. I'll be on the plane. I'll see you tonight.'

'I love you, Sebastian. I love you so much. We all do. I'll see you tonight.'

'I love you, too,' replies Sebastian, ducking his head with a little smile Kurt has never seen before. 'Bye, Mom.'

'Bye, honey.'

Sebastian ends the call. Kurt waits in silence as Sebastian sags against the desk, completely limp against the wood. He squeezes Seb's shoulder again gently.

'Shit,' breathes Sebastian, voice completely different from when he was talking to his mother. 'Oh fuck, I can't believe I did that.'

'It's okay,' replies Kurt.

'You have no idea' groans Sebastian, burying his face further into his arms. 'I am never going to be allowed to forget this. Dad is going to have me doing volunteer work with addicts for the next thirty years. They'll never trust me to take a piss alone again. Fucking hell.'

It grates with Kurt a little, the way Sebastian seems to be stuck in the negatives of the situation. All he heard on the phone was a concerned mother. And… holy shit, Sebastian is leaving _tonight_.

'Can I check my emails?' asks Sebastian, pulling himself up tiredly.

'Yes,' replies Kurt vaguely, still trying to get his head around the fact that tomorrow Sebastian will be in Ohio and Kurt will still be in New York. It's not really connecting in his head. It's fantastic that Sebastian is getting away from his addiction and his fucked up life, but he's also leaving Kurt. What did Kurt do with his time before Sebastian was around?

Kurt watches as Sebastian goes to Gmail and types in his address. He hesitates for a few seconds before tentatively typing in a password. It logs in and Kurt sees there are 417 new emails in his Inbox.

'Um, how long as it been since you checked these?' asks Kurt, watching as Sebastian trails his eyes over the list of messages.

'Since I left. My family emails a lot, since we're never all together. I didn't want to read them.'

Kurt reads over Sebastian shoulder as he scrolls through the first page of messages. Most of them are newsletters, special offers or website emails. However, interspersed with the automated messages are some familiar names. There at least four messages from 'Eleanor Smythe'. The subject lines are quite obvious: 'WHERE ARE YOU?', 'I miss you', 'Please call me'. They make Kurt frown and glance at Sebastian's face. His friend is wearing a tight, upset expression. There are also a few emails from 'Sues Smythe'. They don't have subject lines.

Sebastian has the mouse hovering over one of these messages, but then shifts it to click on an email from 'Jeff Stirling'. Kurt reads the short message quickly.

_Hey Sebastian,_

_I'm not sure if you've got my other emails, or this one. But I just wanted to say again that we're sorry about what we said. We never wanted you to leave on that note. Remember, once a Warbler, always a Warbler._

_Write back, man. No one has heard from you._

_Jeff_

'That's nice,' comments Kurt, not surprised to see such a generous email from Jeff. He is a compassionate boy, he would struggle with the idea Sebastian leaving without a word.

'Yeah,' sighs Sebastian, closing the message. He scrolls back up to the top. The most recent email, dated six days ago, is from 'Lucy Smythe'. Kurt hasn't seen any other emails with that name. Sebastian clicks on it and they both start reading. After only a few seconds, cold dread begins to fill Kurt's stomach.

_Bas,_

_I feel stupid writing this to you, I know you're never going to read it. Someone told me it might help._

_Mum and Sues keep telling me that you're okay, that you're out there somewhere. Dad says you're tough and you can look after yourself. Mum says you're missing us, but I know you're not. You're dead. I know it and that's why writing an email to my dead baby brother feels strange. I guess that means it's just me and Sues now. Two of us, instead of three. I'm not sure I'm ever going to used to that thought. There is meant to be three of us, Bas._

_I can't believe you'd do this to Mom and Dad. It's honestly the most selfish, hurtful thing you've ever done. And that's saying something. I don't think I'll ever be able forgive you for leaving us like this._

_I just hope we find out what happened to you. I think the hope might kill Mom otherwise._

_I'll miss you. What a waste._

_Goodbye Sebastian._

Kurt lets out a shocked breath, but it's lost under Sebastian's pained whine. Kurt turns to him and it _hurts_ to see the expression on his face.

'Seb-' he begins, not sure what he's going to say, but it doesn't matter because Sebastian pushes the chair back and gets up. He's striding out of the room before Kurt can even think about stopping him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Lovely people, I am so sorry for the delay. I've had almost all my course work due in the last 3 weeks. Your reviews have been so supportive and interesting, thank you for that. :)**

**Also… there are only two chapters left after this one, so keep an eye out for them! **

Kurt grabs his room key and phone, shuts the laptop and runs after Sebastian. Seb doesn't get every far (neither of them have shoes on) and Kurt finds him sitting on the stairs, in the same spot where they met the night before. Sebastian is resting against the wall, hands in his hair, entire posture screaming hurt and exhaustion. He doesn't open his eyes as Kurt approaches.

'Hey,' says Kurt gently as he sits down next to him. 'Think about it this way, you're not dead and she'll be happy about that.'

Seb lets out a dry chuckle, but it quickly turns into a groan. Kurt can see the sweat on his forehead, his flushed skin. It's clear Sebastian is struggling and the encounters with his family haven't helped.

'This sucks,' says Sebastian lowly. 'This whole thing is so damn stupid and annoying. She thinks I'm _dead_, God. Dead. I can't believe it's gotten this far.'

'It's almost over,' replies Kurt reassuringly, putting a hand on Sebastian's knee. 'You'll be home tonight and your mom will look after you.'

'Look after, right,' mumbles Sebastian sarcastically. Kurt just sighs and squeezes his knee.

'We're going to have an amazing last day in New York,' he continues, ignoring Sebastian cynicism. 'What do you want to do?'

Sebastian raises his head from where it's been hanging listlessly and levels Kurt with a tired gaze.

'You got any pot?' he asks seriously.

'What? No,' frowns Kurt, glaring a little.

'Cigarettes? Vodka?'

'No,' snaps Kurt, shoving Sebastian weakly. 'Of course not.'

'Seriously, I'm going to need something to distract me today,' shrugs Seb. 'Can we at least have sex?'

Kurt blinks at him in surprise and then shakes his head sharply.

'Christ, no! We're not having sex or doing anything… like that.'

'Then I'm going to go insane,' grumbles Sebastian, tugging at his hair again. The flush on his skin as faded as quickly as it'd appeared; he now looks cold and pale.

'You're not going to go insane. I'll distract you with all New York has to offer.'

Before Kurt can begin to list the wonderful things you can do in New York, his phone rings. Seb raises an eyebrow, expression rueful, and Kurt looks at him apologetically, but it's Blaine. Kurt answers the call as he walks up the stairs and back into his corridor.

'Hi,' says Kurt with a smile. 'Did you get home okay?'

'Yeah,' comes Blaine's warm voice through the phone. 'It was fine. How did everything go with Sebastian's parents?'

'It was intense,' admits Kurt, leaning against the wall. 'Seb called his mom and she nearly broke down. She sounds like she's been through hell. But it went okay.'

'I feel so bad for her,' sighs Blaine and Kurt can imagine the way Blaine's eyebrows are dipping in a concerned expression. Kurt smiles at the image.

'She'll get to see him tonight. He's going to fly back to Ohio to be with them.'

'That's great,' says Blaine enthusiastically. Kurt, still smiling, can't quite bring himself to agree. He does think that it's great that Sebastian is finally getting help. But leaving… he's not quite so happy about that. It seems like they're getting cut short, somehow. It is a hard sensation to qualify, but there is definitely a friendship between himself and Sebastian that shouldn't end today. Today is too soon.

'It would be really interesting to meet his parents, don't you think? See what they're like,' continues Blaine.

'His mom sounded normal enough. And his sisters, too, from what I've seen. I wonder about his dad.'

'I'm half tempted to drive to the airport and spy on them,' laughs Blaine.

'Please don't,' replies Kurt, smiling and shaking his head. 'Stay where you are. Did I tell you how amazing it was to have you here this weekend?'

'No, but you can start telling me how amazing I am right now, if you like.'

'Oh, look at that, I've got to go. Maybe next time. Bye honey!'

Kurt hangs up to the sound of Blaine laughing. Kurt's own smile fades as he stares down at his phone. A door slamming startles him and Kurt shakes off the conversation. Although he and Blaine were teasing – and God, it's been so long since talking to Blaine has been that easy – Kurt's smile wasn't as strong as it could be. He's not feeling cheerful. He walks back down to where Sebastian is still sitting on the stairs. He seems slightly calmer, his legs stretched out in front of him and he raises his eyes to Kurt's face.

'Everything alright?'

'Yeah, fine.'

Sebastian hesitates for a second, his eyes darting between Kurt's face and the wall behind him.

'Um, can I use your phone? I don't have mine with me.'

'Sure,' responds Kurt, holding out his mobile. 'Do you want to go back to my room?'

Sebastian nods and pulls himself up a little shakily. He smiles at Kurt, though, as they walk back up the stairs. Kurt takes a moment to be thankful that Sebastian hadn't run away, didn't just try to escape his mistakes again. Seb is making progress, even though sometimes it feels like Kurt is forcibly dragging him forward.

'Are you going to call your sister?' questions Kurt, opening his door.

'Yes. I think I should.'

'I'll have shower and stuff… so you can have some privacy. Okay?'

'Okay,' nods Sebastian, chewing on his lip and staring at Kurt's phone.

'Are you… do you want me to stay?' asks Kurt tentatively, thinking back to the phone call with Sebastian's mother and wondering if Sebastian needs Kurt to push him again. But Sebastian shakes his head decisively; giving Kurt the most pathetic excuse for a smile he can muster.

'I've got it. See you in a minute.'

When Kurt comes back to the room twenty minutes later, Sebastian is sitting at the desk on Kurt's laptop. Kurt doesn't ask how the phone conversation with Lucy went. He gets the feeling that for some reason talking to his sister is a much more private topic for Sebastian than contacting his mother.

He sees that Sebastian is looking with an angry expression at an open email. Kurt's stomach drops as he studies the spark of irritation in Sebastian's eyes.

'What's that?' asks Kurt with forced lightness as he turns to pick a scarf out of the cupboard.

'It's from my mom. Apparently… my dad thinks it's best if they come here to get me instead. Their flight gets in at seven. I told you, he doesn't even trust me to get on a damn plane by myself.'

Sebastian angrily slams the laptop closed and Kurt flinches. He walks over and places a gentle hand on Sebastian's skin just above the collar of his t-shirt.

'Forget about him. He doesn't matter. You still get to see your mom tonight, you'll still be home tomorrow.'

He deliberately keeps his voice level and calm.

'I know,' sighs Sebastian tiredly, although there is still an underlying edge of anger.

'Has anyone ever told you that you're basically a giant bundle of daddy issues?' asks Kurt in exasperation.

Sebastian lets out a little huff of surprised laughter, twisting around to look at Kurt. Kurt just raises an eyebrow questioningly.

'My sisters have said that before. Constantly, in fact,' says Sebastian with a rueful smile, but then he lets out a little moan, one hand curling over his stomach. Kurt realises he needs to step up his distraction techniques.

'We're going shopping!'

'Shopping?' blinks Sebastian.

'Yes. Because you'll freeze in that t-shirt and I'm not letting you steal anymore of my clothes.'

They end up walking to a store only a few blocks from Kurt's house. While there is no ignoring that Sebastian is jumpy and uncooperative, it's amusing to watch him dismiss everything single jacket and jumper Kurt picks out for him. To start with, Kurt chooses subtle and warm clothes that he genuinely thinks Sebastian might like. Every single one is met with 'no' or 'no, are you joking, that's appalling'. After twenty minutes of this, Kurt starts presenting more and more extreme combinations of clothes. He pulls out a jacket with sequins on the sleeves and breaks into giggles at the truly disgusted expression on Sebastian's face.

After that, they both start trying to find the worst clothes in the store. Sebastian breaks down into laughter at the Hawaiian-print jumper Kurt throws at him. They waste an hour and eventually leave the store with a slim fitted, dark grey jacket and deep blue scarf that Sebastian immediately puts on. Kurt is glad he's not walking around in a thin t-shirt anymore.

'You want to get some food?' questions Kurt as they walk away from the shop.

'I'm not hungry.'

'You should eat something.'

'Fuck off,' replies Sebastian, but it's said fondly.

Despite his protests, Kurt is determined to get Sebastian to eat. They walk into a 7Eleven and end up repeating the game of Kurt picking things out and Sebastian saying no. Kurt quickly moves on from anything substantial, instead trying to coax Sebastian into eating some chips or cookies.

The cashier is glaring at them when they walk up to a counter with a bag of marshmallows. They are the only thing Sebastian didn't flat out refuse to eat.

'These are really good,' concedes Kurt twenty minutes later, chewing on the puffy sugar approvingly.

'I know, right?' replies Sebastian, picking up another one. They're back at NYU, sitting on the grass. It's too cold to stay for long, but there are hardly any marshmallows left anyway.

'If I hadn't come along, would you just be living on marshmallows and bourbon?' asks Kurt.

'Probably. And honey. I really like honey.'

Kurt laughs, shaking his head. Sebastian has just stolen the last marshmallow from beneath his fingers when his phone rings again. Kurt fishes it out of his jacket.

'If its Blaine, tell him to Google co-dependency issues,' mutters Sebastian, rolling his eyes.

It's not Blaine. It's an unknown number and that makes Kurt tense a little. But answers anyway, voice smooth.

'Hello, this is Kurt Hummel.' The way he talks makes Sebastian pay closer attention, sitting up a little more.

'Hi, Kurt, this is James from Benvoir Productions. How are you today?'

'I'm good, thanks,' replies Kurt automatically, voice questioning.

'That's great! Look, I'm calling about the audition tape you sent us a few weeks ago. We had a look and were impressed. We were hoping you'd come to have a chat with our associate director about a junior position with the company.'

'Oh. That's… I mean, yes. Yes, I'd love to.'

'How's Friday at two for you?'

'Friday is fine.'

'Great, I'll send a confirmation email to the address you provided with the application. It will give you instructions on how to get here and some details about what we're offering.'

'T-that sounds good. Really good. Thank you.'

'My pleasure, Kurt. You have a good day.'

The line goes dead. Kurt lowers the phone. Sebastian has moved closer to him, eyes searching Kurt's shocked face.

'What was that?' he says.

'It's a production company… they're offering me a spot. Holy shit, they're offering me a job! Oh my God.'

'Kurt!' grins Sebastian, eyes just as wide as Kurt's. 'That's amazing!'

'I know. Oh, I can't believe it. I sent in the audition tape because they said at school that we should… I mean, it was just some stupid idea… oh my God!'

Laughing, Kurt turns fully to Sebastian to find the other boy grinning back at him. Sebastian pulls Kurt into strong hug, slightly awkward due to the way they're sitting, but Kurt grabs hold of his shoulders and holds on tight. He feels like there is this swelling of happiness bursting inside his chest. He can't stop smiling. Sebastian squeezes him.

'You're going to be amazing.'

'I should call… someone. Dad or Blaine.'

Kurt is reaching for his phone again, but Sebastian reaches out to stop him. He's got a silly smile on his face that Kurt has never seen before and he squeezes Kurt's wrist.

'Let's go and do karaoke.'

'What?' says Kurt with a laugh, running his eyes over Sebastian's happy face. He just wants enjoy this moment when he feels like he can do anything.

'Karaoke. You suggested it ages ago and I was a real bitch about it. Come on, let's go sing. You know you want to.'

'Yes,' nods Kurt, jumping forward to hug Sebastian again. 'Yes, I do. Let's go sing.'

Kurt looks up on his phone where they should go. There aren't any bars open this time on a Monday, but there is a Korean place uptown that is open 24/7. They jump in a cab, Sebastian jokingly crooning Meatloaf in Kurt's ear and Kurt poking him in the ribs. The cab driver gives them strange looks, but Kurt doesn't care. The weird looming tension of the day as been unexpectedly disrupted and Sebastian is more cheerful than Kurt has ever seen him.

They get out of the taxi and Kurt raises his eyebrow at the building that houses the karaoke. It's rather grungy, but Kurt puts his doubts aside and lets Sebastian grab his hand to pull him inside. Kurt hopes this really is a karaoke joint and not a brothel or something. It's badly lit and the guy serving them has such a thick accent that when Sebastian accepts 'the special', Kurt has no idea what they've signed up for.

It turns out his concerns are unfounded when they're led into a booth with a big screen mounted on the wall and a group of comfortable couches.

'Drinks?' asks the attendant as he turns to leave and Sebastian orders two beers.

'It's like two in the afternoon,' says Kurt with a frown. Sebastian rolls his eyes and walks over to the screen, opening song selection.

'Relax. It'll make you sing better.'

'Will not,' replies Kurt with exaggerated haughtiness. 'My singing couldn't get any better.'

They share a grin and Kurt goes to join Sebastian in choosing a playlist for them to sing. When the beers come, Kurt takes a swig, reminding himself that he is allowed to relax and be a bit stupid sometimes. One beer isn't going to even get him tipsy. He punches in the number that adds _Drops of Jupiter_ to the playlist.

'These songs are terrible,' says Sebastian as the scrolls down the list. Kurt picks another one, a Spice Girls number.

'Not your type of music?' asks Kurt.

'I'm not really a Top 40 sort of guy,' replies Sebastian, lip curling derisively at the options.

When they start singing, it is a little awkward. Kurt isn't used to performing in such a small room and knowing he's singing just to Sebastian is oddly intimate. But he sips his beer and loosens up, getting lost in the Bon Jovi song and yelling along to the chorus. He ends up flushed and grinning, Sebastian clapping and whistling in encouragement. Then Sebastian gets up and sings _Hotel California_. His voice is a little strained from lack of practise, but he sings well and Kurt loves the way he closes his eyes to sing the long notes. Kurt grins at him when the song finishes and gets up to do another. They sing for over an hour, Sebastian gets his rhythm back and Kurt is sweating from dancing around to the songs.

They're looking through the list again, when Sebastian stops and points to a song.

'Do you know this one?'

'Sort of. I've heard it,' replies Kurt, frowning as he tries to remember the words to it. He has heard the song a few times, but he doesn't know it well. Sebastian places the microphone in Kurt's hand.

'Sing it with me?'

Kurt nods and perches on the edge of one of the couches, listening to the opening chords of the song and then Sebastian start to sing his part.

'_God, that was strange to see you again_

_Introduced by a friend of a friend_

_Smiled and said, "Yes, I think we've met before"_

_In that instant it started to pour_'

The lyrics don't mean anything special to Kurt, but it's a stirring song and Sebastian sings it beautifully. When it gets to Kurt's part, he has to move his eyes away from Sebastian's face to focus on the words on the screen.

'_This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin_

_You tried to reach deep, but you never got in_

_And now you're outside me, you see all the beauty_

_Repent all your sin'_

They sing through the words, until the end when they're both repeating the same lines. Kurt looks over a Sebastian and their eyes met.

'_Live through this and you won't look back _

_Live through this and you won't look back_.'

The music ends and Kurt instinctively reaches out to grab Sebastian's hand. Sebastian gives him a little, tired smile. They're going to get through this, Kurt will make sure of it.

After they leave, they begin walking slowly back down towards Kurt's room. It's nearly four in the afternoon and Kurt realises with a start that they have three hours. Sebastian's parents are going to be here in _three hours_. The thought makes Kurt glance over at Sebastian, who is walking half a step behind him. Before he can speak – although Kurt isn't sure what exactly he wants to say – he notices the way Sebastian's eyes and nose are red. The bad lighting of the karaoke booth had hidden it before, but in the afternoon light he looks sick. He has one hand pressed against his abdomen like he's in pain. Kurt slows his walking and Sebastian stop entirely.

There is a moment of silence between them, and then Sebastian seems to straighten up.

'I just remembered I need to pick up some things from my place before I leave.'

'Okay, we'll walk there now,' replies Kurt instantly.

'No, it's okay. Maybe I'll just meet you at the airport, I'm sure you had things to do today.'

It's such a clear lie. Sebastian hasn't mentioned needing to pick up his possessions before and now he is suddenly trying to get away from Kurt. Kurt realises that Sebastian has decided to stop fighting and get high. He's probably thinking that it's just one more hit, that it doesn't matter. Although Sebastian's face is blank, his eyes are desperate. Kurt is stuck, not sure how to respond. Sebastian takes a step away from him.

'So, I'll just see you later?'

'No,' says Kurt shaking his head, taking a step forwards to keep Sebastian close. 'I'll come with you.'

'No, it's okay. You don't have to come.'

'Sebastian,' says Kurt lowly. He isn't going to let this happen, not when they've gotten so far. Just three more hours.

Sebastian drops his eyes and tries to push past Kurt, hands buried in the pockets of his jacket. Kurt steps to the side, right in front of Sebastian, and blocks his way.

'Please, Kurt, just fuck off,' sighs Sebastian, biting down on his lip. Kurt looks into his red-rimmed eyes.

'_No_. I'm not going anywhere, haven't you worked that out yet?'

'Yeah, I've worked out that you're a clingy bitch that I can't shake,' snaps Sebastian.

'I know you feel awful right now, but please, just stay with me.'

'I said,' hisses Sebastian lowly, moving into Kurt's space and for half a second Kurt thinks Sebastian is going to hit him, 'leave me alone, you annoying little fuck.'

He tries to move past Kurt again, knocking him, and then Kurt recovers enough to grab Sebastian's wrist tightly. Sebastian tries to pull away, but Kurt holds on tight.

'Kurt,' snarls Sebastian, tugging hard against Kurt's hold. '_Let me go_.'

Kurt steps forward, crowding Sebastian until they're pressed against the wall of the building next to them. He uses his shoulder to push the other boy back. Sebastian's jaw is tightly clenched and he won't look at Kurt. Kurt presses close until their noses are almost touching.

'Stop it,' he hisses angrily. 'You can't give up now. Don't do this to me, damnit. Your sister thought you were _dead_, Seb. What did you say to her this morning? What about your mom? Just… stop. Let's get in a cab, right now and go the airport.'

'Please,' whispers Sebastian lowly and Kurt realises that he's shaking under his clothes. 'Please, I can't do this.'

Kurt isn't sure if Sebastian is saying that he can't stay or that he can't leave, but Kurt makes the decision for him. He sees a cab rolling towards them and sticks out an arm. When it stops in front of them, Kurt steps back and looks at Sebastian. He's still leaning against the wall, head lowered, hair falling over his eyes. He is so defeated that it makes Kurt's heart clench.

'Get in the taxi, Seb.'

Wordlessly, Sebastian steps forward and slides part Kurt into the backseat. Kurt gets in as well and asks to be driven the airport. As they start moving, he reaches over the hold Sebastian's shaking hand tightly. His skin is hot and clammy under Kurt's fingers.

'I'm sorry,' whispers Sebastian, staring out the window.

'I know,' replies Kurt gently. They don't speak for the rest of the journey.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hopefully this very quick update makes up for the delay before and the fairly mediocre previous chapter. This one is better (and, well, I'd kind of love to get over 100 reviews for the story. It would be very cool).**

**Only the epilogue after this!**

Kurt is starving when they reach the airport. Sebastian may be able to survive on marshmallows alone, but Kurt hasn't eaten all day and he is starting to feel faint. He makes a beeline for the food court. Sebastian follows him silently; Kurt can see he is still feeling guilty about the way he acted before they got in the taxi.

'Can you get me a coffee?' asks Sebastian as Kurt orders a panini. Kurt adds a coffee to his order and then they walk over to an empty table near the large windows. The airport is much quieter than when Kurt flew home for Thanksgiving. There are only a few people sitting down, although there is a steady stream of busy passengers striding towards security. Kurt tucks enthusiastically into his food and Sebastian cradles the coffee between his hands like he's cold. After a few minutes of Kurt downing his food in silence, Sebastian suddenly puts down his coffee firmly on the table.

'I shouldn't have said that stuff to you,' he says with a grimace, staring at Kurt. Kurt swallows his mouthful and shakes his head a little.

'It's okay. I know that you're not feeling good.'

'That's not really an excuse to be so horrible,' frowns Sebastian, dropping his gaze to the table. The sentence echoes the way Sebastian spoke about the fight he had with his father and it's not a stretch for Kurt to guess that his father's words are still stuck in Sebastian's head.

'Seb,' murmurs Kurt, trying to sound reassuring, 'you're not a bad person. Honestly, you're not.'

'There's not much proof to the contrary,' replies Sebastian quietly.

'Well, I like you. Are you saying I have bad taste?'

Seb laughs at that, shooting Kurt a slightly exasperated glare. Kurt picks up the rest of his panini as Sebastian takes a sip of his coffee. Kurt notices the way his eyes are fixed at a point behind Kurt, he twists around to see a very handsome man watching them from the other side of the food court. He's wearing a stylish, knee-length coat and has a small bag sitting next to him. He's clearly staring at them and Kurt turns back to where Sebastian is still watching.

'See something you like?' questions Kurt, trying to sound flippant and failing. He doesn't know why he's surprised that Sebastian is checking out another guy, but it is still grating against something inside him. Maybe it's because after seeing Sebastian practically ask to be raped last night, he doesn't want to think about his friend having sex.

'Hardly,' snaps Sebastian, voice sharp. 'He's been staring at you for ten minutes, the creepy old fuck.'

Staring at Kurt? That doesn't seem likely, but the way Sebastian is glaring (Kurt now sees that it's a glare, not a leer) is oddly endearing. He shifts his seat to block Sebastian's view of the man. He knows from experience that Sebastian has a short fuse when he's chasing.

'Calm down,' he smiles, picking up his own coffee. 'Look, is there actually anything you need from your place? Do you want me to get some things and post them to you?'

That gets Sebastian's attention. His eyes widen and he shakes his head emphatically.

'No, hell no. Kurt, don't go back there. Stay away from that place and Red Bear, Trough, all of it.'

'You mean Carl,' summarises Kurt, frowning.

'Yes, I mean Carl,' says Sebastian, a flash of fear that he can't control appearing on his face. 'He's dangerous and vindictive. He's going to be pissed that I skipped town. Just… stay away.'

'I will. I promise.'

'If you ever see him, turn and run away,' insists Sebastian, leaning forward a little. Kurt, unhappy at the extra lines of worry appearing on Sebastian's already tired face, smiles gently.

'I will run away as fast as I can, I swear. Even if I want to punch him for what he's done to you.'

'That's sweet and very stupid,' replies Sebastian with an amused shake of his head.

'That's basically me in a nutshell, isn't it?'

'Don't call yourself stupid,' scolds Sebastian. Kurt chuckles, taking another sip of coffee. He wonders if this Sebastian – a little playful and a lot protective – is what the other boy was like before he came to New York. If under all the anger and snark this version of Sebastian was waiting. The thought makes him feel oddly melancholy. For all the things Sebastian seems to have lost, all the things he's gained (and not just the addiction), for…all this.

And he only has two hours before Sebastian disappears from his life again.

Kurt stares thoughtfully at his friend. His red-rimmed green eyes and his sharp jaw line, the way his soft hair has grown out and is falling over his eyes. His shoulders tightly hunched under his new jacket, long fingers wrapped around the paper coffee cup. The way he is exhausted and beginning to go into withdrawal, yet is still so beautiful that Kurt finds it hard to look away. He looks so sad and nervous, but the soft smile of his face when he glances at Kurt erases all that strain from his face.

'What?' asks Sebastian, noticing Kurt studying him.

'Nothing. Just… everything, I suppose.'

'_Right_,' replies Seb, raising an eyebrow. He swallows the last of his drink and then stretches out in the chair, yawning. Kurt props his chin on his hands and looks at him.

'You have two sisters, right?'

'Susana and Lucy,' answers Seb. 'Lucy works for a Congressman, Sues just graduated law school last year. As you can imagine, Dad is very proud.'

He can't keep the slightly bitter tone from his voice. Kurt purses his lips. Sebastian's issues with his father seem so immense that it makes him wonder about their origins. He's about to let Sebastian walk away with this man, out of Kurt's influence and life, which means he needs to ask a question that has been lurking in the back of his mind.

'Seb… your dad, he never… hit you, did he? Or anything else?'

'Did he abuse me, you mean?' replies Sebastian with a wry smile that suggests this isn't the first time the question has been asked. 'Because it would make sense, wouldn't it? I'm such a slut - a fuck up - my dad must have touched me as a kid. Only the fucked up ones run away and get a smack habit.'

'I didn't-' begins Kurt in embarrassment, but Sebastian waves off his apology.

'It's okay. But no, he didn't. He yelled and generally made me feel worthless, but nothing else. No convenient excuses for my bad decisions, I'm afraid.'

'That's good. I guess,' says Kurt awkwardly. 'More coffee?'

Sebastian nods and they get up, walking over to order another set of drinks. To be honest, Sebastian probably doesn't need any more caffeine, but Kurt thinks sitting and doing nothing would be worse. He is tapping his fingers restlessly against his thigh, his eyes darting around the food court as they wait for the coffee. Kurt picks up the cups and his just turning to hand Sebastian one when a woman with a pram cuts in front of him. He jerks back to avoid hitting her and the scolding coffee spills over the edge of the cup, hitting his wrists and dripping down his arm.

'Oh fuck,' gasps Kurt, slamming the cups back down and grabbing his wrist. His skin is stinging badly and tears spring into the corners of his eyes. The pain doesn't dim and Kurt hunches forward, biting down hard on his lip. 'Oh, ow ow. Damn it.'

Sebastian's arm is around his shoulder in an instant, his low and slightly panicked voice in Kurt's ear.

'Shit, Kurt, you're okay. Come on.'

They walk quickly through the food court, Kurt with tears pooling in his eyes as he cradles his burnt wrist to his chest. Sebastian steers him through the crowd and into the bathroom. He lets Kurt go to turn on the cold-water tap and then carefully guides Kurt's wrist under the water. Kurt hisses, but the burning sensation diminishes almost instantly. Kurt sags a little. Looking down, the skin around his wrist and forearm is a bright red, but he thinks that it's not too bad. His eyes shift from his own injured arm to where Sebastian's fingers are gently gripping his elbow. He sees that they're shaking slightly.

Glancing up, Kurt is stunned to see tears on Sebastian's face. They are making his eyes shine, dripping down his cheeks. Kurt doesn't even think Sebastian has noticed, he's too busy examining Kurt's wrist.

'You're crying,' says Kurt softly, still shocked. Sebastian raises his gaze to look at Kurt and then self-consciously lifts a hand to wipe his eyes.

Kurt has never seen Sebastian cry before. He's guessed, or seen him after, or heard him in the dark, but he's never seen it. He's never guessed the way it would make his chest tighten uncomfortably or make him want to reach out to Seb. He doesn't like to see Sebastian crying.

'Sorry,' sniffs Sebastian, voice thick. 'I just saw you get hurt and… I don't know, I just-' he ducks his head, rubbing at his eyes.

'It's okay,' says Kurt gently, wrapping an arm around Sebastian, because the small distance between them is too much. 'I'm okay.'

'I know,' mumbles Sebastian, but he steps into Kurt's one-armed hug, pulling Kurt against him. They stand like that until Kurt's skin goes numb under the water and Sebastian has stopped crying. The few other patrons of the bathroom have deliberately stepped around and ignored them, but Kurt doesn't care about them at all. He squeezes Seb gently and then pulls away, going to dry his arm with paper towels. The skin is still red, but it's less sore.

Walking back out into the food court, he sees Sebastian looking up at the arrivals board. The 6:45 flight from Ohio is now listed on it and Kurt feels the text sitting there like a physical weight. It's less than hour and a half now. Next to him, he can feel the tension in Sebastian's muscles. He casually reaches for the other boy's hand and squeezes it.

'Let's go and sit down,' he says quietly and Seb nods. They walk out of the food court and find some plastic chairs in a corner of the check-in area. They are within sight of the arrivals gate. Sitting down, Sebastian doesn't let go of Kurt's hand. Kurt wishes he could think of something comforting and appropriate to say.

'If you come back, we'll have to do karaoke again,' he settles on eventually. It isn't quite the tone he was going for, but Sebastian manages a smile in reply.

'Yeah. I might even manage some Spice Girls.'

'I don't believe that,' chuckles Kurt.

'I'd do it, if you asked me to,' says Sebastian, the smile gone. Kurt glances down at their joined hands, very aware of the conviction with which Sebastian spoke. Like it really meant something.

'Seb-'

'No, Kurt, just… let me say this. When they get here, everything will be crazy again, but I have to say this.' Kurt nods silently, meeting Sebastian's intense gaze. His heart is beating faster and he isn't sure he is ready to hear what Sebastian is going to say. Sebastian's lips quirk into a half-smile, as though trying to reassure Kurt.

'I can't even imagine where I'd be if you hadn't found me… if you hasn't stalked me,' he smirks slightly and Kurt flushes, 'and I've treated you like shit, but you've always come back. You've really… saved me, I guess. From myself, from this giant hole I dug for myself. Two months ago, I… I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I was going to die in that apartment, one way or the other. And you… you got me here.'

Kurt has no idea what to say. He isn't sure there is a suitable reply. He just gives Sebastian a big, teary smile that he hopes conveys how glad he is that he pushed Sebastian to this point. That finally, Sebastian is going to be _okay_. That has become unimaginably important to him.

But Sebastian hasn't finished talking.

'I know that you have Blaine and I know… I just want you to know, that if you ever… fuck, I don't know what I'm saying.'

Sebastian breaks eye contact, frowning down at his lap. Kurt stays silent, the fluttering of his heart confused and hectic. Much like his head.

'Give me your phone,' mumbles Sebastian after a few seconds silence. Happy to break the awkward moment, Kurt pulls his phone out and hands it to Seb. The other boy types in a number.

'That's my home number. You can call and tell me about New York and school.'

'I will,' promises Kurt, nodding. 'And I'll visit at Christmas.'

'That sounds good,' smiles Sebastian weakly. They lean back and sit in silence, until Kurt can't stand it anymore.

'Who would you rather fuck,' he says lightly, shifting closer to Sebastian, 'Legolas or Aragorn?'

'Oh, Legolas,' chuckles Sebastian, 'Leggy, pale blonde. Lovely.'

'He would probably be cleaner, too. Not sleeping in swamps and the like.'

'Agreed. How about Paul or John?'

'John,' says Kurt, 'although, a threesome would be preferable.'

Sebastian lets out a surprised huff of laughter at Kurt's answer. They play the game for nearly half and hour, then easily slide into a conversation about the Warblers and who would become bi-curious after a few drinks. Or, if Sebastian is telling the truth, who _has_ gone bi-curious after a lot drinks. Kurt briefly thinks that the conversation shouldn't be this easy. The clock is ticking down and Kurt assumes these moments should feel more significant. But when they talk, it doesn't feel tense or difficult. It's just like they're having coffee again, or walking back from dinner. Kurt wonders if there is something wrong with him because he isn't on the edge of tears.

Then the status of the flight on the board switches from 'estimated' to 'landed' and everything changes. Any colour in Sebastian's face disappears and he drops his head down to rest on his hands.

'I feel sick,' he mutters, sounding a little panicked. Kurt places a hand on his back.

'Just breathe, Seb. You can do this.'

Suddenly, Sebastian jerks up and turns to Kurt. He grabs his hand and squeezes it tightly, eyes bright and scared.

'We could run away.'

'What?' breathes Kurt in confusion, frowning.

'I have some money; we could just get on a flight and go away. Anywhere. Just the two of us. Let's run away.'

Kurt feels the familiar twisting in his chest and he gently pulls his hand out of Sebastian's. Apparently Seb still needs one more push.

'No,' says Kurt lowly and calmly. 'No, we're going to sit here and your parents are going to walk through that gate any second. You are going to finish this, Sebastian.'

Sebastian nods jerkily, rubbing one hand over his eyes. Kurt returns the hand to his back, feeling the way Sebastian has started shaking again. Before he can say anything else, Sebastian lets out a low gasp.

'Oh _God_.'

'Sebastian! Oh, god, Bas.'

A slim woman is running towards them. Sebastian stands up to greet her, letting himself be pulled into a desperately tight hug. Kurt stands too, keeping a respectable distance.

Sebastian's mother is the same height as Kurt, with short brown hair and a thin frame. She has a worn, tired face, but her clothes and jewellery, Kurt can tell, are incredibly high quality. Her eyes are tightly closed as she clings onto Sebastian. Kurt can't see his face, but Sebastian is hugging her back. They have the look of people who have hugged a million times and know how to fit together. Sebastian has his head tucked above hers and one of her arms is curled around his lower back. She doesn't look like she ever wants to let go.

Slightly uncomfortable watching them, Kurt looks over to where Sebastian's father is standing a few feet away. He looks a lot like Sebastian, except older and harder. All the sharp lines that make Sebastian so memorable have filled out in his father. He is watching his son and wife with an intense expression. Kurt doesn't know what to make of him.

'You're so pale,' breathes Eleanor, pulling back enough to run her eyes frantically over Sebastian's face. Sebastian turns away from the scrutiny.

'I'm fine, Mom. I'm just tired.'

Eleanor reaches up to hug him again and Sebastian squeezes her reassuringly. Kurt gets the odd urge to pull Sebastian's mother aside and list all the ways Sebastian is not _fine_.

'It's good to see you, Bas,' says Theo Smythe, stepping forward. Eleanor moves back, glancing between the two males anxiously. Sebastian's back seems to straighten subconsciously at the sound of his father's voice. Kurt tenses next him.

'You too, Dad. You didn't have to come all this way, I could have gotten on a plane by himself.' The slightly challenging edge to Sebastian's voice is met with a thin smile from his father.

'Better safe than sorry, I thought.'

'It is _so good_ to see you, honey,' smiles Eleanor, reaching out to squeeze Seb's arm. Then she turns to Kurt.

'And this must be your friend? Who went to Dalton?'

'Kurt Hummel,' says Kurt with a nervous smile. He offers his hand and Eleanor shakes it. He notices Theo looking at him assessingly, but he also shakes Kurt's hand.

'Thankyou for looking after him,' says Sebastian's mother effusively and Kurt can see Sebastian roll his eyes in annoyance.

'I don't need anyone to look after me,' he grumbles and Kurt shoots him a look that says _really?_, but he doesn't say anything.

'Kurt, I'm a big fan of your father,' says Theo and for the first time something approaching a smile appears on his face. 'He's doing good things in Washington.'

'Thank you, Mr Smythe, I am very proud of him,' replies Kurt politely. Eleanor is still searching Sebastian's appearance for signs of injury and illness. She seems to have noticed the shaking. Sebastian is standing silently, looking exhausted and guilty.

'We need to book in for the return flight,' says Eleanor, tearing her eyes away from Sebastian to glance at her husband. 'We are cutting it very close.'

'Actually, I wanted to speak with Kurt first,' replies Theo, glancing a Kurt. 'Alone, if you don't mind.'

'Why?' asks Sebastian instantly, glancing between them tensely. Kurt has rarely seen him so agitated. Kurt wants to reach out and take his hand, but he doesn't feel like it's appropriate.

'Don't worry, son. I just want to ask him something,' says Theo dismissively. 'Kurt?'

'Erm, yes. Okay.'

Kurt follows Theo away, shooting Sebastian a reassuring look as he goes. Sebastian is watching them with narrowed eyes, barely acknowledging his mother fussing over him. Kurt walks after Sebastian's father until they are out of earshot of the others. When Theo turns to him, his expression is grave.

'Look, Kurt, firstly I want to thank you for keeping an eye on my boy. I'm sure he didn't make it easy for you.'

'It was fine,' replies Kurt, trying not to sound defensive on Sebastian's behalf. 'He's my friend.'

'He is lucky to have such a good friend. If you need anything for your trouble, money or something equivalent, I am more than willing to reimburse you.'

'There is no need for that, I promise,' says Kurt with a thin smile. He shouldn't be surprised that Theo Smythe thinks money is the way to solve any problem. Although the man doesn't seem to have bad intensions, he certainly is not the most likeable person Kurt has ever met.

'Regardless, the offer is there. But I want to ask you about what Sebastian has been doing. He was very vague with his mother on the phone. He has always had a talent for getting into trouble. I understand he has a drug problem?'

He sounds so clinical about it that Kurt almost denies it. Almost.

'Yes, Mr. Smythe, he does. However, I think with the right support, he'll recover quickly. As for what he's been up, I'm sure Sebastian can fill you in. I have tried to help him as much as I can.'

Theo has narrowed his eyes slightly, obviously picking up on Kurt's slightly uncooperative attitude. He frowns deeply.

'Kurt, clearly you care about Bas. I am trying to get an idea of what we're dealing with here. We want to help him.'

'He needs therapy and rehab, obviously,' says Kurt, then takes a deep breath, stealing himself for his next words. 'Honestly, Mr. Smythe, Sebastian has made a lot of bad decisions in the last year. And as far as I can see, most of them were to try and get away from you. I don't doubt that you care about him, but he doesn't seem to realise that. Not to betray his confidence, but you have a very angry son who thinks you are irreversibly dissatisfied with him. You might want to think about the lengths Sebastian has gone to in order to escape your disappointment.'

Kurt doesn't wait for a response; he turns and hurries away, back to where Sebastian is still watching them. He musters a big smile to try and ease the concern on Seb's face. Theo walks slowly back behind him.

'Can we go now?' Eleanor queries. Theo nods, glancing between Sebastian and Kurt thoughtfully.

'Hang on, just let me… I need to say good-bye,' says Sebastian quietly.

'Of course, dear. We'll wait at security. It was very nice to meet you, Kurt. Thank you again.'

Eleanor gives him a strained smile and Theo just nods at Kurt. They turn and walk off towards the check-in area, Theo sliding an arm around his wife's waist. Sebastian sighs at their backs.

'And there we have my parents,' he mutters.

'They're nice,' smiles Kurt, turning to Sebastian and suddenly feeling an unexpected, panicky weight in his chest. 'I will visit you at Christmas. As soon as I get in.'

'And call me,' replies Sebastian. He looks down at Kurt, lips twisted in a miserable expression. 'I don't want to say good-bye to you.'

'I know,' replies Kurt softly and he pulls Sebastian to him. He hugs the other boy as tightly as he can, desperate to remember this moment. He needs to be able to remember the feeling of Sebastian in his arms the way and his nose grazes Kurt's ear. The weight in his chest presses hard against his heart and within seconds tears are growing in Kurt's throat, pushing up. He lets out a little sob into Sebastian's shoulder. Sebastian squeezes him tightly in reply. They cling onto each other for almost a minute, longer than is comfortable, but Kurt can't let go.

Eventually, Sebastian pulls back. His green eyes are bright with tears as he looks at Kurt.

'Say you'll miss me.'

'I'll miss you,' replies Kurt with a wet chuckle, fingers digging into Sebastian's forearms. 'I'll see you soon.'

And then Sebastian leans down and very gently presses his lips against Kurt's. It's a soft, almost chaste kiss and it only makes Kurt cry harder. Sebastian presses their foreheads together for half a second, eyes tightly closed, and then he takes a step back.

'Bye Kurt,' he says thickly, smiling sadly.

'Bye,' says Kurt in reply, wiping at his eyes even as more tears come.

Sebastian stares at him and then turns to walk away, body tight and head down. He goes to where his parents are waiting for him and Kurt stands still, watching as they go through security. Sebastian only turns back once, just as he is about to step out of sight. He gives Kurt a little wave. Kurt waves back.

Sebastian disappears and Kurt stands alone in the middle of arrival hall, face wet with tears and the weight in his chest heavier than ever before.


	15. Epilogue

**I've never written an epilogue before, so… yes.**

Kurt is standing in front of Sebastian's front door, nearly a month after they said good-bye at the airport. Kurt's unexpected job with Benvoir meant that Christmas was spent in New York, with all his family coming up to visit him. It was festive and fun, but Kurt has been desperate to get back to Ohio. Talking to Sebastian on the phone just isn't the same. He always sounds tired and flat; there is this unexplainable weight between them and they have been waiting until they're face to face to address it. Kurt still feels the acute relief that even when Sebastian sounds occasionally miserable, he is with his parents and not in danger. He's sitting in his safe Ohio house with his family down the hall. He means Kurt can care without being simultaneously terrified.

It's been a strangely quiet four weeks. Kurt had forgotten how predictable his life was without Sebastian in it.

Originally, Kurt has suggested they have coffee at the Lima Bean in catch up. Neutral ground or something. Sebastian had said, with only a hint of embarrassment, that his parents still weren't keen on him going out alone.

This has all led to Kurt standing at the door of Seb's large house. He knocks and then pushes his hands back into the pockets of his jacket, hiding them from the cold air. It is only a few seconds until the door opens and Sebastian is standing in front of him.

Without any conscious thought, Kurt's face breaks into a big smile.

'Hey,' he says, stepping forward to grab Seb and hug him. Sebastian's arms come to rest on his shoulders, squeezing him gently. Pulling back, Kurt wastes no time examining Sebastian's appearance closely. He's spent weeks remembering the tired, scared boy he left at the airport. He's glad to see that Seb definitely looks better. He is wearing comfortable sweat pants and a loose jumper, his hair is shorter and while he still doesn't look healthy, he looks… relaxed. For the first time Kurt can remember, Sebastian looks relaxed and content. However, Kurt doesn't miss the thick bandage on Sebastian's wrist or the slight tightness still visible around his eyes. Sebastian waits for Kurt to finish his assessment with a small smile.

'You're as bad as my mother,' he says jokingly, running a hand down Kurt's side.

'Can you blame me?' replies Kurt and Sebastian shrugs. His hand stops, resting lightly on Kurt's hip.

'To be honest, I wasn't sure you were going to come.'

'I said I would,' says Kurt and he watches Sebastian step back, gesturing for Kurt to come inside. Moving into the warmth of Sebastian's house, Kurt quickly takes in the stately furnishings and artwork.

'I know, but now that I'm not in danger of imminent death I thought maybe you wouldn't care so much.'

Kurt stills, moving his eyes from examining the decorations of the house to meet Sebastian's worried green eyes. He tries to gauge if Sebastian is serious and he stung to realise that he is.

'Don't be an idiot,' says Kurt firmly. 'Of course I care about you, imminent death or not.'

'You're so sweet,' replies Sebastian, lips suddenly curling in a pleased smile. Kurt rolls his eyes. They walk through the hallway and into the longue room. Clearly, this is where Sebastian has been spending his time. The large television is paused in the middle of Call of Duty and there is an Xbox controller sitting on arm of the couch. There is a blanket messily pushed into a corner of the couch and a pile of schoolbooks on the floor. An empty mug is sitting on top of them. It's so boyish and domestic. Kurt bites his lip to hold in a smile, but Sebastian notices.

'What?' he says lightly, nudging Kurt. 'They won't let me leave, I have to spend my time doing something.'

'Nothing, you're just… nothing,' says Kurt affectionately and goes to sit on the couch. Sebastian pushes the blanket onto the floor and joins him. He flops down and they stare at each other for a few seconds, before both breaking out into self-conscious laughter.

'So, how are you?' says Kurt, shifting a little closer.

'Pretty good, I suppose,' nods Sebastian, eyes tracking every movement of Kurt's. 'Some days are better than others, sometimes I… well, I kind of freak out, but mostly I'm okay.'

'Blaine wanted to come and say hello,' Kurt adds. 'I told him maybe next week or something?'

'Sure,' says Sebastian, eyes moving over to stare at the television screen. 'Next week is fine.'

Kurt's gaze drifts down to the bandage covering Sebastian's arm and wrist. _Freak out_, Sebastian says. And Kurt has to ask…

'What happened to your arm?' he says quietly, hating the way he can't keep his voice level.

'Surgery,' says Sebastian quickly, clearly noticing Kurt's distress. 'Christ, Kurt, reparative surgery on my hand. I'd never, I mean… I'd never do something stupid like that.' Kurt feels silly for instantly jumping to such a morbid conclusion. 'And to be honest, if I was suicidal, I've had plenty of opportunities that are less dramatic and more effective than slitting my wrists.'

'God, please don't talk like that,' says Kurt, stomach tightening uncomfortably. 'Did they fix up your hand?'

'Mostly,' says Sebastian and he wiggles the tips of his fingers with a pleased smile. 'I still need some physio, but I should get full function back. I still can't really believe it.'

'That's great. And the other…stuff?'

Even after all the drama, Kurt can't bring himself to say_ Hey Seb, how's that pesky heroin addiction coming along? Still controlling your life?_

Sebastian doesn't reply to Kurt for a few seconds, silently playing with the frayed edges of his bandage. He lets out a soft sigh and then glances over a Kurt, a rueful smile on his lips.

'It's really fucking hard, to be honest. And not just the withdraw, which is awful… being clean means that I think about everything. I spent half a year drowning out my thoughts with drugs and,' he stops, swallowing hard. Kurt moves closer, giving into the urge to press himself against Sebastian's side. Sebastian easily slides an arm around Kurt's shoulders, lips tightly pressed together as he tries to adequately explain his recovery to Kurt.

'When I first got home, I thought I had a drug problem and that was it. It was going to be hard to recover from, but I thought it was… a physical thing. An addiction. I'd get a rehab program and then everything would be okay.'

Listening closely, Kurt doesn't mention that Sebastian's words reflect Kurt's own assumptions. That Sebastian would fight his addiction and then be okay.

'But then I went to see my psychologist and she made me talk about what I did. Not the drugs, not the withdraw, not why I ran away… she wanted to talk about what I did in New York. About… about all the times I woke up not knowing where I was, the multiple times I thought someone was going to kill me, about how scared I was all the time… about what I let Carl do to me. Over and fucking over.'

Sebastian sounds surprisingly calm, but he's arm is holding Kurt tightly.

'I have these dreams, Kurt; I wake up and I think he's in my room. Some of the things he did… they're so _bad_ and I can barely even think about them, I can't make myself say them out loud. Now that I'm sober I feel like I can't deal with what happened.'

'Is it… is it getting better?'

That seems like the only thing Kurt can say. Clearly, Sebastian is not miraculously cured, but hopefully he is moving in the right direction. Perhaps he'll never be the same as he was. Maybe he'll be better.

'It's getting easier,' Seb assures Kurt, turning his head and pressing a kiss to Kurt's hair. It feels natural and Sebastian is so much more affectionate than Kurt remembers. 'Some days I even feel normal.'

'And how's it going with your parents?' asks Kurt quietly.

'They drive me crazy,' says Sebastian, but he's smiling. 'They're amazing. Annoying and amazing.'

'I was kinda rude to your dad,' admits Kurt, because that conversation with Mr. Smythe has been prominent in his mind for the last few weeks. He's not sure, even now, that he should have been so forward.

'Don't worry, he probably deserved it,' says Sebastian lightly. He shifts, lying back on the couch and tugging Kurt with him until the shorter boy is lying against his chest. From this new angle, Kurt can look right up into Seb's clear eyes. It gives him a thrill to see them sharp and bright, rather than dull and glazed over.

'I have been trying to talk to him about stuff, actually,' continues Sebastian, casually looping his arms around Kurt's body. 'Talking seems to be the new family motto. We never shut up.'

'You love it,' smirks Kurt, filled with a strange warmth at how honest Sebastian is being with him. There is none of the hiding, no pushing Kurt away. In fact, he is pulling Kurt closer and not letting him go.

'Maybe I do,' replies Sebastian with a soft smile. 'Honestly, I feel good. Scared and tired, but… good.'

'You look happy.' _And beautiful and relaxed_, Kurt's mind continues, _and_ _I want to see you smile like this all the time._

'Turns out middle-class suburbia isn't as bad as I remember,' shrugs Sebastian and then he looks down at Kurt with a teasing grin. 'You know, I haven't had sex in a month. _A month_.'

'Poor you,' says Kurt with a roll of his eyes. 'Seriously, my heart is breaking.'

'Turns out hospitals and therapy sessions aren't the best places to pick up guys,' laments Sebastian. Kurt can't help up laugh helplessly at Sebastian.

'Don't worry, if anyone can pull off the mysterious, reformed addict act, it's you.'

'You think?'

'Sure. Buy a leather jacket and play up the bad-boy thing. It'd be hot.'

Before that comment has the chance to sit and grow between them, Sebastian's mother appears in the doorway. She doesn't even blink at their position - lying on the couch with Kurt resting against Sebastian's chest. She just smiles at the pair them. Eleanor looks completely different to the woman Kurt remembers; she seems younger and softer. All the raw anxiety and fear that Kurt was hit with at the airport is completely gone. Kurt wonders if there has been a similar change in Sebastian's father as result of having Sebastian back under their roof and safe.

'Kurt, honey, it's lovely to see you again. Are you staying for dinner?'

Kurt glances up and meets Sebastian's questioning eyes. They stare at each other for half a second and then Kurt pulls himself up a little to smile at Eleanor.

'I've like that, if it's okay.'

'Of course! We're having steak.'

She gives Kurt one more affectionate look and then leaves. Kurt looks down, one hand still braced against Sebastian's chest. Seb appears amused.

'I swear, sometimes I think she's high. She is so happy, all the damn time. It's creepy.'

'Sounds terrifying,' grins Kurt and lies back down. Sebastian's arms slide around him once again. They lie there and Kurt's head is filled with vague content thoughts. He doesn't know why this feels so comfortable… except that's a lie. He does know. He shifts a little, cuddling a little deeper into Sebastian's embrace.

'Kurt,' says Sebastian quietly, voice a little unsure. Reluctant to ruin the peaceful moment, Kurt slowly tilts his head back and their eyes meet. 'Kurt,' says Sebastian again and it sounds like a question. Kurt doesn't know what to say and Sebastian bites his lip, eyes searching Kurt's. There is too much to say and no easy place to start.

'Who would you rather fuck,' begins Sebastian softly after a few seconds, body held still underneath Kurt. His voice is nearly inaudible, but filled with so much meaning that Kurt can't breathe, 'me or –'

'You,' says Kurt. He can't think clearly enough to be anything except honest. 'I'd choose you.'

Kurt can feel the shudder that passes through Sebastian's body. His hand slides over Kurt's side gently.

'You mean that?' Kurt isn't exactly sure what he is saying, but he knows he means it.

'Yeah. I mean it.'

Sebastian's lips quirk up in a delighted, disbelieving smile. Kurt matches it, but then can't resist teasing a little.

'And here I was thinking you where madly in love with Andrew…'

'Oh, shut up,' says Sebastian with a laugh. Kurt tries to smirk at him, but it quickly breaks into a grin. Sebastian just seems to have that affect on him.

(&)

(&)

**And there we are. I've been seriously restraining myself in the ANs of this story, so bare with me…**

**Yes. I still left the ending slightly ambiguous (which seems appropriate after I became an massive Kurtbastian shipper about half-way through his story). Life is complex, I guess? And those beautiful people who mentioned sequels/one-shots… maybe. If I ever think up some more plot.**

**I am so, so pleased that people have enjoyed this story. To those of you that reviewed every chapter, even the early ones when it was just a little weird story… thankyou. Honestly, I feel like we're friends because reading your reviews was so awesomely exciting for me.**

**If anyone wants to be tumblr buddies (and tbh, I'm been moonlighting writing drabbles on there when I should have been updating this) I'm **_**newspringrain**_**. So… yes. Bye. :)**


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